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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #31 (permalink)  
Old 01-20-2013, 06:32 PM
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By frenchy; "From what your saying its ok to become insane then kill your kids. Then a few years later your ok and your out free lol wow"

No - that was not said/expressed or implied by anyone here. That is your interpretation, and sure: go ahead and post in French :s

You should consult with a therapist who can help you with the anger issues and disappointment you are feeling with life, and society in general.
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  #32 (permalink)  
Old 01-20-2013, 06:53 PM
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* I would welcome the day this happens ** Had ex's lawyer not been a complete ass, and a true professional - things would have been settled much sooner than they were. The recent gong-show that this same solicitor appeared for, and in fact, orchestrated resulted in 7k costs against his client, in just under one hour.
If there is case law that demonstrates this need hadenough... Yours is a prime example where this should have happened.
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  #33 (permalink)  
Old 01-20-2013, 07:00 PM
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By frenchy; "From what your saying its ok to become insane then kill your kids. Then a few years later your ok and your out free lol wow"

No - that was not said/expressed or implied by anyone here. That is your interpretation, and sure: go ahead and post in French :s

You should consult with a therapist who can help you with the anger issues and disappointment you are feeling with life, and society in general.
Frenchy,

You are jumping to conclusions, projecting blame, attempting to leverage your experience and deploying emotional reasoning at a very rapid pace on this message forum.

I can't say with certainty and I am not a clinician but, you may be experiencing an adjustment disorder.

Please consider your mental health and well being in all this and consider hadenoughs thoughtful recommendation you seek theraputic intervention in your matters and personal and emotional challenges you are expressing on this site.

Please, consider this and the recommendations of other senior posters who have already responded to you.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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  #34 (permalink)  
Old 01-20-2013, 07:13 PM
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I do mean it in the most thoughtful way. I witnessed domestic violence when I was a child (as other posters have) and I lived for many years in fear. Fear of reprisal, fear of 'payback,' fear of more violence erupting without notice.

For that reason, and my unfortunate choice of being with my ex, I do speak to a therapist. He is smart, kind and compassionate and I can honestly say he knows me better than anyone else does.

He has offered to testify in person, on my behalf in two legal matters and I know he'd be there for me in a heartbeat, if I needed him in that capacity.

I am fortunate to have met a Doctor like him, and really fortunate that he accepts OHIP!!

A friend of mine has been trying to access counseling services through CAMH and it's been an uphill battle. The wait times are long, and even if/when you do get in to speak with someone, there is usually months in between before the next available appointment. The most people can hope for is that someone cancels an appointment and then one "might" get a subsequent appointment sooner.

Last edited by hadenough; 01-20-2013 at 07:16 PM.
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Old 01-20-2013, 07:21 PM
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A friend of mine has been trying to access counseling services through CAMH and it's been an uphill battle. The wait times are long, and even if/when you do get in to speak with someone, there is usually months in between before the next available appointment. The most people can hope for is that someone cancels an appointment and then one "might" get a subsequent appointment sooner.
This is why a donation to CAMH is a good thing not just for your tax returns but our society as a whole. We need more CAMH facilities in our country for the mental health needs of our society. I encourage everyone to donate to CAMH and to lobby government strongly in any way you can to bring awareness to the need in our country to improve and increase access to mental health services for every resident and citizen of our great nation.
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Old 01-20-2013, 07:30 PM
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FEB 12th is (Bell Cda Sponsored) "Let's Talk Day" re: Mental Health Awareness. There should be more of these ad campaigns that promote awareness and get people involved in "talking" about mental health and the many issues relating to it.

A series of advertisements have already been released and they are well thought out. It would be good to see/hear more of those, on tv and radio spots.

Instead of a "Let's Talk" DAY once a year - how about a Let's Talk Month?

Last edited by hadenough; 01-20-2013 at 07:33 PM.
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  #37 (permalink)  
Old 01-20-2013, 09:59 PM
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Great point, hadenough, really.

My opinion on the tragedy in Stittsville, and it really is to me on so many levels, is this: it may not be gender specific, but the level of anger, pain, suffering, fatigue, sadness, resignation, loss, apathy ... insert your emotion here... in divorce/separation is almost like no other event in our society. What we do to each other, and how we do it, is incredibly short-sighted and destructive to the very fabric of our society, which is of course the family. The concept of family is changing, and if these are growing pains, I really hope the end result is a beautiful butterfly.

So, while mental health is a main concern as many of you good posters have mentioned, I would like to add the need for some very intense relationship training for people as they approach the passages of marriage (in whatever form,I don't care) and having children. With a healthy dose of fear like on that show where the kids visit the prison, and if they don't smarten up that's what's waiting for them. Arabian and I talked about that one time.

Personally, I do agree we need to start with the presumption of equal parenting to reduce conflict in court and beyond. Some arguments to me about: "oh, it's not about equal parenting, it's about this or that", is kind of like the debate about gun control when some say: it's not the guns killing people, it's the crazy people doing the killing. Tragedies like in Stittsville are very complex, and needs to be solved from a multi-faceted approach.

My two cents?

1. Better support, more focus on teaching what works in relationships and the potential if it they don't.
2. Clearer, more child focused, totally neutral in words and in meaning legislation. It needs to think big and better.
3. A mandate to effectively deal with those who create high conflict at tax payers expense and society's detriment.
4. Create and expand initiatives to deal with bullying, this is where I think domestic violence comes from. Again, come from a gender neutral stance, it happens from both genders. DV allegations dealt with more in line with family court so families not ripped apart unnecessarily. Clearly false allegations dealt with swiftly and harshly.
5. Don't know, but as long as the focus is on money and not the children and the parents too to a lesser degree...we're in trouble. Prevention, prevention, prevention.

Ok, what do you think?
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