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-   -   5-5-2-2 vs. week about for 8 year old (http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f3/5-5-2-2-vs-week-about-8-year-old-21286/)

tunnelight 08-24-2017 02:07 PM

5-5-2-2 vs. week about for 8 year old
 
which works better for a 8 year old?

If I am asking for 5-5-2-2 (defining the days) and stating, or in the further alternative, does that imply a different combination of days or that week about is also possible ?

To the OCL I have also asked for 5-5-2-2 verbally but also put week about as an option in the forms.

Having had week about arrangement this summer, I found child had time to be deprogrammed and adapt. With 5-5-2-2, just wondering if there wouldn't be enough time for child to be deprogrammed, adapt, and settle in.

Any thoughts? I was originally asking for every other weekend utter-nonsense but I have emended to 5-5-2-2. Do I need to further amend for week about alternative and advise OCL of same ? Or does the "or in the further alternative part imply other shared parenting schedules could work"

What is likeliness of OCL suggesting week about when you are only asking for 5-5-2-2?

Current arrangement is every other weekend and mid-week visit utter-nonsense.

Tayken 08-24-2017 02:54 PM

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...plained-13702/

Most of your questions are answered on this thread.

Tayken 08-24-2017 03:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tunnelight (Post 223054)
which works better for a 8 year old?

It depends on the child/ren involved. Maturity level. How long they have been doing an EOW or week-about schedule. Generally, 8 year old should be fine with a week about schedule.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tunnelight (Post 223054)
If I am asking for 5-5-2-2 (defining the days) and stating, or in the further alternative, does that imply a different combination of days or that week about is also possible ?

Don't really understand what you are asking. See the link I provided above for a full description of 2-2-5-5 schedules.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tunnelight (Post 223054)
To the OCL I have also asked for 5-5-2-2 verbally but also put week about as an option in the forms.

Really what you are requesting is the consideration of a recommendation for "equal residency" with the child based on either a 2-2-5-5 schedule or a week about schedule. Both are 50-50 (equal). They are just different configurations of a 50-50 equal residency schedule.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tunnelight (Post 223054)
Having had week about arrangement this summer, I found child had time to be deprogrammed and adapt. With 5-5-2-2, just wondering if there wouldn't be enough time for child to be deprogrammed, adapt, and settle in.

Drop the "deprogramming" nonsense. 50-50 access schedules are near impossible to "alienate" (gack) a child on. In fact, they are one of the tools often recommended for reducing parental stupidity and strategic alignment of a child to one parent's views/opinions. You have to be a magician to "program" a child on a 50-50 access schedule.

The child isn't being "programmed" by the other parent. The other parent is just a bad and stupid parent maybe. Stop throwing around terms like that. You will only make your case a mess by doing so.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tunnelight (Post 223054)
Any thoughts? I was originally asking for every other weekend utter-nonsense but I have emended to 5-5-2-2. Do I need to further amend for week about alternative and advise OCL of same ? Or does the "or in the further alternative part imply other shared parenting schedules could work"

50-50 equal residency on a reasonable schedule is all you need to request. If they ask for a schedule pattern week about, 2-2-5-5 or 2-2-3-3. If the OCL doesn't know what "equal residency" is then you have a much larger problem on hand. You shouldn't have to explain these basic concepts to them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tunnelight (Post 223054)
What is likeliness of OCL suggesting week about when you are only asking for 5-5-2-2?

As long as they recommend 50-50 equal residency what is the difference? Dollars and cents issue. So long as both parents are each investing 50cents worth of time to make an even dollar it doesn't matter if you count time with pennies, nickels, dimes or quarters does it?

Quote:

Originally Posted by tunnelight (Post 223054)
Current arrangement is every other weekend and mid-week visit utter-nonsense.

This is your more astronomical problem. Has there been a material change in circumstance that would allow for the change in residency schedule to even happen??

LovingFather32 08-24-2017 11:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tayken (Post 223056)
50-50 access schedules are near impossible to "alienate" (gack) a child on. In fact, they are one of the tools often recommended for reducing parental stupidity and strategic alignment of a child to one parent's views/opinions.

I couldn't agree more. 50/50 solves so much of these issues.

Quote:

... I have come to see that the problem is systemic in nature; that is, the problem lies primarily in the adversarial nature of legal determination of parenting after divorce.
...A legal presumption of co-parenting, rebuttable in established cases of child abuse and family violence, may in fact be the most effective means of combating parental alienation and curtailing its damaging consequences, while at the same time protecting the safety and well-being of children at risk of abuse.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...nation-parents
I'm also curious about any material changes that might warrant the increase in access (because you just had some week on/week off and it went well?). How long have you been EOW?

Tayken 08-25-2017 09:18 AM

LF32 you should look up the results in Australia. They are quite good. 22% drop in legal disputes.

tunnelight 08-25-2017 12:44 PM

After 2 years of litigation for my motion to change, the courts said the matter has become contentious and agreed with my request to appoint the OCL. The OCL accepted my case and is investigating the dynamics of the family and reporting on what would be in the best interests of the child given the present circumstances.

I have been advised by my counsel and that I do not need to argue and prove a material change to the OCL. Just to discuss the issues and what would be best for our child moving forward.

Our order has a clause that allows expanded access as agreed upon on writing.

Here it goes, but keep in mind the wording is different when communicated to OCL and courts. This is just a quick summary write up.

I've had difficulty getting information from 3rd parties, and the doctor refused to give me records because I do not have custody. Mom would not share out information as to where our child went to school, who her family doctor was, and the babysitters contact information.

I wasn't informed of child being taken to counselling, and when I got the records for that child never engaged with counsellor and mom used counselling to direct allegations about me to cas. Following that I learn child is struggling at the school and the school had involved a social worker (several months after mom had taken child to counselling) and the school then recommended counselling. I did not learn about it until several months into the litigation and the judge took attention to that. Counselling never took place after the schools recommendations until very recently when CAS got involved and recommended it.

My flexible work schedule allows me to do pickups/drop offs from school, but the other parent forces me to pickup from daycare although the child is not at daycare after school, and does not permit pickups from school and forces me to return the child at 6PM . I can also work from home due to the nature of my job and that allows me to provide care at other times as well, but the other parent has put the child in subsidized daycare, limiting the times I can have and causing me to have to pay to have more time.

Child has told me she would get yelled at by babysitter if she hugged me on pickups. Mom shows up with family members and friends at exchanges and me doing pickups from school would reduce conflict. I wouldn't have to see her and she wouldn't have to see me, and everyone is happy.

There have been calls made to the CAS about me from the daycare and the school, in which child has made comments of abuse against me, and child has stated to school that they are fearful of me and think that I'm going to kill them with a knife. Child did not repeat the comments to the CAS worker. I have directed CAS allegations back at daycare for child falling down the stairs, which the daycare denied and then verbally attacked me in presence of child for calling the CAS back on her and was not child focused at all. Relationship between daycare and I has been deteriorated following CAS involvement. I was never involved in the decision for daycare.

We don't have a holiday schedule and have not been able to agree to any regular holiday schedule, other parent denies my regular access weekends that fall on holidays and asks the child who the child wants to be with on that weekend, and decided to facilitate or deny access based on what the child says.

Other parent doesn't involve me in any of the decisions and only contacts me when payment is required. I have tried my very best to work with the other parent and even suggested tools we could use (and offered to pay), i.e., OFW, but it never happens.

As a side note, I do believe there is alienation, and have mentioned little glimpses of why I believe that in writing to the OCL , i.e., child refusing to call me dad claiming daddy is a yukee word. Stating "we don't like you" while with other parent before an exchange, refusing to hug me at exchanges and have an open relationship with me, being told to shampoo their own hair for stating their love for me, having fears of being stolen and chocking if they eat at pickups from daycare, etc. I have not shared these to OCL verbally but plan on doing so at some point during in house meeting. I haven't as I am trying to stick to the strong points such as unfounded CAS referalls, issues with daycare, unilateral decisions, holidays, child being burdened, and my concerns that if these things continue then the child will be pulled into litigation being preoccupied with doubts and worries about their future and our love for them, etc.


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