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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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Old 04-29-2010, 07:45 PM
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Default Stalking/harrasment question

I'm in the following situation:
I found out that my wife has been cheeting on me for half of year, with her ex-boyfriend from Montreal. She gave up that relationship, and we are trying to reconcile, but being a vindictive fellow, I would like to contact his wife, and let her know everything about it.
I had all the contact information initially, and I did call his house to let her know. He suspected it's me, so he kept picking up the phone to prevent me from talking to her. I called for three days in a row, probabily around 10 times a day, but I kept either getting him, or his fax machine. In the end, on the third day, I finally got their answering machine, so I left a message stating who I am, what it's about and my contact information. I got a message from him accusing me of harrasment, and telling me he logged a complaint with the Montreal police. I don't really believe he did that, because he als wrote a message to my wife, asking her to make me stop. Also, this whole thing happend in March, and I did not get any call from any police about anything yet. Anyway, since I was trying to work things out with my wife, I stopped. But in the meantime, I got my wife to agreeing I should do whatever I feel like about this guy if I feel it helps me psychologicly, so I'm back to where I started. Sort of. He changed his phone, of course, so I don't have his number anymore.
My question: can there be anything legaly wrong for me to get over to his residence and ring his bell when he's not home ? He's at work in the morning, and his wife does not work, so I can easily do that, but can this be considered harrasment in any way ?
Thank you,
R.
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Old 04-29-2010, 07:53 PM
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This is a criminal law question, not a family law question. You need to consult a criminal attorney.
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Old 04-29-2010, 08:08 PM
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leave the guy alone. It takes two to tango and your wife was doing the dance with him. If he has asked you to stop and you continue to call or come over to his house it is harrassment. Focus on working on your marriage and the reasons your wife cheated in the first place. Stop wasting the time and energy to get back at the guy. If he changed his phone number it was to stop your harrassment. The police will log each complaint he makes and eventually they will have enough evidence to show you are harrassing him and his wife.
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Old 04-29-2010, 08:18 PM
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^I agree. Honestly, it sounds kinda creepy what you are doing, despite the fact you have good reason to be angry.

Showing up at his house could start something nasty. What if a confrontation between you two took place? You don't know him, he might even attack you. You are putting yourself at risk, you are "looking for trouble". How will that help you?

That being said, if you do insist on pursuing this, why don't you try to write a letter and mail it to her? Or is there any way that you can get her email? Facebook?
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Old 04-29-2010, 08:28 PM
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It is a criminal law question, yes. I most likely will end up asking a criminal lawyer. But I see people on this board seem to have knowledge in this area too, so I posted it here as well. I hope it's no bother.

I certanly do not inted to leave him alone. Yes, it does take two to tango, and now I'm working their tango with my wife, let him work on his tango with his wife.
The way I read the harrasment part of the law, it should only be harrasment if it gives him a reason to fear for his safety. I did not make any threats, and do not intend to. Also, generally speaking, I'm trying to avoid him, so how can I be harrasing someone if I'm avoiding them ?
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Old 04-29-2010, 08:36 PM
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It is creepy, isn't it ? But I find myself doing things these days I never imagined I would. But then again, I never imagined myself in the cheated husband situation either.
I did try all these things. She does not seem to have a digital footprint. And I do not have her email.
I would only show up at his house if I'm sure he is not there.
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Old 04-29-2010, 08:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by raghache View Post
It is creepy, isn't it ? But I find myself doing things these days I never imagined I would. But then again, I never imagined myself in the cheated husband situation either.
I did try all these things. She does not seem to have a digital footprint. And I do not have her email.
I would only show up at his house if I'm sure he is not there.
Sometimes I feel like I am going crazy too.

Paying a lawyer kinda sounds like a waste, you could probably find the information online if you search long enough.

I wouldn't be in such a rush to tell his wife. Lay low for a few months, a year, so he thinks he is safe and you have given up.

That's when you catch him off guard.

You have to be certain that he isn't home. If you get caught, you could be setting yourself up for a restraining order - or, "Peace Bond" rather, since he has clearly indicated for you to leave him alone. Just my opinion though, I am not sure exactly what the law states but I have been doing similar research.
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Old 04-29-2010, 09:10 PM
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Wow...I can't believe anyone is encouraging this and offering tips even.

My advice, seek some counselling to help deal with the issues you're experiencing and with your wife. If your relationship with you rwife is so important to you then focus on that and direct your energy there.

This kind of stalking and intimidation behaviour is beyond creepy, it's disturbing and if it continues will no doubt lead to more serious consequences than a restraining order.

It's normal to have strong feelings but you've no right to inflict them on others this way. What do you have against this innocent woman that you need to cause her this kind of distress??
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Old 04-29-2010, 09:36 PM
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Forget it dude. You are harassing him, if not criminally, then emotionally. Don't you realize the trouble you will stir up with his wife, or kids???

His wife doesn't need the cavalry to come riding over the range and disclose this to her. Any Dear Abby, Dan Savage, Ellie or other advice columnist will tell you the same thing. She either already knows that he screws around on her or she doesn't need your ass screwing things up for her and her family.

Let it go and work on your own relationship. If you're doing this to the other guy, and his family, I can only imagine the shit you're laying, rightly or wrongly, on your own wife:

"So, what was it like?"
"Is he better than me?"
"Did you love him?"
"How could you?"
"I don't know if I could ever trust you again"
"So, did you like it?"

etc. etc. etc.
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Old 04-29-2010, 09:36 PM
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You are trying to reconcile with your wife and at the same time trying to break his marriage.Its not nice.Why would you even waste your time to go to his house.
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