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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 11-30-2016, 07:26 PM
Hand of Justice
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I'd tell the bitch if she fucks with my kids again I would drag her ass to court and get an order she stop interfering with my parenting and file a motion for contempt against her for sabotaging the custody order. I'd legally slap her face so far around she would never try this shit with me.

Stand the fuck up..... Give the kids somethign else to think about explain to them that the mom is manipulating them and ruining shit.

It's so annoying when people don't take the necessary steps to deal with trash and then the trash juice gets all over them,


Your kids will be happy you put an end to it.
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  #12 (permalink)  
Old 11-30-2016, 07:34 PM
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Trix is on a distinguished road

I honestly just laughed out loud.

But the point is well taken.

I have met with my lawyer, discussing a contempt motion.

Advised the counselor there is no give on the matter of our daughters schedule, and told my daughters that I love them imensely, but that their time with family will not be sacraficial. They will be home when they are to be home and tbey will have to trust I am saying so because it is in their best interest that that be the case.

I am scheduled to meet with their mother and the counselor tom9rrow and have forwarded a two page letter to both (having already discussed the matter with the counselor) of my position.

I have received three emails back from their mom. I will not say they are i consequentioal, ut given that they will not affect my decision and focus, they remain unread.

This is not a out being right, this is about being a father. Tough shit for me. Tougher shit for our daughters. Time to pull that weight.
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  #13 (permalink)  
Old 11-30-2016, 09:21 PM
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I think you are doing the right thing. You are setting a good example for your daughters about many things. This could lead to some interesting topics in future counselling sessions: agreements & rules; adult decisions vs. children decisions - which are which; manipulation of other people, etc.

Also, your children are not toddlers. Perhaps age-appropriate behaviors have to discussed. The way these girls are behaving one wonders if they are sleeping with their mother....
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  #14 (permalink)  
Old 11-30-2016, 10:41 PM
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One possible argument: If the kids are going back and forth to Mom's at will in order to spare them stress, think about the stress involved for the kids in being the ones who have to make the decision about where they will sleep, knowing that no matter what they do, one parent will be disappointed. That's not freedom, that's an additional burden. A situation where the schedule is fixed and there's no messing around with it is actually less stressful because the kids don't have to carry the responsibility for making hard decisions. If the schedule is set, everyone is better off because you have a document that makes the decision for you, not angry and emotional kids (or Mom).

In other words, I think your counsellor screwed up. Having a consistent schedule may mean in the short term that the kids protest and say they want to sleep at Mom's, but ultimately they are better off not having the power to make those decisions.
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  #15 (permalink)  
Old 11-30-2016, 11:01 PM
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That was precisely iterated in my message to both the counselor and mom this afternoon.

The undue pressure and burden of making decisions, day to day, regarding where they will stay while trying to be sensitive to the wants and expectations of parents is unsustainable. That I had ever agreed to it in any limited fashion a month ago was poor judgement on my part.

From here on, the burden (however short or long lived) of being the parent that 'doesn't listen to you', is gladly sbouldered. That I would have ever allowed our daughters to carry any portion of that responsibilty is something that I regret.

As I write this our daughters are sound asleep. While there was immediate resistance by D12, they mentioned nothing of wanting to go to their mom's this evening. Laughed about the most trivial of things throuhout evening and fell asleep easily.

This is as it had been. Ther will be many difficult times. But this is how it had been. And sbould be.
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  #16 (permalink)  
Old 12-01-2016, 01:06 PM
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As Justice Quinn stated in Gerenia v. Harb:
Undoubtedly, there are many tasks that a child, when asked may find unpleasant to perform. But ask we must and perform they must. A child who refused to go on an access visit should be treated by the custodial parent the same as a child who refused to go to school or otherwise misbehaves. The job of a parent is to parent.
Simply provide this quote in your lawyer's response that the children are required to attend for their residential time with you. You can then ask the lawyer to instruct their client do their job as a parent as the Honourable Mr. Justice Quinn advises.

If you are going to get confrontational in a matter I find using case law works well. Especially case law from Justice Quinn.

Good Luck!
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  #17 (permalink)  
Old 12-01-2016, 02:58 PM
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Trix is on a distinguished road

I absolutely hate the position our daughters are in as they have been told for years by the OP that they should be able to choose and I'm sure they will continue to receive that message. In the end, seeing that our baseline had, until recently been one of consistency, I am sure that tue transition back to it will be possible so long as I, at least, continue to ensure that this is not a conflict with OP, but me reassuring them that I know that it is about me caring about them and giving them what I think 9s most important. Family.

Thank you immensely for your post. It may become a very useful point.
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  #18 (permalink)  
Old 12-02-2016, 10:04 AM
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Trix is on a distinguished road
Default Well that's done....

Met with our daughter's counselor and OP yesterday. Made it clear that as we go forward trying to figure out why our daughter's (specifically our younger) are experiencing so much inner conflict, we will have to follow our existing parenting schedule.

The counselor had questions but readily accepted.

OP attacked me for a great length of time and then also began questioning the professionalism of the counselor, eventually questioning whether or not our daughters should continue sessions if it was so readily evident that I had manipulated the counselor and that OP was so clearly not being listened to, that I was so clearly the root cause of all our daughters inner conflict and given that OP is clearly the only one actually listening to, and looking out for, our daughter's emotional welfare.

She walked out at the end of the discussion saying she'd take me to court to 'protect' her daughter's and stop, if she felt it necessary, their therapy.

I am thankful that I had managed to have their counselling protected in our updated divorce order. Everything else is noise.

More importantly,

I spoke to D9 and D12 and told them that it was not a matter of ignoring any conflicted feelings they may be having, but addressing them while ensuring that we can count on our family time without them having to experience the pressure of having to 'decide' who they are going to please or displease, me, OP and eachother every night. Not their responsibility.

D12 had been mildly upset for the past two days saying "but I don't like it'. D9 has seemed, in all honestly, lighter.

They have heard forever from OP that they should be able to choose (two years ago was the first time D12 had outright stated it). On top if that, starting a couple of months ago I had started to allow them that 'freedom' ( burden). That will only make it somewhat more difficult for them.

We can move on from here though. As a family while we still have the time to during their formative years. It's not always going to be easy, but myself and my spouse are looking forward to starting some progressive steps and refocussing on what we can do for the girls and ourselves.

Been a crazy few days, but the first steps are taken.
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