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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 10-16-2009, 05:06 PM
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Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
Have you gone to counselling yourself? If she was abusive to you, then you might need to talk to someone professional. I know how that feels. NOBODY should EVER be hit, regardless of sex. If she was attacking you, you do have a right to defend yourself. I know how it feels to be confronted, I will admit that sometimes it is too much and I have also struck back. It is not right, but it happens.

Unfortunately being a male means you are supposed to stand there and take it because you are likely stronger than her and anything you do will be called abuse. If that is that case, I am sorry for you. But if you actually struck back out of anger then you do need to get some sort of anger management. I hope you will think about this and get yourself some help.
I never hit her except 1 push and wrist hit after she scratched me with a screwdriver. Yes men are 95% abusers. I am not. But she would come to me with a knife because I said I dislike her father. She pushed my old mother against the wall in my mom's house. My mum cried but even then all I did was to talk my wife down. Sounds like mood disorder but she wasn't agressive every day. She would apologise and things would be normal. When she did hurt me I hid marks and that it was from her because of the shame. But my family knew.


@canniiee. I would never beat her, nor anyone else. The reason I fear she may bring this up is to mess child custody issue. And I wouldn't even bother if my lawyer didn't advice me that she may bring this up and lie her teeth out because how things are going, I may get full custody because she practicality abandoned our child.

But today again I begged her to spend more time with the child. Not because of her but because of the kid.
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  #12 (permalink)  
Old 10-16-2009, 05:20 PM
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Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
Have you gone to counselling yourself? If she was abusive to you, then you might need to talk to someone professional. I know how that feels. NOBODY should EVER be hit, regardless of sex. If she was attacking you, you do have a right to defend yourself.
No not yet because I'm ashamed to say my wife did this and that. I hear 95% or was it 75%? men are abusers but how many men seek help. I know only one that complained and he was on local tv news, plus the guy was huge.

But I may seek counselling to heal emotional scars. She called me impotent often because I do have those problems due to physical health but if she had that problem I'd try to help her wouldn't call her impotent when she can't. Then her family caused me stress.

Just an ugly thing. But since I already said it, it might have been my sexual health problem that made her mad. Maybe.
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Old 10-16-2009, 05:51 PM
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It is never OK to hit ANYONE
Edward.... you are totally correct... it IS never ok to hit anyone, man or woman. Violence is never the answer, and I am sorry that you were a victim of spousal abuse.

I am alsoo sorry that I responded to your post so rudely.

That was uncalled for.

Again... my apologies!

My sincerest apologies.
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Old 10-16-2009, 06:39 PM
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Originally Posted by representingself View Post
Edward.... you are totally correct... it IS never ok to hit anyone, man or woman. Violence is never the answer, and I am sorry that you were a victim of spousal abuse.

I am alsoo sorry that I responded to your post so rudely.

That was uncalled for.

Again... my apologies!

My sincerest apologies.

Apology accepted. You are going through tough times too so I don't blame you.
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Old 10-16-2009, 06:50 PM
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Originally Posted by Edward View Post
it might have been my sexual health problem that made her mad. Maybe.
NO, a caring spouse would not be mad over a medical problem.

Edward, please get some counselling for yourself. Your wife did not treat you well and I know how that feels. You should not be blaming yourself for making her mad, you didn`t. She CHOOSE to behave the way she did.

If you don`t want to call it abuse, you don`t have to. Divorce is hard enough to go through, but what you`ve ben through makes it worse. I`m sorry that you had to go through that.
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Old 10-16-2009, 06:57 PM
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@canniiee. I would never beat her, nor anyone else. The reason I fear she may bring this up is to mess child custody issue. And I wouldn't even bother if my lawyer didn't advice me that she may bring this up and lie her teeth out because how things are going, I may get full custody because she practicality abandoned our child.

But today again I begged her to spend more time with the child. Not because of her but because of the kid.
Well from what my friend just went through with his psycho ex, nothing she said held, up she had no proof of her allegations, but he also had several letters from people, including me, his ex's aunt and others who vouched for him as an EXCELLENT father, SO maybe this is something you can do as well... Try to keep all communication with her in writing so by email or text, if she really is avoiding time with the child then I can't see why a judge would change the status quo. Again, I don't know your whole story so I'm just going by what you've said, but if she has no proof that you've abused her and if you can prove your with the child 90% of the time, I don't see why a judge would change that........

Have you been to court yet over any of this, or are you just going for your case conference, what stage are you at?
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Old 10-16-2009, 08:13 PM
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We are still negotiating.
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Old 10-16-2009, 11:28 PM
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Your wife (and many other women) will use the battered wife syndrome to get what they want in Court. If she has police reports and/or photos of bruises you're in for an uphill battle.
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Old 10-16-2009, 11:30 PM
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First of all, all of you get your statistics correct. Almost EQUAL number of men are abused by their partners. Most men will not report abuse or even admit being abused because they are too embarrassed to do that. I don't have the source of my information handy but it is easy to look up on the internet. (perhaps the data is already there on this forum). It is not okay to abuse anyone and it is not okay to tolerate abuse either.

Edward, I have got two words for you: Get Help. You seem to have more than anger management problem. I think you also need to learn how to let go of your ex. You are reporting a long history of domestic violence and yet you are being so nice to her. (She does not seem to care about your niceness) You seem to believe in everything that she tells you. She says one thing and does completely opposite. Don't blame her family, accept that it is really her who does not want you or your son.

Sorry if I am being too straight forward but the sooner you accept the reality the better for you and your son.
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Old 10-16-2009, 11:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by singledad99 View Post
First of all, all of you get your statistics correct. Almost EQUAL number of men are abused by their partners. Most men will not report abuse or even admit being abused because they are too embarrassed to do that. I don't have the source of my information handy but it is easy to look up on the internet. (perhaps the data is already there on this forum). It is not okay to abuse anyone and it is not okay to tolerate abuse either.

Edward, I have got two words for you: Get Help. You seem to have more than anger management problem. I think you also need to learn how to let go of your ex. You are reporting a long history of domestic violence and yet you are being so nice to her. (She does not seem to care about your niceness) You seem to believe in everything that she tells you. She says one thing and does completely opposite. Don't blame her family, accept that it is really her who does not want you or your son.

Sorry if I am being too straight forward but the sooner you accept the reality the better for you and your son.
Well said.
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