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  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 06-12-2008, 08:06 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Kitchener Ontario
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standing on the sidelines is on a distinguished road
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I just assumed that you never went through a controlling partner in a relationship. I cannot understand how, considering what you went through, you could say in your post to "just leave and move on". Anyone who has lived or is living through a controlling relationship can attest that it is not so easy to do. I am sorry for saying that is was "obvious" that you did not go through a relationship like that. On that note can you see where I would get that idea? Anyone who has lived through something like that understands the feelings of dependancy on the controller and how hard it is to break away.

I do apologize to you.
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Old 05-10-2009, 12:04 AM
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fyrephoenix is on a distinguished road
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when I read the first post, i felt like i was reading my own life story, although it has never gotten to the physical danger stage. I had no idea he had alienated me to the point he had until i left, although I too saw warning signs and just figured it was low self esteem on his part and i wasn't doing enough to help him and i was being a poor wife. Why should i go out with friends? I should be home with him all the time....right? Looking back, and reading what people have said here, I did everything wrong. I left my kids there because he never ever in my presence said ANYTHING abusive or manipulated them in anyway. I thought that they would be stable and safe while I got a safe place to live and then proceeded with legal stuff. Now i am in a difficult situation where he has put himself in the position of custodial parent. He still controls me through the children and he somehow knows of my wherabouts at all times. I am constantly looking over my shoulder and second guessing anything I do. I have barely have a social life now becasue I am back to where I was when I was living with him. Even right now, I am crying as I write this because I hate feeling this way and I know I have failed my children (even though they are sleeping in the next room).
I know that women can be just as abusive to men and it is certainly not heard of, I do know of some situations. Society is finding out more and more that the "norm" is not the norm.
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