Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #11 (permalink)  
Old 07-17-2012, 06:17 PM
Tayken's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 6,569
Tayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant future
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by wretchedotis View Post
I can sympathize. I've been accused of sexually assaulting my son twice. Both times investigated by CAS and police - to which they concluded the accusations were unfounded.

I am currently scheduled for trial in criminal court for the second accusation of phyical viloence/threats to my ex. The first time costing me thousands in legal fees to defend, taking away valuable resources from me that could have otherwise been made available to my son. This time around after recently faced said previous criminal and even more recent family court proceedings - I lack the financial wherewithall to hire counsel to defend myself again.

All I can say is I am a man, and will hold my head high knowing I've never committed those acts. She can 'use the system' all she wants. Karma is a bitch and her malice will be returned upon her one day.

Until that day, I am content in the knowledge that I take the higher ground and will not seccumb to such petty tactics.

You can't control what others do - you can only control your own actions.
If only others could do the same as you are doing... That is how you resolve the problem by properly defending yourself. Taking the higher ground and logically disassembling the arguments versus allowing yourself to be overcome with emotion (succumb to petty tactics) will be the best resolution to the problem.

Fear (anxiety) is the worst thing to have at a time like this. Hard for many people to do in these intense situations.
Reply With Quote
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 07-17-2012, 07:35 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 216
FamilyBlah is on a distinguished road
Default

It is a tragedy that such behaviour is still going on considering the known effects it can have on children.

The difficulty in trying to represent oneself is immeasurable in the best of circumstances, but when one must deal with a high conflict parent who likely has a personality disorder and is represented by an unscrupulous lawyer with no interest in negotiations or settlement, it is extremely debilitating. Now throw in some false spousal abuse allegations and some false child abuse allegations, some parental alienation, and the plethora of negative enablers the "REAL ABUSER" collects in their wake....it's a recipe for disaster!

I am now unable to work because of health reasons, yet I have no choice but to continue. The best interests of my children are NOT being served! Giving up is not an option for me!

I really cannot comprehend how a court system that places so much weight on the best interests of the children can allow something like this to continue, not only in a single case, but year after year. Is it not a truism that an attack on a parent is also an indirect attack on the children to some extent? I really don't get it.

There must be a point in time when someone is held accountable.
Reply With Quote
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 07-17-2012, 08:44 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 216
FamilyBlah is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
If only others could do the same as you are doing... That is how you resolve the problem by properly defending yourself. Taking the higher ground and logically disassembling the arguments versus allowing yourself to be overcome with emotion (succumb to petty tactics) will be the best resolution to the problem.

Fear (anxiety) is the worst thing to have at a time like this. Hard for many people to do in these intense situations.
I am also trying to properly defend myself. Make no mistake, I have not always been a saint in this litigation process, but I can honestly say I've improved. I'm making a concerted effort to remove emotions from the equation when it comes to my actions and words. I am trying to "logically disassemble the arguments" but stress, mental health, fear and anxiety, immense sadness, anger, all serve as barriers to some extent despite best efforts. And that's only my side of the wall. On the other side you have a HCP, a lawyer, and a seemingly never-ending entourage of negative enablers.

An even playing field sure would be nice.

The quickest and simplest explanation as to how it all makes me feel is that I don't know whether to cry or punch myself in the nose.

-----------------------------------------

Here are some things I am doing (and plan to do) in an effort to logically disassemble the arguments. Direction is very much appreciated if I appear misguided.

Child Abuse Allegations

1. CAS investigated the allegations. They interviewed me once in my home and I am assuming they also interviewed my ex-wife and each of our three children. If memory serves, the time between when they interviewed me and when they contacted me to let me know "it was not a matter that required CAS involvement" was 2-3 weeks.

I have met with CAS and requested a copy of the file. They are going to provide me with a "summary" of the contents. They said they would have this for me before the trial management conference in late September.

I am sending a letter to my ex's lawyer tomorrow requesting they consent to an order for the Children’s Aid Society of XXXXXXXX to provide full disclosure of any and all files concerning the children of the marriage by providing a true copy of all information contained therein. I do not expect them to consent so I will likely have to file a motion to get the order.

QUESTION: I'm certain I will need to serve both my ex and CAS. Is this just a matter of serving the same documents on both parties?


2. I have two separate Facebook "conversations" through private messages with two different individuals. These individuals were once mutual friends of both me and my ex, but have since been recruited into my ex's entourage. The conversations occurred after the separation, but before my ex recruited them.

In the messages, they refer to what a great father I am. One of the messages also includes "and [my ex] thinks so too."

I strongly suspect that my ex may try to use one (possibly both) of these people as character references. This seems like something I should hope for.

QUESTION: Are these relevant? How do I ensure these are admissible (Request to Admit)?


3. I have another Facebook message sent from my ex to my mother. This message was sent more than 18 months after the separation. In the message, my ex states, " he is a great father and I have never doubted his love/care for his children."

QUESTION: Is this relevant? Should I have my mother attach an affidavit to a copy of this FB message?


4. I was able to briefly look at my children's medical files during an appointment with the family doctor last week. I explained why I was interested and he stated there are no reports or indications of abuse in any of their files. I have another appointment next week where I hope to get copies of the files.


Thanks everyone!

Last edited by FamilyBlah; 07-17-2012 at 08:48 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 07-18-2012, 06:27 AM
Tayken's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 6,569
Tayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant future
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by FamilyBlah View Post
QUESTION: I'm certain I will need to serve both my ex and CAS. Is this just a matter of serving the same documents on both parties?
In my opinion you should just serve the request for disclosure (use Form 20) to the other party and serve it on the other party's lawyer. You can try and suggest that the CAS disclosure should be provided in accordance with Rule 35.1 of the CLRA.

There is a requirement to disclose (#5) on Form 35.1 which states:

I have been a party or person responsible for the care of a child in the following child protection court case(s): (attach a copy of any relevant court order(s) or endorsement(s) you have)

Now, it specifically states "child protection court case(s)" which may not apply as CAS made no findings. You should have gotten a letter from CAS with regards to the closing of the file. You can request a status report from CAS regarding the file and their position directly. I would recommend CC'ing the other party on this request to CAS.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FamilyBlah View Post
2. I have two separate Facebook "conversations" through private messages with two different individuals. These individuals were once mutual friends of both me and my ex, but have since been recruited into my ex's entourage. The conversations occurred after the separation, but before my ex recruited them.

In the messages, they refer to what a great father I am. One of the messages also includes "and [my ex] thinks so too."

I strongly suspect that my ex may try to use one (possibly both) of these people as character references. This seems like something I should hope for.

QUESTION: Are these relevant? How do I ensure these are admissible (Request to Admit)?
You can just put them into your trial record. Carefully read the content though and you need to produce them so they are defensible. It is easy to deny that the message is from the party who sent it. You don't want to find yourself having to ask for a technical order for Facebook to produce the evidence.

They are relevant in that they demonstrate that the party who said you were a good father said that your ex said this. It is double hearsay and most valuable if that person appears as a "negative advocate". You can always enter the evidence on cross examination.

Also, you should be requesting the witness list from the other party and what each witness will be called for and why. You can also address this at the pre-trial conference if they fail to provide this disclosure.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FamilyBlah View Post
3. I have another Facebook message sent from my ex to my mother. This message was sent more than 18 months after the separation. In the message, my ex states, " he is a great father and I have never doubted his love/care for his children."

QUESTION: Is this relevant? Should I have my mother attach an affidavit to a copy of this FB message?
This should be in your trial record and is relevant.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FamilyBlah View Post
4. I was able to briefly look at my children's medical files during an appointment with the family doctor last week. I explained why I was interested and he stated there are no reports or indications of abuse in any of their files. I have another appointment next week where I hope to get copies of the files.
Unless there is a specific order for sole custody to the other parent the doctor has to produce the records in accordance with Policy #5-05 of the College of Physicians and Surgeons.

http://www.ocfp.on.ca/docs/collabora...r.pdf?sfvrsn=2

Read the policy very carefully. Specifically:

Minor Patients of Separated Parents

The Children’s Law Reform Act permits an ‘access parent’ of a minor child to obtain personal health information about that child. However, many other factors may affect the right of an access parent to the personal health information of their child, such as a Court Order, a separation agreement, a marriage contract, or the fact that the parents live outside Ontario. Therefore, unless the physician understands the family situation and has the consent of both parents, the physician should seek advice from the CMPA or his or her lawyer before providing information to an access parent.

Remember, if there is no court order specifically stating custody (sole custody) or anything that doesn't permit you to obtain copies of the records then you are technically a "joint custodial parent" and can get the records.

Good Luck!
Tayken
Reply With Quote
  #15 (permalink)  
Old 07-22-2012, 03:01 PM
wretchedotis's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: ON
Posts: 2,317
wretchedotis is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by wretchedotis View Post
I can sympathize. I've been accused of sexually assaulting my son twice. Both times investigated by CAS and police - to which they concluded the accusations were unfounded.

I am currently scheduled for trial in criminal court for the second accusation of phyical viloence/threats to my ex. The first time costing me thousands in legal fees to defend, taking away valuable resources from me that could have otherwise been made available to my son. This time around after recently faced said previous criminal and even more recent family court proceedings - I lack the financial wherewithall to hire counsel to defend myself again.

All I can say is I am a man, and will hold my head high knowing I've never committed those acts. She can 'use the system' all she wants. Karma is a bitch and her malice will be returned upon her one day.

Until that day, I am content in the knowledge that I take the higher ground and will not seccumb to such petty tactics.

You can't control what others do - you can only control your own actions.
LOL!
Reading through ths thread - brings me back to when my ex and I first split up. Life was CRAZY. Thank God all the drama has calmed down to certain extent. I can recall how she tried to have me charged with theft when I once forgot to return some articles of clothing with him.

Don't get me wrong - she's still a nutbasket - just not as often anymore.
Only took 5 years...
Reply With Quote
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 07-24-2012, 05:36 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 216
FamilyBlah is on a distinguished road
Default

I met with the family doctor today and he explained that he would need a few weeks to check on his legal responsibilities before providing me with copies of my children's medical records. There is no court order regarding custody so there should be no reason not to allow me to have a copy, but I didn't want to argue. He said he could provide me with a letter stating there is no indication of child abuse in any of the children's files. I accepted his offer as this letter seems significantly better than a copy of the files
Reply With Quote
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 07-29-2012, 03:39 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 509
sahibjee is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by wretchedotis View Post
I can sympathize. I've been accused of sexually assaulting my son twice. Both times investigated by CAS and police - to which they concluded the accusations were unfounded.

I am currently scheduled for trial in criminal court for the second accusation of phyical viloence/threats to my ex. The first time costing me thousands in legal fees to defend, taking away valuable resources from me that could have otherwise been made available to my son. This time around after recently faced said previous criminal and even more recent family court proceedings - I lack the financial wherewithall to hire counsel to defend myself again.

All I can say is I am a man, and will hold my head high knowing I've never committed those acts. She can 'use the system' all she wants. Karma is a bitch and her malice will be returned upon her one day.

Until that day, I am content in the knowledge that I take the higher ground and will not seccumb to such petty tactics.

You can't control what others do - you can only control your own actions.
I am sorry bro, but i think you are not on the right track here, you should have entered a civil suit against the false accuser as soon as the charges were thrown out the first time. i dont know how long ago that was but consult a lawyer and go enter a suit against her.
by means of false allegations what she essentially did is perjury, a crime that is rarely ever punished in canada, and if the offender is female, then you can just forget about her being charged with perjury, maximum mischief!

therefor its important to take the matter privately and sue her, you will get off the second time, and having faced no consequences she will accuse you a third time, forth, fifth and sixth... take an action!
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:36 PM.