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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 03-21-2014, 09:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serene View Post
There is a lot of irrelevant info in your posts:

Kids missed access because they were sick? Did they have meningitis? A sick kid can continue for access... and BOTH kids were sick at same time? So sick they couldn't see their dad on SEVERAL occasions? This sounds suspect.

The abuse you say you didn't pursue - if police thought he was abusive THEY MUST pursue charges. It isn't your choice to pursue or not... again your statements are suspect.

He won't let go of the past? Sweetheart - that is ALL you have been talking about!
First off I see this website as an avenue to vent and seek perspective within the scope of a divorce. I do not see this website as an avenue to attack people and question them as to the validity of their cases. Pls back off because I dont have anything to prove to you. Maybe venting abt my past is therapeutic for me sweetheart!

Kids missed one visit because both were vomiting. Visit made up. Second visit due to centre stat holiday closure. That visit was made up as well because I believe in fairness.

Police did pursue and laid charges every time. I didn't co operate in the trial process out of fear. Last time though I did get a peace bond.

My posts are and will never be irrellevant. It is the nightmare I am living within the court system. If they are irrellevant to you... then stop reading and above all, stop responding. Your negative energy has no place here in this thread.
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  #12 (permalink)  
Old 03-21-2014, 09:40 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by drainedbysystem View Post
First off I see this website as an avenue to vent and seek perspective within the scope of a divorce. I do not see this website as an avenue to attack people and question them as to the validity of their cases. Pls back off because I dont have anything to prove to you. Maybe venting abt my past is therapeutic for me sweetheart!

Kids missed one visit because both were vomiting. Visit made up. Second visit due to centre stat holiday closure. That visit was made up as well because I believe in fairness.

Police did pursue and laid charges every time. I didn't co operate in the trial process out of fear. Last time though I did get a peace bond.

My posts are and will never be irrellevant. It is the nightmare I am living within the court system. If they are irrellevant to you... then stop reading and above all, stop responding. Your negative energy has no place here in this thread.
I think you are looking at this the wrong way.

These are things your ex will probably claim as well and should. Advice on here is not always what people want to hear. However all view points are valid and you need to take it as constructive criticism and not an "Attack" on you personally.

People on here have been through what you are going through and can post anything they want to any thread they want as this is a public forum.
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  #13 (permalink)  
Old 03-21-2014, 09:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by drainedbysystem View Post
First off I see this website as an avenue to vent and seek perspective within the scope of a divorce.
I kindly remind you that there are more people participating in this conversation thread then just you. These people will express their own opinions and some of them may be counter to your own. Generally, I find the users who make this kind of statement (and the ones below) to be the most controlling type of people. They come seeking advice but, only if it suits their emotional needs (emotional reasoning).

Controlling people are not "objective thinkers" and do not take feedback well. They often make nonsense complaints about what they expect from members of an anonymous message forum on the internet like these.

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Originally Posted by drainedbysystem View Post
I do not see this website as an avenue to attack people and question them as to the validity of their cases.
You can "see" / believe whatever you want about this forum. It is a public message forum that is governed by a few rules but, those rules do not govern if posters will agree or disagree with your position. Furthermore, this forum is not an "emotional support" forum generally. The major contributors provide information on how not to screw up a family law matter.

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Originally Posted by drainedbysystem View Post
Pls back off because I dont have anything to prove to you.
Nor do we have anything to prove to you. You can take the advice of senior contributors or you can disregard it and project blame that it is "bad advice" and "abusive" to disagree with you. I point you back at the wise words of the justice who identifies the major challenges with the term "abuse".

Quote:
Originally Posted by drainedbysystem View Post
Maybe venting abt my past is therapeutic for me sweetheart!
I note the rude agression in your response. This is very a very common pattern of behaviour of a controlling person. When they are not winning favour the subject others to rude and condesending remarks.

If you require therapy I recommend you leverage the resources offered by your family practitioner of medicine. Most have a social worker on staff or can refer you to a properly trained resource. If you are seeking therapeutic support on an anonymous internet forum where people discuss "divorce" you are going to be very disappointed with the responses you get here.

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Originally Posted by drainedbysystem View Post
Kids missed one visit because both were vomiting. Visit made up. Second visit due to centre stat holiday closure. That visit was made up as well because I believe in fairness.
Yet, you think it is fair to come and lament about the other parent on a public internet forum where they can't respond to your hearsay about them? Odd.

Quote:
Originally Posted by drainedbysystem View Post
Police did pursue and laid charges every time. I didn't co operate in the trial process out of fear. Last time though I did get a peace bond.
1. People who have faced intimate partner abuse generally do not post on public message forums providing detailed particulars of what happened in their past;

2. They also do not act rude and condescending ("sweatheart");

3. They generally do not engage in conflict and try to convince poeople of their story;

4. They generally are working with victim services and are (or have) engaged in therapy; and

5. They would be more cautions of being "found" than you as this is the most popular forum for divorce in Canada. (they simply wouldn't disclose dates (even years!) as you have done.

Quote:
Originally Posted by drainedbysystem View Post
My posts are and will never be irrellevant.
The content in most of them is irrelevant. Just as most of the respondents here have disregarded your irrelevant "evidence" so too, in my opinion, will a justice hearing your matter.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Relevance_(law)

Most lawyers struggle with the complex concept of "relevancy" so unrepresented litigants such as yourself generally have little to no concept of what relevancy in law means.

You are talking about "emotional relevance" to you as a person and in support of how you are "feeling". What others are telling you is "irrelevant" is not your feelings but the information in relation to "legal relevance".

It would be more accurate to tell you that the evidence that you are presenting in support of your allegations of "abuse" are not probative and probably won't be considered by a justice even when weighed on the balance of probabilities in accordance with Rule 24(4) of the Children's Law Reform Act of Ontario "Violence and Abuse".

Quote:
Originally Posted by drainedbysystem View Post
It is the nightmare I am living within the court system. If they are irrellevant to you... then stop reading and above all, stop responding. Your negative energy has no place here in this thread.
I also find when people blame others such as this with having "negative energy" they are highly controlling. I suspect this is formed from a common underlying "belief" that they can control others and the "energies" around them and that the energies of others can control them. This is a form of "magical thinking".

These people tend to not see the "negative energy" that envelopes them that is commonly anger/spite/hatred often pointed at a system" or the other party in the matter. They often envision themselves living in a "nightmare" and therefor create this nightmare through their own fears and/or anxieties and/or worries.

The next thing that I predict on this thread that will happen will be this OP will ragequit the forum like so many others when people will not validate their "feeliings" and won't "believe" their story at face value.

Good Luck!
Tayken

Last edited by Tayken; 03-21-2014 at 10:39 AM.
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  #14 (permalink)  
Old 03-21-2014, 10:01 AM
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You have stated that you are "afraid of his lies and legal bullying." You also indicate that there is a peace bond which dictates you have to use a neutral drop-off location. This would indicate to me that you have taken steps to ensure that you do not have to have direct contact with your ex.

Why, and what, are you afraid of in the court process? Do you have legal representation? Sounds like you are afraid of many things.
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  #15 (permalink)  
Old 03-21-2014, 10:42 AM
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People who are afraid of being "found" have something to hide. I come to this forum with the truth.

I am represented by a fantastic lawyer who has presented my evidence to the courts very elequently. My lawyer is efficient and is highly ethical. Not only has she truly understood my case but really does work hard. The fear factor comes from years of being controlled by fear. My therapist is helping me with that.

In terms of the "controlling" factor. You have the right to your opinion. People that actually know me would disagree with you. As a side note sometimes we as people come accross the wrong way through messaging. Its impossible to see the context of our vocabulary.

You are absolutely right about the emotional attachment to this thread. I guess the word "suspect" set me off. I'm not here to fight anyone. I'm here for some objectivity.

I hear you about my evidence being acknowledged. How do you prove to the court your're divorcing an abuser. in my case its easy because my ex has used so much imflammatory language in his pleadings to degrade me as a human being. He has also made many admissions supporting the facts in my police reports. He's his own worst enemy.

Thank you for your feedback. Sorry if I offended anyone as it was not my intention.
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  #16 (permalink)  
Old 03-21-2014, 10:48 AM
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Relevance.

Unless you are trying to get an immediate divorce (without having to wait 1 year), whether the STBX was abusive is not relevant. You can apply for an immediate divorce if you can prove physical or mental abuse and for provable adultery.

So you are filing for divorce based on one of the above?
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  #17 (permalink)  
Old 03-21-2014, 10:53 AM
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We have been separated for a year this march.
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  #18 (permalink)  
Old 03-21-2014, 11:04 AM
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Well then what relevance is any of the abuse? It is in the past. Regurgitating everything is pointless really. In order to move forward you should be looking at things that relate to your children's current situation, division of assets, child and spousal support.
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Old 03-21-2014, 11:10 AM
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Well then what relevance is any of the abuse? It is in the past. Regurgitating everything is pointless really. In order to move forward you should be looking at things that relate to your children's current situation, division of assets, child and spousal support.
Classic emotional reasoning - he abused me, so I should get what I want in court.

I'm not for a moment excusing abuse.

But Arabian is correct, it doesn't have an impact on the things that need to happen, unless the children were abused.
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  #20 (permalink)  
Old 03-21-2014, 11:16 AM
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You're right, the abuse is indeed irellevant. It happened during the marriage now its over. The abuse is now within a legal realm. He has not provided frank financial disclosure after being court ordered to do so. Absolutley driving up my court costs. Filing for increased access via motions. I have always increased via consent. Its not a war for me. In terms of dividing assets, impossible without financial disclosure. He is fighting me for sole custody despite me offering him joint. I am now reconsidering the idea of joint. I cant work with someone who degrades me.

He has also refused any type of financial support. The judge didn't see things his way.
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