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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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Old 09-16-2011, 12:04 PM
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Default What would you do?

What would you do if your child reports witnessing domestic abuse while spending time with NCP?

The abuse is directed at his girlfriend. He has a history of domestic violence and has been convicted several times in the past.


I take this quite seriously as I have expericed the abuse at his hand and know quite well the effect on my children.

There is a history with vexatious litigation, using court as a platform for harassment, perjury etc. so I don't know if this is a place I want to address it in. I am litigation exhausted.

I know children witnessing abuse is indeed abuse on them but I am not sure if I should take this to CPS or what they would even do if I were to report it.
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Old 09-16-2011, 06:02 PM
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I would speak to my ex in a calm, compassionate manner and either record the conversation, or follow up with an email where I quoted things that were said so that I had a reference.

If the ex told me to mind my own business, I would then speak to child protection services and ask for advice.

I would not expect that I could achieve results through this, the point would be documentation so that if, in the future, the situation escalated, I would have a record of past efforts.
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Old 09-17-2011, 09:01 AM
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You mentioned "and has been convicted several times in the past" in reference to domestic violence. Has you ex been convicted for dv or charged with domestic violence several times?

What did the child report that was described as DV?
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Old 09-17-2011, 11:40 AM
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Mess,

Thanks for the response. I wish it was as simple as discussing it with him but it is not.


Staysingle,

By convicted I mean CONVICTED and served time. Daughter says argument was physical, words loud and terrifying.

This is not the first time or the only one of his "girlfriends" he has done this to either.

This is a hard situation for my daughter to discuss.

As a parent I am caught between a rock and a hard place. I want to do the right thing for my daughter but it has to be effective.
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Old 09-17-2011, 12:48 PM
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ur ex obviously needs some anger management classes. You have to protect your daughter first and foremost. Maybe you could talk to him to try and control himself when your daughter is there, but i feel that will not be possible. If he has been convicted numerous times and hasnt changed then talking will not help. Best thing to do is make sure your daughter has a cell phone or a way to contact you to come and get her when he gets out of control.

If he tries to fight it then let him take you to court. What is he going to say to the court, that its okay for his daughter to be there when he is verbally and physically abusing someone??
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Old 09-17-2011, 04:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrsb View Post
Mess,

Thanks for the response. I wish it was as simple as discussing it with him but it is not.
Of course it isn't. The point is, you can't "do" anything about it at this point. What can "do" is document.

Your ability to document has to extend beyond "he said/she said." If you send an email recapping a conversation you had, this has at least some weight in verifiying that the conversation took place. If you make a report to child protection, that report goes in a file. It will likely never be followed up on, but on the day that you need to prove "something" happened, you may subpoena that file.

You cannot "do" anything at this point in an active sense, but you can make sure that in the future, when a situation arises where you need to take action, you have documentation to show an ongoing problem.
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Old 09-17-2011, 05:25 PM
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Call child protection and review the matter with them (tape record your conversation with the cp worker). The prior DV convictions should count for something. Head Mess advise and email ex your concerns ( this could be tough though if you feel he will take it out on the child).

Multiple convictions for DV violence is a dangerous history. If you think for a second your child is in physical or emotional danger do not bring the child back there and proceed with court action.

You have to protect your child first and worry about process second if ( a very serious 'if' because there will be unpredictable and serous fallout from taking unilateral action) you think a child is immediate danger.

Your in a tough spot and I say follow your instincts.

Good Luck !
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