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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 12-10-2013, 08:14 AM
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Get a lawyer, you will eat him alive.

He has no idea what is coming. You are going to get sole custody and exclusive possession and I believe he'll be paying for everything since you aren't working. Don't rush to sell the home you benefit by staying in the home with the kids as long as possible. Its all pretty dirty and unethical but it should work.
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Old 12-10-2013, 09:11 AM
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Family Law Act, R.S.O. 1990, c. F.3

Section 24 Deals with Exclusive Possession
Part 1 Details Equalization a bit
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Old 12-10-2013, 09:31 AM
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As it would be an INTERIM order, and in the interest in getting the couple to settle their finances in an expedient manner, the judge can rule for ALL house expenses be paid by the STBX while she and the children reside in the home. At the time of equalization and determining CS and SS the STBX is credited with his portion. It all comes down to careful wording of the interim order.

An Interim order can be a useful first step in getting an uncooperative bully to toe the line.

Last edited by arabian; 12-10-2013 at 09:43 AM.
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Old 12-10-2013, 09:51 AM
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Four aspects to separation: Equalization, Child Custody, Child Access and Spousal Support.

Equalization this is division of property, assets and debts. The default is that each spouse calculates their net worth at date of marriage and at date of separation. The value of the matrimonial home is always considered to be zero at marriage date, even if one spouse owned it beforehand. Then both amounts are pooled and divided by two. So each spouse leaves the marriage with the same increase in net worth over the course of the marriage. This is just a bunch of math. You don’t have to divide everything exactly down the middle – one person could keep their pension while the other gets the RRSPs, one person keeps the marital home and the mortgage while the other gets the van plus some cash, whatever works for you and makes it add up fairly. Sit down and figure out your numbers
. If you have a lot of debt, you'll probably have to sell your house as neither of you could qualify to take over the mortgage on your own. Then apply the proceeds to whatever debt can't be divided up. Then see what's left.

Child Custody this is decision-making for the big issues related to the children, education, religion, health, that sort of thing. Assume joint, unless one parent is truly completely disinterested, or abusive to the children.


Child Accessthis is the residential arrangements for the children. Assume 50-50 time sharing. This is becoming more and more the standard anyway. Consider possible schedules (most common are week about or 2-2-5-5), equitable division of holidays, etc. Or, one parent may end up with most of the access. Once access is determined, child support can be calculated automatically based on each of your incomes and the access schedule you end up with.

Spousal Support
this is financial support from a high income spouse to a low income spouse, who got that way due to career sacrifices like staying home to care for children or moving for the benefit of the other spouse.

As you have recently lost your job and your ex is self-employed, determining what income to use for each of you may be tricky.

That's separation in a nutshell.
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Old 12-10-2013, 10:14 AM
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It sounds like your Ex is going to be very uncooperative at this junction where you honestly should obtain legal counsel.

I would suggest that even within the first letter from your lawyer that you send him (at least) partial or interim measures for him to agree to in order to keep you and your children afloat (Exclusive Possession, 1/2 Matrimonial Home minus utilities, CS to help cover your 1/2 Matrimonial, potential SS).

Don't let him go back and forth which will run your precourt costs up.

Talk to your lawyer about time frames of courts:
Application: Two months to first Case Conference
Motions (thereafter): 2-4 weeks

An emergency motion might be considered if you can't keep the house afloat with any potential threats of foreclosure where your children will be put at risk.

Good luck.
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Old 12-10-2013, 10:48 AM
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Quote:
Get a lawyer, you will eat him alive.

He has no idea what is coming. You are going to get sole custody and exclusive possession and I believe he'll be paying for everything since you aren't working. Don't rush to sell the home you benefit by staying in the home with the kids as long as possible. Its all pretty dirty and unethical but it should work.
My advice, don't listen to this type of high-conflict forum spew from the bitter, misogynist crowd.

No one wins in a divorce, however, staying reasonable and doing things in a systematic way will help you with the steps.

The rest of the posters have provided excellent advice, you need immediate legal representation and legal aid might not be likely given that you own a home and thus have a substantial asset. I'd definitely check into it but I wouldn't let it hold up the process. I'd be looking for a lawyer that will work with you on paying once the house is sold.

As for the gf, ignore what you can and don't answer her phone calls, etc. However, keep records of everything in case you have a custody battle on your hands. If it escalates to anything you consider aggressive, get a restraining order.

You need to deal with the house situation. Currently, you're in a very gray zone because you haven't even filed yet. He technically can still come into the home...even remove items...and there's not a whole lot you can do about it legally.

Emergency motions have to meet certain criteria that I'm not sure you have...if you don't meet those criteria (ie, physical abuse, high financial hardship) you will have to file and wait for a CC to file a motion. That is not a quick process so you need to get started right away.

You're also going to need to start letting people know what's going on because you need a support system. You'll need emotional and maybe financial help to get through the next year or so....so start thinking about that. Nothing about getting through the process is quick or cheap. It a while to get a support order and then get it enforced but you can apply for retro CS once you get started.

Above all, keep your kids out of the conflict. Do not discuss the divorce with them. Stay positive about their father and visits with him...and do not demean him or his new gf in their presence. Whatever he does, do not descend to his level or involve the kids. You don't need to explain anything b.s. he says to them with your version of the story. Simply tell them that its an adult issue and that you're working on it with their father. Do a lot of reading on how to handle things with the kids during this process. It will help you manage their anxiety and stress through the transition.

Good luck!
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Old 12-10-2013, 11:18 AM
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The first order of business in preparation of court will be your sworn financial statement.

Family Law Rules Forms — Ontario Court Services It will be Form 13.1

Start accumulating as much information/validation (documents) of what you are entering onto this form (original/annual mortgage documents, title documents, life insurance documents, retirement investment documents, tax documents, current bank statements).

Insofar as banking stuff you should be locking out any joint credit (credit cards/lines of credit) or other joint monies that are available to both.

Print out statements of all banking/credit stuff of at least a year or since he started with the new GF (did he deplete family assets prior to separation?).

Keep all this information in a safe place, and not in the home where he may have access to it.

It's a lot of work, but that's the process with separation/divorce.
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Old 12-10-2013, 11:53 AM
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Here is another thread that I found after the fact in my case:

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...my-home-14293/

or just go to "search" on this site: enter "can my ex legally enter my home"

My house was on by name only and after he left I let him know I changed the code for the house. This was a sore spot for him forever---- He would then let me know he wanted to come over and we would make the arrangements.

My lawyer (who I let go) said he had a right to come in any time---she was wrong wrong wrong wrong. Read the post I gave you…… there are different terminologies regarding this.

While you are in the house--go through all the papers and financial stuff you can. If it is in his name only---Photocopy it and keep a file for yourself. My ex has assets not being claimed---and I have the documents. You may not use them directly---but when he prepares the financial you will be able to see if it is on the financial statement.

Decide on a date of separation. Send it in an email to him and see if he agrees to the date. If yes---start going to every financial institution you have and get the documents of your assets on that date.

I found the financial form daunting---and I am well educated. THe lawyers throw this form at you, you are in a mess, and don't know where to start.

Lucky for you you found this site early.

Also, if you google "exemplars" of financial statements, you will see how to fill some of the information out.
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Old 12-10-2013, 03:35 PM
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Excuse my lack of political correctness but since he has already moved out and left you de facto custody of the kids and you are unemployed what I have said is accurate.



The fact you have no income means he will be paying you something like 60% of his income for yourself and the kids. Whatever your work history is.
Depending on other factors it could be for a limited duration
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Old 12-10-2013, 03:40 PM
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If he ever stumbles across this site, and cares about his children, the first thing he's going to do is move back in.

She needs an interim order for exclusive possession and child support, imputing him an income if necessary. Once she has that, they can figure out a proper separation agreement themselves, or go to court for it.
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