advice please (long)

[verytired]

we were finally served with a motion regarding the 3 children from my husband's previous marriage. my husband has had sole interim custody for 6 years and ex has had limited acces per a recommendation from the children's lawyers office 4 years ago. relevant background info: ex alleged sex abuse claims agains myself (stepmother) related to youngest son who was six at the time. ex was planning on filing for custody based on allegations, and i reported allegations to CAS in order to have an investigation. CAS investigated and deemed allegations false and hence no motion at that time. husband and myself were in adoption classess with same cas with hopes of adding to our family (no coincidence allegations made during that time frame). CAS agreed to allow our family to pursue adoption as they stated we were obviously quite resilient and handled the situation very well. we have since adopted one year ago. new motion includes significant allegations of emotional abuse of step children. included is a letter from a counselor (ba of education and not belonging to any professional college) in which 3 sessions with 12 year old step son and mother was reported. some very horrendous lies were told by 12 year old, and counselor alleging significan emotional abuse of children in home. counselor relayed being aware that mother was non custodial parent and disregarded the fact that 12 year old has high functioning autism as a false diagnoses. 12 year old has had dx of autism since age 3, most recently high functioning autism as result of lengthy psycho educational assessment 2 years ago. very very bright intelligent child, but with difficulties in communicating at a higher level. 12 year old is devastated that letter was submitted to court about his sessions. 12 year old admits to lying but really is like a deer caught in the headlights. 12 year old has always stated that when in this home he wants to live here, but when visiting his mother he does want to and tells her he wants to live with her. counseling has been offered here, but not taken. btw- husband obviously did not consent to counseling for son. 15 year old daughter also went through similar pressures at same age and counseling provided. daugther did say she also told lies to mother about living in this home but stated this was becasue she fealth myself and husband to be "stong enought to handle" the lies and feared mother would commite suicide or be hospitalized in mental hospital. (very significant mental health issues). 15 year old has since decided she does NOT want to live with mother and has made that very clear to both sides. no doubt 12 year old now experiencing same dilemna but does not have the communications skills to deal with appropriately. questions: can we have the letter inadmissable as no consent provided . 12 year old stated he signed no consent or confidentiality forms. 12 year old states he does not want to go to another counselor (for good reason). the allegations from mom are consistent throughout the years, biggest upset would be the letter from the counselor. unsure of what to do next. CAS i am positive has been informed, and as per previous (many) complaint probably made it clear they would not get involved in a custody battle. plus CAS has been extremely supportive of our current family.
thanks in advance

[Divorcemanagement]

It looks like you are going to have to introduce evidence to either support that the kids are fine or refute any evidence that she is bringing forward. When these kinds of situations arise, often the parent making the allegation is simply trying to piggy back the allegation on the wise words of someone whose view might have credibility with the courts, for example, a counsellor. Interestingly, if the counsellor suspects that the children are being abused and does not report it to CAS, then the counsellor is breaking provincial law. As CAS is not involved, it calls into question the credibility of the assertions from his ex.

If it were me, I would be insistent that the kids be assessed by a child psychologist who has experience in family law matters. As well, I would correspond with the ex and suggest that seeing as how she is so very concerned about the children being abused, etc, that you would be more than happy to participate in a full-blow bi-lateral custody assessment by a child psychologist and because the issue is so darned important to her, you would be more than happy to let her pay for it.

[verytired]

thanks sean for the advice. we also question in our response if the counselor had phoned CAS. we welcome CAS involvement, although they have made it clear to us in the past that the ex has phoned in "concern" and has been told that CAS does not get involved with custody battles. CAS remains involved with us regarding our adoptive daughter (who was a crown ward of CAS). our 12 year old has agreed to see another counselor, and we have guaranteed him that his sessions will be kept confidential from our side and we have never involved any of the family counselors in our court battles. we hesitate to have all the children go through any investigational process as we do feel strongly that they are quite tired of all of this and sick of being in the middle. at a certain level we welcome an update of the children's lawyer's office, but simply do not want to go through it nor waste the time to have it ignored again. we feel the outcome will be the same as previous. side note: i (stepmom) am a registered social worker and the ex has alleged all along that "social workers stick together" hence i was cleared of any wrongdoing in the past and i am sure she things the whole system is rigged against her. we simply need this over and are going to press for an immediate trial date. who knows. thanks for the advice though.

[verytired]

we had our day in court today. certainly stressful, but in the end the judge declined the ex-wife's motion stating "the custodial father knows best what is right for these children". i think the judge was disgusted by the involvement of the counselor with the 12 year old to get court documentation. we also got child support out of the deal, finally after over 5 years. now we plan to press ahead with a trial as we have a 10 year old who will go through needless emotional manipulation in a few years if we cannot get things finalized. in the end, we get to have a great summer! and i wish you all the same!