Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 10-16-2009, 02:55 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 106
Edward is on a distinguished road
Default wife may use "domestic violence" to get child custody.

My W and I are going through a divorce and child custody issues. Years back we had arguments about her family who tried to control our marriage. I didn't allow that and my wife would go wild on me. But once we 2-3 times she called police lying i hit her FIRST. She is one of those people who would fight you now and 5 minutes later like nothing happened.

But she called police 2-3 times and they heard both of our stories and on he request had her removed from the home, which she would return the same day.

I don't remember all but I know she said I hit her. I said she hit me first and I hit her back. I remember they told us one time to work things out.

Then one time my brother called the police when we had a fight. As usual she would always cry when police comes, but later told me she cried because she was scared because she called them for no reason. Even her mom told her once she shouldn't behave like that. I was never charges or anything like that.

When my brother called the cops I know they noted in the record that I wasn't very friendly with them. Of course I wasn't. They came ans saw her as the victim when she fist jumped on me and started hitting me. But the cop did tell me to give her a couple of days to "cool off" and then contact her to get back.

Then once she pushed my mom against the wall and other time tried to hit our baby on the back so hard and my mom put her hand to protect the child. My mom's hand was sore for hours. Sometimes she would hit me and I had marks and my family would ask what is that, i said nothing. they said she is hitting you. they knew. but for various reasons I didn't want to do anything about it. Once she scratched me with a screwdriver.

I think she may press charges. Of course to get the custody.

After she left 1 year ago we were very close and even spend a "night" together.

The child is under my care 90% of the time. I literally beg her to spend more time with the child (which I have on my text messages) but she says she can't because there is another toddler in their household and the 2 of them fight a lot. She took him yesterday and asked me to pick him up tomorrow. I also have proof that she said I am a good father.

But obviously, my anxiety didn't fail to interfere.
Reply With Quote
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 10-16-2009, 10:06 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Ontario
Posts: 992
representingself is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Edward View Post
But once we 2-3 times she called police lying i hit her FIRST.

I don't remember all but I know she said I hit her. I said she hit me first and I hit her back.
OMG...you hit your wife????

Disgusting!
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 10-16-2009, 10:08 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Vaughan
Posts: 2,360
billiechic is on a distinguished road
Default

If you are worried you should try to get a copy of those police reports. Then you will know if there is anything that could harm your chances for custody. Her reasoning for not spending time with you child is very poor. The fact that she hasn't filed charges yet means tehy probably won't hold up well in court.
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 10-16-2009, 10:13 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Vaughan
Posts: 2,360
billiechic is on a distinguished road
Default

Wow, I totally missed the part about the hitting her FIRST. I misread that she lied about you hitting her. If you did hit her then you do have something to worry about.
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 10-16-2009, 01:03 PM
wretchedotis's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: ON
Posts: 2,317
wretchedotis is on a distinguished road
Default

Hey Edward.

Just wanted to throw my two cents in. Take it or leave it. First off, you are wrong to hit a women. Period. I don't care if she wrapped a tire iron around your head first. There is just no excuse.

Having said that, emotions can sometimes lead us to do things we wouldn't normally do. I would suggest to you to take an anger management class or something. This will help you prevent any such further incidents, as well as show anyone who may be paying attention that you recognize you were wrong to resort to violence.

Next time you find you or her in a similar situation... walk away. If she hits you... call the police and let them deal with it.
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 10-16-2009, 03:39 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 106
Edward is on a distinguished road
Default

It is wrong to hit I know. But I didn't punch or slap. When I said 'hit' once I pushed her and the other time hit her in the wrist.

But the fact that she would come to me with a knife, use a screwdriver, hit all over the body, me having bruises, is OK?

Billichik, you didnt misread. She was very agressive, but 5 minutes later she would be like nothing happened. And I need anger classes for barely defending myself a couple of times while other times I would hide marks she would hit me? BTW I did get police records and and they just say what we both said. I wish I just called police every time and show my bruises but I didn't . I took her with me for marriage counselling once but she didn't wanna go again.

Some people here are ignorant.
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 10-16-2009, 04:03 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Ontario
Posts: 992
representingself is on a distinguished road
Default

Ignorant??? HA!

It is NEVER ok to hit a woman...

If she was attacking you, you walk away, or call the police.

It is not ok that you suffered abuse either, but that doesn't excuse "hitting her back".
Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 10-16-2009, 04:09 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 106
Edward is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by representingself View Post
Ignorant??? HA!

It is NEVER ok to hit a woman...

If she was attacking you, you walk away, or call the police.

It is not ok that you suffered abuse either, but that doesn't excuse "hitting her back".
It is never OK to hit ANYONE
Reply With Quote
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 10-16-2009, 04:29 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Vaughan
Posts: 2,360
billiechic is on a distinguished road
Default

Have you gone to counselling yourself? If she was abusive to you, then you might need to talk to someone professional. I know how that feels. NOBODY should EVER be hit, regardless of sex. If she was attacking you, you do have a right to defend yourself. I know how it feels to be confronted, I will admit that sometimes it is too much and I have also struck back. It is not right, but it happens.

Unfortunately being a male means you are supposed to stand there and take it because you are likely stronger than her and anything you do will be called abuse. If that is that case, I am sorry for you. But if you actually struck back out of anger then you do need to get some sort of anger management. I hope you will think about this and get yourself some help.
Reply With Quote
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 10-16-2009, 04:40 PM
canniiee's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 71
canniiee is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
Have you gone to counselling yourself? If she was abusive to you, then you might need to talk to someone professional. I know how that feels. NOBODY should EVER be hit, regardless of sex. If she was attacking you, you do have a right to defend yourself. I know how it feels to be confronted, I will admit that sometimes it is too much and I have also struck back. It is not right, but it happens.

Unfortunately being a male means you are supposed to stand there and take it because you are likely stronger than her and anything you do will be called abuse. If that is that case, I am sorry for you. But if you actually struck back out of anger then you do need to get some sort of anger management. I hope you will think about this and get yourself some help.

I agree with you.

Edward, if you are really concerned that she is going to spew these accusations, beat her to the punch and enroll in an anger management course, at least then you can show the judge that you are doing what you can to control your anger.

Also, how can she press charges if these were things that happened a long time ago? If someone is abused shouldn't they report the incident right when it happens, can she really report something that happened a year ago?

Also, a friend of mine kida went through the same thing, his ex tried to say he was abusive because he allegidly hit her one night, but when it went to case conference the judge basically ignored it bacause it was a he said she said and it happened like 3 years ago and was never reported at the time.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Children's bennefits Wiser2008 Financial Issues 20 01-02-2014 11:19 AM
need info on getting temporary custody order sloane Divorce & Family Law 11 07-02-2010 11:49 PM
new here & need advice Please??? momofnl Divorce & Family Law 4 03-25-2007 02:36 PM
bigamy? lost in relation Divorce & Family Law 1 10-22-2006 09:45 AM
How to proceed CatvsLion Divorce & Family Law 9 04-25-2006 10:10 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:23 PM.