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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #91 (permalink)  
Old 07-06-2014, 02:00 PM
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Agree, not attacking Links. I think the posters are giving their opinions to try and convince him he is wrong. Well no one here can technically be wrong, its an opinion forum. People share stories and ask for feedback. I guess sometimes the feedback is not always friendly or what the poster had hoped to receive. But then that is life and as adults we are supposed to be equipped to deal the the hard knocks of life.
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  #92 (permalink)  
Old 07-06-2014, 02:09 PM
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Ooops! Connection scrambled my post. See below.
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  #93 (permalink)  
Old 07-06-2014, 02:10 PM
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Objectivity signifies maturity.

Convincing a poster s/he is "wrong" tells me that those are the practices some posters employ in their own legal cases. "Opinions" and how strongly they are expressed here sometimes are indicative of the troubles / hostility some of the posters face with their own exes because of their lack of restraint to impose an opinion that someone is "wrong."

An appropriate delivery of any opinion / view / position is key.
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  #94 (permalink)  
Old 07-06-2014, 02:21 PM
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Agree, Well not everyone comes blessed with tact and diplomacy. Also the anonymous element in a forum gives posters the ability to "shoot from the hip".

Face to face discussions will always render a different result then emails and postings on a forum.

Communication methods are a big issue now. Our society relies on media to communicate. Couples breakup on FB and the. Wonder why!

Gone are the days when you actually had to face someone to communicate with them. Different world, different values and different outcomes.
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  #95 (permalink)  
Old 07-06-2014, 02:37 PM
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Well, if it helps, my situation with X is quite hostile too but not for lack of trying. However, taking it out on others based on my experience would be against my character, anonymous or not. If everyone here was truly trying to work with their exes "in the best interests of their child/ren" (statement far too often projected), wouldn't they be able to demonstrate said capability and willingness by their treatment of others even on a public board?

To the OP, my apologies for sidetracking your post..
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  #96 (permalink)  
Old 07-06-2014, 02:45 PM
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Yes, sorry about the subject change.

But I do not think posters are really taking it out on others, they are really just speaking from their own experience.

I am not divorced or separated, but a mother of a daughter who has found herself in this situation. So maybe my perspective will be different than the posters who has genuine fear of his ex's ability to make the right decisions.

However, that being true I do not think reading into statistics and stating that there is a higher chance of children being at risk with a stepdad is necessarily helping anyone, not even the poster.

We sidetracked because you had suggested he sit down and " interview" the new partner. I do not think that is realistic, but would hope in a perfect world ex's could come to live with each other and move towards good communication, which as you have just stated is a long long road for some.
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  #97 (permalink)  
Old 07-06-2014, 02:54 PM
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An "interview"? No. A meeting over coffee to allow for a judgement call (a judgement call can be on oneself too), to lessen the anxiety of the OP's distrust of his ex. And a reasonable strategy to move on from there.

Your view / opinion in your last post was perfect, objective, and laced with your experience. Its delivery came across as more productive compared to some of the previous posts from other members. That's all I wanted to point out.

This approach would make it a lot easier for posters who are in real panicked situations while they consider family law channels to justify their fears.
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  #98 (permalink)  
Old 07-07-2014, 12:17 AM
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I have no right to tell my ex who or what to do.

If there is a clear and present provable danger then I can file a motion - that is the extent of my involvement in her life.

"A fool learns from their own mistakes and a wise person learns from the mistakes of others" This expression is rooted in researching statistics and other similar things in order to not get caught in the mistakes of others.

All I am saying is taht step fathers are OVER-REPRESENTED in abuse against daughters compared to bio-fathers.

Even if I "feel" my ex's boyfriend is going to molest my child unless I have some clear evidence or something very compelling then I am going to shut my mouth - I am not going to ruin people's lives and relationships because of statistics.

There is no "emotional" reasoning - there is the statistical fact, there is my situation, there are precautions I can take, things I can watch out for and thats it.

I don't have the right to meet my ex's boyfriend to "allay" my unfounded fears of her boyfriend

And on another note, I married my ex mostly for sex I didn't realize/know about child/spousal support and all this other garbage otherwise I would have never gone this for with the tramp. All this "At one point, you trusted her BS" is BS. Just because I married you doesn't mean I thought you were smart enough to manage your own affairs. There are some people that are stupid and some that aren't. Being intelligent isn't always the reason to marry soembody
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  #99 (permalink)  
Old 07-07-2014, 12:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
I have no right to tell my ex who or what to do.
Correct.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
If there is a clear and present provable danger then I can file a motion - that is the extent of my involvement in her life.
You're both co-parents. Think about your statement here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
There is no "emotional" reasoning - there is the statistical fact, there is my situation, there are precautions I can take, things I can watch out for and thats it.
Yes, but as a "good parent" you would be vigilant about any changed behaviours in your kids, not just potential abuse.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
I don't have the right to meet my ex's boyfriend to "allay" my unfounded fears of her boyfriend
No, you don't have the "right" per se.. It would be something you would consider for your child/ren. A way to move forward. It can also go a long way about your character as a parent, for the better, if you're ever in court again.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
And on another note, I married my ex mostly for sex I didn't realize/know about child/spousal support and all this other garbage otherwise I would have never gone this for with the tramp. All this "At one point, you trusted her BS" is BS. Just because I married you doesn't mean I thought you were smart enough to manage your own affairs. There are some people that are stupid and some that aren't. Being intelligent isn't always the reason to marry soembody
This wasn't necessary. You've opened yourself up to an onslaught of "opinions" about what a jerk this makes you look like.
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  #100 (permalink)  
Old 07-07-2014, 12:42 AM
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Oh I thinks he wants a fight, thats why he says what he says and that is why he is divorced. I think he is rather funny, always good entertainment. Lol:
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