Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 11-29-2012, 10:12 AM
Tayken's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 6,486
Tayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant future
Default Social Media - "Personal" and "Private" Information

Hi All,

Often, people go to court with very strong and unsubstantiated allegations of "stalking", "cyber stalking" and other subjective statements against the other parent.

I am always recommend, as do a number of (over 300 by my tracking) law firms in North America, that parents in separation and divorce not disclose personal information on the public internet that they wouldn't want the other parent to know and especially a judge.

Recently in the Metro News an article appeared which, although not related to "family law" did contain a very strong statement from Const. Dennis Rivest of the London Police Force that I think is relevant:

Quote:
However, he warns residents of the general dangers of owning an on-line profile with personal information readily available to anyone.

“People will set up their profiles, put a lot of information in it, and some of that information doesn’t necessarily need to be out there,” Rivest said. “If you choose to put it there, you choose to put it there — that’s your choice."
Man charged by London police for impersonating cop on dating website | Metro

I also remind everyone who has matters before the public court system that it is a public system. When two parents fail to settle their matters in a private setting between themselves, mediation or through arbitration, your public Tweets, Facebook comments, SMS messages, emails and other social media use may become evidence in court.

Furthermore, just because you make your profile private to the 150+ friends you have or the 6000 twitter followers you have doesn't make it "private" to the courts.

So, if you want to live a "private" life filing an Application to the public court system may not be your best avenue for dispute resolution... If you are willing to share your private life with the internet... As Const. Dennis Rivest states... “... you choose to put it there — that’s your choice."

Don't go lamenting to the court that you gave up your whole theory of the case on Facebook and it gets submitted as evidence and trying to claim that the other parent is "cyber stalking" you. "... you choose to put it there - that's your choice."

I am reading a lot of case law on the allegations of "stalking" and "cyber stalking" as of late. The courts are not buying the allegation and are making similar statements as Const. Dennis Rivest to litigants attempting to paint the other parent as a "stalker" and/or "cyber stalker" for knowing truthful facts that the lamenting party posted on a public forum.

Good Luck!
Tayken

Last edited by Tayken; 11-29-2012 at 10:27 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 11-29-2012, 10:59 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,702
DowntroddenDad will become famous soon enough
Default

As an IT person with some background in privacy, I would second that suggestion to be very careful what you post.

Social media should be treated like an open bulletin board that anyone can read. I made a mistake and responded to a very negative post on my daughters FB wall by my ex's step father and as a result my daughter blocked me from her wall. We've mended since but that could have worked out badly.
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 11-29-2012, 11:48 AM
Tayken's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 6,486
Tayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant future
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by DowntroddenDad View Post
As an IT person with some background in privacy, I would second that suggestion to be very careful what you post.

Social media should be treated like an open bulletin board that anyone can read. I made a mistake and responded to a very negative post on my daughters FB wall by my ex's step father and as a result my daughter blocked me from her wall. We've mended since but that could have worked out badly.
And the public display of your family's conflict could have (or did become?) front and centre of a legal dispute before the court. The bad behaviours of parents are, with lightning speed, exposed on public social media sites every day.

For example, planning to lock out the other parent from the matrimonial home or remove children and make allegations of abuse?

(Simple example)
Parent A: Ugh, I am so annoyed at parent B. What a day. Constant arguments.

Friend A: That is verbal abuse! You should take the children and go to a shelter and have Parent B arrested.

Parent A: Ya. He is such an asshole.

Friend A: I'll write an affidavit stating that he is awful and that I don't even feel safe letting my kids be around him.
-- Try to explain that thread of stupidity to a judge hearing a matter after you have followed through on the "bad advice" and submitted an affirmation to the truth that you didn't pre-meditate the whole situation... Not going to put you in the best light before the court and could have serious impact on your custody and access to the children in question.

The person who recommended this to you on public social media's "bad advice" and your following through on it becomes incredibly compelling evidence against you. Furthermore, the person in question who dished out the bad advice can be ordered to testify at court.

Canadians are reminded that we don't have "the fifth" and if you are ordered to court and asked a question you are expected to answer it.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to type "divorce facebook" into Google and get some good advice on how *not* to conduct yourself on social medial.

Facebook causing a third of all divorces: Survey - Tech - IBNLive

Quote:
Incriminating status updates, suspicious check-ins at restaurants and inappropriate photographs being posted online were all increasingly being used as evidence in divorces.

"People need to be careful what they write on their walls as the courts are seeing these posts being used in financial disputes and children cases as evidence," Keenan said.

According to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, 80 per cent of US divorce attorneys said the number of cases using the social network had increased.
Facebook named in a third of divorce filings in 2011 Â* - New York Daily News

Quote:
The social network was implicated in a third of all divorce filings last year, according to Divorce-Online, a survey by a British legal service.
I am not going to post all the links that come up from Google... But, there is more than enough "good advice" out there that slandering the other parent on social media, exposing your personal "beliefs" and other conduct is not a good idea.

Good Luck!
Tayken

Last edited by Tayken; 11-29-2012 at 11:51 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 11-29-2012, 12:00 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,702
DowntroddenDad will become famous soon enough
Default

Other than the one slip, which was responding to a direct personal attack(still a bad idea), I've been very careful.

For FB, I never ever write anything I would be unwilling to share with my ex. Because my kids might see it, and might share, so best to assume she will see it, even if that isn't the case.

I did share about that personal attack with my ex on the phone, she responded that she hadn't made it so it wasn't her problem. I sent both her and the ex's step father a cool calm private email about the perils of attempting to alienate a child's affection for her father and how it was in no one's best interest. The matter was dropped.

I do believe it is in the child's best interest to never hear a discouraging word. I may have slipped, I know my ex slips often, but that is no excuse.
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 11-29-2012, 12:07 PM
Tayken's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 6,486
Tayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant future
Default

Also something for parents who are not separate and divorced to consider regarding information they post about their children.

Although it may be cute and fun today to post personal information about your children online for everyone to see the internet is persistent. That cute photo you shared on Flickr about your child, the tweet you made, the facebook posting, and anything else you post publicly could be picked up by a media outlet and used. The content may persist well into your children's lives and well into their adult lives.

I don't think parents today are seriously considering this as the evolution of the internet is still happening. In 10, 15 or 20 years times will your child appreciate your postings or will they want them taken down.

Parents are supposed to protect their children, love and nurture them. I am concerned that "blogging parents" (mommy bloggers / daddy bloggers) are more concerned about how they "feel" than what the child may feel in the future.

That really great article you wrote about the "glitter jar" you wrote today and the photos of your child holding it crying may seem like a good idea. But, when the child is in high school, they may not appreciate you sharing your discipline methods and their personal images with the entire internet to see. Especially the photos of them holding the jar filled with glitter and them holding it crying and having a tantrum.

You may get a pile of people telling you how great that idea is... But, why you had to put your child in the article and their likeness may not play out well for you as a parent in the future.

Good Luck!
Tayken
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 11-29-2012, 01:45 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 669
Nadia is on a distinguished road
Default

At the risk of sounding like someone who keeps say, "wait till hear what my ex did," and I apologise if I am beginning to sound like that.

My ex put up three separate blogs accessible by simply googling the childrens names. Not facebook but a open public site. He referred to their real names and also posted their photos. In the blog he made some very inflammatory remarks regarding how the mother refuses to respect his religion and his faith. How the mother had refused to follow through his interpertation of the religion as far bringing up the children were concerned. We are of the same faith, but we interpret it differently. A lot of personal information was shared.

When I came across the blogs I contacted him asking him to remove them and also contacted the site manager/coordinator. The blogs remain despite my requests. My concern is that the kids will google their names and so will their friends. Only to find one parent slagging off the other.
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 11-29-2012, 02:11 PM
Tayken's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 6,486
Tayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant future
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nadia View Post
At the risk of sounding like someone who keeps say, "wait till hear what my ex did," and I apologise if I am beginning to sound like that.

My ex put up three separate blogs accessible by simply googling the childrens names. Not facebook but a open public site. He referred to their real names and also posted their photos. In the blog he made some very inflammatory remarks regarding how the mother refuses to respect his religion and his faith. How the mother had refused to follow through his interpertation of the religion as far bringing up the children were concerned. We are of the same faith, but we interpret it differently. A lot of personal information was shared.

When I came across the blogs I contacted him asking him to remove them and also contacted the site manager/coordinator. The blogs remain despite my requests. My concern is that the kids will google their names and so will their friends. Only to find one parent slagging off the other.
Nadia,

Hopefully you have printed out and retained the cogent and relevant evidence of these sites. They are admissible as evidence and you can request that the court order that they be removed. Especially if they contain information that is derogatory and inflammatory. Most importantly if they expose and demonstrate that the children are exposed to a risk of harm from the content.

As the other party has a lawyer, my recommendation would be to alert the lawyer representing the party to the content, print it out and attach it as a schedule and highlight the very concerning comments as quotes and reference them directly to the attached schedule. Also, mark the letter as "with prejudice" to let the lawyer know that the content will be used at court.

If you get back an "excuse" that the other party is not the owner/author then you can request their consent to contact the site operator to have the materials removed. Another alternative would be to request that the solicitor work with you on a joint application (under a Norwitch Order) to obtain through the courts the identity of the original poster of the content so that you and the other parent can proceed to bring forward a lawsuit to have the information regarding your children removed off the public internet.

No doubt that the first excuse that you will get is that their client is not the author of the content. When they do you follow up with a request for a joint application under a Norwitch order. Basically, if they don't consent to the action it pretty much is stating that it is their client and they don't want to expose the identity and reality of the situation.

Good Luck!
Tayken

Last edited by Tayken; 11-29-2012 at 02:15 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 11-29-2012, 02:25 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 669
Nadia is on a distinguished road
Default

He signed each blog with his real name, so there is no denying who wrote it. What is even more disturbing is the comments from other fellow religious people who express sympathy for his plight and pray that the mother will (for the sake of the children) change her ways and see the light so to speak.

I will look into what you have suggested. Thanks Tayken.
Reply With Quote
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 11-29-2012, 02:37 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,769
dad2bandm is on a distinguished road
Default

And for those that think "well, I have my Facebook/social site locked down...only my close friends can see what I have to say"...that is dumb thinking...think again. :-)

My ex gained access to *my* Facebook postings, even though I had it secured, and had her blocked. She and a friend, simply accessed a "friends" account instead (who was lax in their particular security), and were able to view me that way (as a "friend"). Negative comments started appearing on my FB page as well. I knew my friend was not the source of these. We quickly discovered who knew her password, and was "impersonating" her.

The ex didn't find anything because I don't post things about child/custody/parent stuff on my Facebook page obviously, but it didn't stop her from trying to "dig up" dirt - in her eyes I guess.
Reply With Quote
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 11-29-2012, 02:39 PM
Tayken's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 6,486
Tayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant future
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nadia View Post
He signed each blog with his real name, so there is no denying who wrote it. What is even more disturbing is the comments from other fellow religious people who express sympathy for his plight and pray that the mother will (for the sake of the children) change her ways and see the light so to speak.

I will look into what you have suggested. Thanks Tayken.
If you need a sample letter I can craft one up and post it here.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:19 AM.