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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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Old 04-22-2012, 09:27 PM
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Default THANK YOU ! Recording advice is gold !

Thank you to everyone who told me to record, record, record.
Thank you for the advice !

Last edited by May_May; 04-22-2012 at 10:19 PM. Reason: Removed details
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Old 04-22-2012, 09:54 PM
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That IS Progress! I do hope none of the officers will advise your ex that you recorded him. That's great that the cop actually wanted to listen to it.

* Most importantly, be smart and keep safe

Good Luck!

Last edited by hadenough; 04-22-2012 at 10:28 PM.
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Old 04-22-2012, 10:24 PM
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duplicate...

Last edited by May_May; 04-22-2012 at 10:32 PM. Reason: duplicate
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Old 04-23-2012, 10:54 AM
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u have piqued my interest... what did you record, exactly?
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Old 04-23-2012, 11:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wretchedotis View Post
u have piqued my interest... what did you record, exactly?
I must admit my curiousity is piqued as well.
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Old 04-23-2012, 02:23 PM
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me too...
...voice recording?....covert?...
....................:-)
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Old 04-23-2012, 02:49 PM
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Default Urgent advice needed....

My attempt to move back in yesterday did not work. I showed up to pick up one child, and my ex wouldn't let me past the door. He was ranting and carrying on...all the time our 6 year old was there.
I explained I had approval from my lawyer, and the police (who I contacted prior to me showing up) and I didn't want any problems, and that they were OK and I was allowed to move back.
I was pushed out of the way, and I was polite and courteous the entire duration. I backed off and just kept repeating that I didn't want to fight, argue...and then I left with our son. He didn't need to be exposed to anymore.

He had called the police, I saw them outside of our marital house and they never came to see me (as there was nothing illegal with what I did). I then went to the police station (without children knowing/attending) and explained so they could add to the report (and listen to my 'backup')...apparently I contradicted some huge lies and was told next time to bring the police with me and that they were worried about what would happen after they leave. Originally it appeared that they might keep me...I was absolutedly shaking, and crying (in control but I couldn't stop I was so upset)...

SO....

Right now I need advice on what my lawyer should do.
What is the quickest way to getting this divorce/money issue resolved ? Any suggestions ?

a) Should she send a letter today saying that I am moving in, and if he refuses that we are pursuing court to force sale of house (which apparently will take up to 3 months as we need a case conf...all of this is new to me).

or

b) Just send a letter stating that we are pursuing court to force sale of house, and next week I'll be in with police to attain my personal and pre-marital assets
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Old 04-23-2012, 04:55 PM
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I would choose 'B'
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Old 04-23-2012, 06:12 PM
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From what I know about your situation based on your posts here, I would go with b).

Be prepared to follow through though, and not leave them as just "empty words".
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Old 04-24-2012, 10:02 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by May_May View Post
My attempt to move back in yesterday did not work. I showed up to pick up one child, and my ex wouldn't let me past the door. He was ranting and carrying on...all the time our 6 year old was there.
I explained I had approval from my lawyer, and the police (who I contacted prior to me showing up) and I didn't want any problems, and that they were OK and I was allowed to move back.
I wouldn't recommend putting your child in another adult situation like this. The other parent is claiming exclusive possession without anything being in place and you do have a legal right to reside at the matrimonial home.

The challenge is the argument that happened in the presence of the child. Was CAS notified by the police to investigate the matter as a minor child was involved in the incident.

Quote:
Originally Posted by May_May View Post
I was pushed out of the way, and I was polite and courteous the entire duration. I backed off and just kept repeating that I didn't want to fight, argue...and then I left with our son. He didn't need to be exposed to anymore.
Your only opinion at this point is to leave the situation. Now, your child is no longer at the home they primarily reside in. Not sure how "agressive" the other parent is with litigation but, there may be cause if there is no agreement in place for the other parent to make an "emergency" motion before the court.

Make sure you let the other parent know (through your solicitor) where the child is. Also, if there is any agreement on access to the chlid (or if there isn't one) establish it as soon as possible. (through your solicitor)

Quote:
Originally Posted by May_May View Post
He had called the police, I saw them outside of our marital house and they never came to see me (as there was nothing illegal with what I did). I then went to the police station (without children knowing/attending) and explained so they could add to the report (and listen to my 'backup')...
Very good that you didn't bring the child to the police station. It can be very traumatic when police get involved. Your best to keep the police out of the dispute and leverage the appropriate channels in civil proceedings before the family court.

Quote:
Originally Posted by May_May View Post
apparently I contradicted some huge lies and was told next time to bring the police with me and that they were worried about what would happen after they leave. Originally it appeared that they might keep me...I was absolutedly shaking, and crying (in control but I couldn't stop I was so upset)...
You have every right to return with police to retrieve your personal belongings. The police will NOT let you stay there if there is any evidence of conflict between the people living in the home. Furthermore, don't do a "surprise" visit. Set a time and date and when you will be coming. If you do a "surprise" visit it may look like a very common "truism" (tactic) that many negative advocate solicitors deploy and is well known to the court.

Quote:
Originally Posted by May_May View Post
SO....

Right now I need advice on what my lawyer should do.
What is the quickest way to getting this divorce/money issue resolved ? Any suggestions ?

a) Should she send a letter today saying that I am moving in, and if he refuses that we are pursuing court to force sale of house (which apparently will take up to 3 months as we need a case conf...all of this is new to me).

or

b) Just send a letter stating that we are pursuing court to force sale of house, and next week I'll be in with police to attain my personal and pre-marital assets
1. Notify the other parent in writing where the child is located. Full address information and contact information.

2. Offer to settle on an access schedule if one hasn't been agreed to.

3. Request that the other party consider a sale of the matrimonial home or to purchase your interest in the property.

4. Establish residence close to the other parent and your child's school.

5. Don't blame for the incident. If the other party is unrepresented it can be simply a miss understanding of law and what should be done.

6. Don't escalate conflict with threats unless you are willing to go through with it and you have relevant evidence to bring forward to the court. (Pushing someone aside is not as relevant as many "domestic violence" advocates would tell you in Family Law.)

7. Go out and get Justice Brownstone's book "Tug of War" and read it end to end 4 times. Escalating conflict by either party can quickly become a nightmare before the court which is not good for the children involved ever.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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