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rockscan 07-29-2017 11:27 AM

Access to medical info
Few weeks from the CC and a new thing came up. Kid that doesn't want to have a relationship with my partner had a medical issue. It was serious enough to upset my partner and ex shared very little info. He called her on it. Her response is that kid is old enough to make that decision and doesn't want him to know.

Part of her filing is for thousands in medical bills on things she refuses to share. I get that at a certain age kids can refuse to share info but is this different in divorce when they are requesting payment? Part of his filing is a request for full disclosure. If they refuse what happens?

denbigh 07-29-2017 11:48 AM

I'm not sure what age you are discussing, but certainly if 18 plus you would have no right to any r info and I would think Any medical person treating child as a mature minor would also not disclose anything to you. I guess the issue becomes the bills, if you are paying i would think you should be able to see the bills and in doing so would have a tiny bit of info. I am not sure what happens when an adult/ mature minor wants confidentiality and a parent to help with Costs. If my own Situation I wanted it o see a psychologist about marriage stress I just paid the bill because I could not put it through spouses insurance without him knowing and I needed it to be confidential

Tandem80 07-29-2017 12:56 PM

Maybe if they are old enough to decide not to fill in paying parents on the medical treatments then they can bear the costs themselves?

Probably not! I'm just getting sick of the noncustodial parent not having a say in their own finances.

rockscan 07-29-2017 02:06 PM

Kid is under 18. This is the excuse the ex gives when he wants info. Kid doesn't want him knowing anything. Now its that she has been told by a lawyer that this is legit. Problem is that she has also demanded thousands for a different medical issue that she wont share info on. Plus kid doesn't want him knowing anything about her. So how does that work going forward for costs of stuff? If he's paying support and education costs, shouldn't he be receiving info too?

Rioe 07-29-2017 04:35 PM

How can you make a determination on if the costs are reasonable/necessary if you don't have any information about what the situation/treatment is?

Also, a kid under 18 who doesn't want one parent knowing anything and paying blindly has probably been STRONGLY coached by the other parent (as you well know). If one parent is alienating the child from the other, I would think there's less ability to force the other parent to pay.

Is there joint custody for medical decision-making?

rockscan 07-29-2017 04:49 PM

They are to make joint decisions on everything but ex has never followed that. When discussing the approach to the response to the ex's motion (for everything under the sun), the lawyer said her actions and the actions of the children will be scrutinized. Both kids refuse to speak to him now as a result of the court action but one is over 18. Both kids have never shared details with him on health, education and activities. For the younger one he has had to provide the court order for everything but medical. The treatment he disagreed with because he was not consulted and has never received anything but a statement that he owes $$$$. Now we know why--kid doesn't want him knowing which means ex doesn't want him knowing.

And in case I didn't make it clear, kids have been heavily coached since before the separation. Now that they're "old enough" they "make their own decisions". His lawyer said that those decisions could impact how the case goes. Its not that he doesn't want to pay for them, he wants to know whats happening with his kids instead of just writing a cheque.

denbigh 07-29-2017 05:08 PM

[QUOTE If he's paying support and education costs, shouldn't he be receiving info too?][/QUOTE]

I am not a lawyer nor do I understand the legal system so take my opinion with a grain of salt but no I don't think that is necessarily true. Once you are in a mature minor situation or adult you decide who knows information about you, not your parents.

If you were paying the costs for postsecondary as a parent, you should know where the school is located and see a bill for tuition, but you would have no access to any more specific information such as which classes, or grades or disciplinary issues. Perhaps if there was something written into the agreement that parents agreed to only pay for passing grades, but otherwise I can't see that the parent would have any ability to have that information unless the adult child disclosed it.

In a mature minor medical situation I think it would be similar. Unless the child discloses it to you herself or gave consent to the medical system, you could not get any information. I think a good guideline would be if the child is being treated as a mature minor, therefore the medical system cannot (and ethically should not), give information out to anyone without the consent of the minor, it is realistic to expect that anyone who the child confided in about the situation should also not be talking about the issue with other people.

If your teen tells you something in confidence and then you go and tell another family member, that is only going to undermine the trust your child has in you. It is very important for teens to have at least one person they trust and can keep the lines of communication open. This is a safety issue. If you blab about issue A, they might not bring issue B or C or D to you next time. If you are not the person your teen trusts to share their confidential information with I think you have a better chance of bridging a way to a more trusting relationship by not forcing the issue. Perhaps in time (maybe months, maybe years) with the building of a stronger relationship trust will develop and you will become a confidant. This happens in intact families too, maybe one child goes to one parent for birth control or condoms and it is a secret because the child doesn't want the other parent to know.

I think the difficulty comes in when you (as the person wanting confidentiality) are asking for payment because in that case I think it is reasonable if you are paying a bill you see the bill, if nothing else to confirm there is a bill, and you would need the bill to submit if you have a medical plan.

I don't think it is reasonable for either parent to know the details in a mature minor situation unless the minor chooses to disclose. For example if the teen is seeing a psychologist, they might not want to tell their parents what they talk about. I think that is totally understandable. The parent might see the bill for the psychologist but not know the detail. Totally reasonable. But if the teen doesn't want the parent to even know they are going to a psychologist, then I think they would have to eat the cost themselves, or just have one parent who does know about it pay for it, or if doesn't want anyone to know them probably have to go to school counselor or find a place with free counselling.

Another example what if teen wants birth control, but doesnt' want parents to know. Any medical professional will still prescribe birth control to a teen as a mature minor, and the teen would either have pay for it themselves, go to a birth control clinic to get free or cheaper birth control, give prescription to a parent to fill/receipt for reimbursement, or take it to the drug store they know the family uses and already has drug card information and get it filled themselves and hope parent never asks for a print off of all the family drug information.

rockscan 07-29-2017 08:41 PM

The ex knows everything. Dad knows nothing. She makes all decisions good or bad. He gets told he owes $$$$ with no details. Hes requesting full disclosure within his filing.

mcdreamy 07-29-2017 09:38 PM


Originally Posted by rockscan (Post 222524)
The ex knows everything. Dad knows nothing. She makes all decisions good or bad. He gets told he owes $$$$ with no details. Hes requesting full disclosure within his filing.

Your partner lives away from his children, correct? And has since they've been young?

rockscan 07-29-2017 09:57 PM

He lives away yes but not since they were young. Its only been five years. He used to get full info on everything. Since ex filed with FRO she refuses to discuss, advise or share anything. She only messages when she wants money. This letting him know thing has been since the motion filing. Kid 2 has started this not having anything to do with him in the last two years.

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