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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 01-20-2009, 10:36 AM
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Default Wake me up, it's a nightmare

I have been reading on this forum for a while. This is my first post. My ex and I separated about 9 months ago. We had a separation agreement done by a lawyer but didn't need to see a mediator or go to court. I thought things went pretty smoothly.

About a month ago, my ex told me he had to be away from me for his own sake... I don't know where this was coming from. I never tried to be in his life, didn't have his address until about 2 weeks ago, and I never call him unless I want to talk to the kids. I want to encourage him to be in my kids lives, they love him and need him. We argued a couple of days ago, I raised my voice, and he now claims he went to the police to report me, saying I hit him... Why would he do that? Can he be depressed? What will the police do? I am so scared now. I just want to move on, have a happy life with my children. I wish he could be happy too, I don't know where this anger is coming from... help. What can I do?

Also, I don't know the legal terms... what is an allegation?
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Old 01-20-2009, 11:21 AM
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Was anyone witness to this argument?
Was this in person or over the phone?
Anything over the phone would be hearsay and subject to speculation as any party would one have heard one side of the conversation.

If there were no police attendance at the time of or immediately following said argument, I would speculate that this is a scare tactic. Police would normally attend his residence take his statement, then attend yours to take your statement to see if any further action was necessary. There is potentially more to this then he is letting on. Tread lightly, stay child focused and avoid any return to this topic if at all possible.
If it is a scare tactic it will wash, if he is using this as a prelude to something else, I would take a few moments to document the event, what each said, what you felt lead to the argument etc and only deal with it if it goes any further.

You would be well advised to start keeping a diary of events between the two of you.
This will be admissible evidence if need be in the future.
It compensates for lost or distorted recollections of events after the fact, particularly if they are kept succinct yet detailed enough.

I think it is just a scare tactic at this point.
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Old 01-20-2009, 11:50 AM
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Unfortunately, the kids heard our voices, but they were not in the same room as us. We were in person, not over the phone. We won't be talking in person anymore. It just doesn't work.

He said he went to the police on the recommendation of his lawyer, the day after our argument.
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Old 01-20-2009, 01:03 PM
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I agree that this is likely a scare tactic, probably stirred up by his Lawyer. I suspect his Lawyer wants you scared to disagree with whatever your H brings up. You should definitely get a Lawyer to help you through the Divorce proceedings. You didn't say if there would be child support paid, but I suspect, without proof, that this may be what has him riled up. He may be hoping to intimidate you so that you will agree to less CS. Just my opinion. Protect yourself and your children.
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Old 01-20-2009, 02:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scared View Post
Unfortunately, the kids heard our voices, but they were not in the same room as us. We were in person, not over the phone. We won't be talking in person anymore. It just doesn't work.

He said he went to the police on the recommendation of his lawyer, the day after our argument.
If no officer attended your residence, then you have nothing to worry about because by law there is to be a follow up, (IE taking your statement) on all complaints filed whether valid or not.
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Old 01-20-2009, 02:59 PM
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thanks for your replies. I never thought our separation would go down that road. Our agreement has been signed for a few months now. I had the draft done by my lawyer, my ex reviewed it, we made the changes he requested, and my ex took it to his lawyer to sign it. That was it. Maybe he has second thoughts. I am the primary caregiver. He pays child support according to the guidelines. The assets have been divided. There's no spousal support.

How long after the "report" would an officer will come to my house? The kids would definitely be worried if they see a police officer coming to our house.

I hope you are right about the scaring tactic... it works if that's what it is.
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Old 01-20-2009, 04:03 PM
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The police would have followed up with you inside 24 or max 48 hours if there was anything to follow up.
Ignore the scare tactics, you have better things to focus on.

Good luck
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Old 02-06-2009, 12:00 PM
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I agree with most post on here that is is a scare tactic on his part. I have heard of someone filing a complaint and not wanting the police to contact the other person basically just to have it on record. But if he claimed that you hit him there would be an investigation (taking statements and so forth from both parties) as it would be classified as a domestic depute since no one contacted you from the police department then I would not worry about it...but most certainly take the advise of FL_NEEDS_TO CHANGE about documenting everything that happens between you.
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Old 04-06-2009, 01:09 AM
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Ban this spammer!!!!
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Old 04-06-2009, 07:42 AM
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Ban this spammer!!!!
What spammer??
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