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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 09-07-2010, 01:01 PM
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Then my answer would be yes, file an emergency motion to suspend the weekly access during the school year! Instead, look at extended access periods that work around the school year...ie Thanksgiving, PA days, full March Break, Easter, etc...
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Old 09-07-2010, 01:24 PM
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Sorry I wanted to clarify some more things, the "original" motion filed almost a year ago was for the same things, custody/access in relation to her move 100km away from the children's "habitual residence" as well as getting an actual order for child supoort to remain as it was. It appears as long as they had a domestic contract with their signatures (ie their seperation agreement) the courts will uphold the child support amount they agreed upon within the agreement, however there was no clause in their seperation agreement about if one of them should move a reasonable distance.....other than if one party moves they would have to amicably agree upon a new schedule...hence why we are where we are. the original co-parenting schedule was a 16 week rotation based upon the childrens mother's work schedule, and it quite literally put the kids 2 days with him, 3 days with her, 3 days with him, 2 days with her....this is now the schedule thy are back to following per court order, this poor girl is a ping pong ball with no sense of home. The mother has now changed jobs and is on a different schedule, and wants to adjust their parenting schedule whenever it doesnt work for her. I could ramble on about the intricacies of ths but it is really complicated. Any further advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Old 09-07-2010, 01:50 PM
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InterprovincialParents, thank you so very much for all you have said.

I find it so hard as the "father" fighting on this side of things. It appears that everyone wants to automatically side with the "mother" but if one could see all the details it would be so clear. My ex is not horrible, she has some issues, but right now she is not thinking of the best interest of my children.

The hardest part for me is knowing exactly what to state and focus on in court. My ex can turn on the waterworks and everyone focuses on her, even when its just about her boyfriends broken foot and him being out of work, they all tell her its okay etc... but when I express my concern and factual information, the Judge seems to cock his head and sniff me off and states how we just do not agree and that is that. The truth is, yes we cannot agree, but a decision has to be made who's side is to be Ordered.

We separated in 2008, I moved out upon mutual agreement, and I moved 2 blocks away to stay close to my children and their life. I was in the opposite direction and never had to see my ex except to pick my children up or drop off, it was perfect. She moved 100km away to be with her boyfriend and figures its just like living up north and having a school bus ride to school 40 minutes....but the 40 minute drive on a bus was over about 25km not 100km.

She is 100km away from her daughter when in her care, who can do that and be okay, who can allow such a distance and say its okay? The dangers are only a part of it, as I said it is a case of peer groups and family, medical/dental, everything is in upset because of such a distance and wanting to make it a 50/50 split of time, it just doesn't work.

With help from those that have gone through it may help me speed up this process for my daughters sake.
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Old 09-07-2010, 01:56 PM
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With just what I have read, knowing the jurisprudence on the matter, I am certain that the courts would agree...have you done any research to back it? If not, let me know and I'll email you a few links

My question now would be....why wasn't this dealt with sooner, so as to provide her with a balance and stability? And I would complain to the law society, as your lawyer knew your concerns regarding school, and chose the regular or fast track rather than urgent option...but that's just my 2 cents
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Old 09-07-2010, 02:12 PM
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My wife and I felt that if we could settle it would be easier than arguing the motion further. But she just does not want to settle unless it is by her own schedule. If I say one thing she simply says another out of spite.

I stood up on my own in the beginning arguing the Motion. I said that her being 100km away cannot work. I stated that it is dangerous to drive such a distance and in the winter over back roads etc. I stated family and friends are not able to coordinate for a relationship. So much was stated, but at that time she was the one with a lawyer and I was on my own. The Judge asked her lawyer if there was any problems staying with the 16 week schedule and her lawyer said NO, I said YES, my ex didn't say a thing (knowing it would not work either). The Judge said then stick with the same 16 week schedule and see if OCL will get involved and come back. We went back, no OCL would not get involved. The Judge said go and get Family Coordination Services involved, but neither of us could afford the cost, plus it would not help if she did not like the results the service came up with.

So, she is on her own (no lawyer), we are waiting for a Trial date, my lawyer hasn't done a single thing but be a legal presence for me. Originally the Judge told me not to bother trying this against my ex and her lawyer (at the time) alone, so my wife called everyone in the phone book until she found my lawyer (I make too much for legal aid). I did not know my ex was going to lose her lawyer. So, I have a lawyer who does nothing and she has no lawyer and the Judge doesn't want to make any Orders.

If I fire my lawyer I'll be stuck without one at all, owing him for doing nothing. If I stick with him, I have someone to be a legal person in my presence and if I win a trial he said she'll be paying for it all, not me. I'm just angry that it is in Court still.

From my understanding, this Judge doesn't like to make any decisions. I asked my lawyer once, why is none of the laws protecting my children, he said they are but since we do not agree on anything it has to go to Trial for those laws to help. A settlement won't help unless we can agree on something, that I understand. But I was arguing the Motion I started but with all the evidence and obvious facts nothing has been done.
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Old 09-18-2010, 09:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ConcernedDad71 View Post
I find it so hard as the "father" fighting on this side of things. It appears that everyone wants to automatically side with the "mother" but if one could see all the details it would be so clear. My ex is not horrible, she has some issues, but right now she is not thinking of the best interest of my children.
She moved away. She choice her loins over her kids. She will pay the concequences for that. You already have your son. You will get your daughter too.

As for the lawyer not replying in timely manners, they all do this. Don't sweat it too much unless they are not responding to the issues when you have a court date pending. When you do get ahold of him, just ask him frankly about the delays. He may have a good reason to not reply all the time, such as saving you money. I had similar issues with my lawyer too. She told me that she is on top of things, and if she needs to talk with me she will call. I talk with the assistant and keep them up to date on things. Saves lots of money, and keeps me feeling happy.
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Old 09-20-2010, 10:09 AM
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rwm1273, thank you. It has been a rough year (+). I went to fire my lawyer, handed secretary letter, he wasn't there. I was on my way to courthouse to get forms to release him of service, ran right into him. lol We went back to his office, he assured me that he understands how I feel and to talk to him this afternoon. I have some things I want in writing from him and some direct answers. He is doing me a favor and I know he knows his job very very well, I'm just not a top priority for him, but he will do what he can for my children. Its so hard, but knowing more of the laws because of this forum has helped considerably.....my humble sincere gratitude goes out to InterprovincialParents, someone who deserves thanks for being someone who deeply cares, you are never to be forgotten for your help.

This journey is so hard on my children and I know I am not perfect and their ears tend to hear, in my opinion, too much. I wish this process was easier and that there was a certain level of trust/honesty and concern for the best interest of the children from both sides. I spent 17 years married to someone who only had a severe anger problem among some others things but it just could not go any further after the "some other things" and was time to live...for me and my children.

Please help others as much as can be done. I'll post again if needed because this forum has been all I'd hoped it to be.
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Old 09-20-2010, 10:29 AM
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I don't understand why you aren't standing in front of a judge right now. Your child is 7, she's at an age where learning is paramount and the shuttling back and forth (esp when she doesn't WANT to) is going to impact her ability to learn!

What time does she have to get up to do this drive?

The situation is very much in your favour, except for the fact that you aren't the mother. You've waited long enough, cooperation is not coming. What have you got to lose? You already have 1 child with you and it's not likely that the court will split them up or send your son to live with his mom when he very much prefers living with you.
  #29 (permalink)  
Old 09-20-2010, 10:52 AM
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Simply put, the Judge has not wished to deviate. He is keeping things the same until we either settle or trial.

In my initial Motion I said the complex 16 week schedule would not work, the distance is great, she gets tired in school among other things. I was then unrepresented. She retained legal services, her lawyer said the 16 week schedule is fine, the Judge asked my ex if there is a problem, she said nope. So, he said then stick to 16 week schedule and try Mediation.

Mediation could not work as she said she would not Mediate unless I agreed to her terms.

So, I retained, she lost her legal representation.

I tried to Settle hoping to end this quickly. She will not budge. I could say it is sunny outside and she would say no it is not. She will not agree.

My lawyer has been somewhat poking this with a stick. He assures me he has been doing this for 30 years and understands.

Mostly it is the Judge who has not helped. The other Family Court Justice is more pro-children but I only stood in front of her once, she made temporary interim for the children to stay with me, my ex to have every other weekend and a single mid week. The normal justice I get has reverted back to not wanting to do much in regard to my childrens interests. So, I'm slipping through the cracks in Court. Hopefully getting in to Trial sometime in November may help. It is just dealing with this until then.

My ex is contacting me every day to try and change this and that to suit her work. She just will NOT see that the distance is too great to continue this normal 50/50 shared care and the bouncing back and forth every couple days. My Son at 14 has made his choice, he doesn't even speak to her much, she has dissinvolved herself with him.
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Old 09-20-2010, 11:02 AM
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Often judges do not want to make too many orders as they hope the parents will work things out. Problem is if the parents can't work things out, this inactivity of the judge does more problems in the long run, given how backed up the courts are.

As for the lawyer, it sounds like he does know what he is doing, and sometimes it is not in your best interest to go to court ranting and raving. Sometimes you got to give enough rope for the other side to hang themselves, unfortunately the rope is attached to your children, and this is hard to let happen.
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