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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 02-25-2013, 08:32 AM
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Default What is with CAS?

Hi,

Let me give you a little background. My wife was charged with assault and 2 counts of mischief on me which initiated our separation back in Jan 2012.

Family day 2013 my stbx loses it. She pulls my sons hair so hard that his scalp hurts for 4 days, she chokes him. This happened in her vehicle outside my house, so he escapes and runs into my house. She gives chase and grabs his arm as he is about to close the door. My mother intervenes and tells my stbx to leave and is pushing her away from the door and my son.

My son pulls free and my stbx sticks her leg in the door so it can be closed and she is trying to force her way in while my mother tries to keep the door closed. (an FYI...I am not home). Finally my mother collapses to her knees, she is 65, and asks my son to get her the phone so she can call the police. My stbx slaps the phone out of her hand as she tries to dial 911. My mother clutches her chest and has a hard time breathing. My stbx switches and helps my mother up then leaves. This was all witnessed not only by my son, (he is 12) but also by my 10y/o and 6y/o daughters.

The police are called, and my mother tells them her story but is reluctant to press charges. The police are going to notify CAS. Four days later, CAS arrives to interview the kids. They tell her what happened and they all have the same version of the story. I also learn that they told the CAS lady that they don't have supper often at their mother's, she gives them a bag of chips.

When the CAS lady tells them that she will speak with their mother and try to resolve these physical issues, the kids beg her not to speak with her until they are back with me because they are afraid she will be angry and punish them. At least if she waits until they are back with me, she will have time to cool down.

I speak with the CAS lady after her interview with the kids and I tell her that this is an escalation and I am concerned that it my get worse, can she make the kids stay with me. She says no, there is no imminent danger/

??!! What is going on here? How can she let the kids go back to that. My stbx is violent. She no has 2 assault charges, 2 domestic mischief charges, forcible entry and a breach of peace bond charge. I had to ask the police to look into the assault on my son and that is still up in the air. Where is the line to cross where the kids safety is a concern?
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Old 02-25-2013, 09:53 AM
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I have no faith in cas at all. My ex and her boyfriend beat the crap out of each other in front of the kids, my kids explained in detail what was going on. My ex also physically abused my oldest son. He told them about the abuse, they met with his mother and I really have no idea what happened.

The cas could not tell me any details of what was discussed with my ex without her consent. I was only told that I did the right thing by calling. The file was open for about 3 months and then I received a call saying that it was closed.

They are useless in some cases and ok in others but I think a lot depends on the case worker. All I know is that next time my ex and her partner pull any shit on my kids, the police will be called and I will withold access and file a court motion to protect my kids.
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Old 02-25-2013, 10:21 AM
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well I spoke with a lawyer about withholding access and he said that if CAS says there is no imminent danger then withholding would be frowned upon. The police were called and they are going to interview my son but his mother has already given them a convincing story. She also has a good ability at manipulating people, I fear that she will have my son down play the incident. He already called me and told me that she has told him to say something that wasn't true.

So there is still the problem with CAS, they seem to hold the children's well being in their hands but where anyone else is aghast, they don't seem concerned.

I'm going to FLIC tomorrow to talk about my options. I'll update.
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Old 02-25-2013, 10:37 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mr.mom View Post
The police are called, and my mother tells them her story but is reluctant to press charges.
Why?

Quote:
The police are going to notify CAS. Four days later, CAS arrives to interview the kids. They tell her what happened and they all have the same version of the story. I also learn that they told the CAS lady that they don't have supper often at their mother's, she gives them a bag of chips.
Is the CAS interview private?

If so, how do you know what was said?

Quote:
I speak with the CAS lady after her interview with the kids and I tell her that this is an escalation and I am concerned that it my get worse, can she make the kids stay with me. She says no, there is no imminent danger/

??!! What is going on here? How can she let the kids go back to that.
A good question, the case worker obviously saw something that differed from the story you have presented here.

Quote:
My stbx is violent.
Not violent enough for your mother to want to take action it would seem.


Quote:
She no has 2 assault charges, 2 domestic mischief charges, forcible entry and a breach of peace bond charge. I had to ask the police to look into the assault on my son and that is still up in the air. Where is the line to cross where the kids safety is a concern?
Unfortunately, violence allegations that have no basis in reality are almost a standard feature of ugly custody battles. If your story is true (and it was probably embellished a bit, let's be honest) it might still be overlooked in the overwhelming swamp of the trumped up DV accusations.

The CAS interview gave no cause for alarm, so I'm not sure what you would expect the police to do.
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Old 02-25-2013, 04:27 PM
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Why?

I think its a pretty common thing to be reluctant to charge someone you had a close relationship with.

Is CAS interview private?

yes.

If so, how do you know what was said?

I know because I was asked to tell them what I was told, and the worker stated it matched. As for chips for supper. I was speaking to my son at about 6:30pm and he said his mother wasn't home. I asked if he ate yet and he said no, then told me that they don't eat supper often. Then he told me that he told CAS that.

Not violent enough for your mother to want to take action it would seem.

She did take action and my stbx has been charged.

Unfortunately, violence allegations that have no basis in reality are almost a standard feature of ugly custody battles. If your story is true (and it was probably embellished a bit, let's be honest) it might still be overlooked in the overwhelming swamp of the trumped up DV accusations.

I'm sure they are. There is no custody battle here, we are sharing custody 50/50, no order yet, cs being paid as per the table, no order yet. You are assuming there is a custody battle, none was mentioned.

Embellished? How would I know? I wasn't there. I am just saying what I have been told by my son, my daughter and my mother.
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Old 02-25-2013, 04:43 PM
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Oh and in addition, to ease any doubt.

When my stbx was charged with assault the first time (not embellished, it was on video as per the safety strategy laid out by a police officer on a previous call to the house), I did not play the DV game. I did not go for full custody, I did not withhold our kids from their mother, we set up a shared custody arrangement from the start. I have never indicated that I wanted more access than 50/50. 50/50 was what I had put in the parenting parenting plan I drafted for mediation. Mediation which my stbx walked out of. She wants her day in court. She wants to be heard.

However, things have gotten out of hand. It has been a year after our separation, things are escalating at the kids' mothers place, conflict which is not experienced at my place, is happening frequently. A pattern of, what I feel is, emotional anguish and increased conflict. My concerns were voiced to CAS a couple of weeks before this physical conflict. And I anticipate my stbx will attempt to bar access nest.(remember there is no order)

Our son has already told me that his mother has told the kids that they are no to contact me via telephone or text. (our son is crafty, he didn't contact me to tell me that, he texted my girlfriend)

My only concern is for our children's safety and well being.
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Old 02-25-2013, 11:28 PM
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You are emotionally involved. CAS is not.

That's the difference.

Speak to your lawyer about applying / motioning for full custody. Start the process if you're so concerned. It will take a year to wind it's way through court (at least). If similar happens again - refuse future access.

Your lawyer gives you advice, it's up to you to decide if the danger out-weighs your actions being 'frowned upon'.

Last edited by wretchedotis; 02-26-2013 at 12:02 AM.
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