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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 12-12-2011, 04:53 PM
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walshch is on a distinguished road

It would be best to move out of the house, as others have said, but if that's not possible, get a digital voice recorder, and record every interaction with your Ex. It will save your butt against false domestic assault allegations.
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  #12 (permalink)  
Old 12-12-2011, 11:10 PM
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Location: Kingston, ON
Posts: 968
ddol1 is on a distinguished road

The recorder has been in my pocket forever it seams like now - my pocket has one of those wallet sorry recorder dents in them! Serious I thank Mess for his insight to what a married for 24 years ex could stoop down to and he predicted every single step she would do for the following two months. It sort of freaked me out. Now that is history I know he saved me thousands and as he put it she was following a predictable pattern. Part of his bringing me to into this new world back then was to always have the recorder with me at all times and I got one of the ones which I can set to a one button record or voice activated which is neat because you can set it and forget about it.... oh and it is easy to transfer to the computer.
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Old 12-13-2011, 03:23 PM
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Hi ddol...can I also give a suggestion for you, or anybody else reading this. The government, and local companies/individuals contribute to an organization I volunteered at called the Krasnan centre. They offer a service with what is called a 'warm line'. It is NOT a crisis line. But if u are ever lonely and just want to talk to somebody they are there. I do not know where u live, but they have a 1-877/800 toll free number that you can call. I am sure there are warm lines in the major cities but I don't have experience with them. Anyways...just wanted to pass it along in case you ever just wanted to talk to someone about general chit chat which can sometimes take our minds temporarily off of the problem, and reduce stress. Good luck...
A Place To Be Label Free: warm line
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Old 12-13-2011, 11:50 PM
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ddol1 is on a distinguished road

Thank you May-May. I have saved the link and I will keep it and make use of it when I need it. For anyone who is going thru this and really is alone the feeling of loss can be overwhelming.

It is a shame that I have two sisters who for thier own reasons will or better can't be there emotionally for me, nor offer any support, even lend an ear. A shame because for me this has always been the essence of family and friends, even just people you meet in life, your nieghbours. To be there in good times and bad, joyous and hard. I was frank with my older sister who has gone thru this herself although many years ago, married only 3 or 4, with no children but I would imagine the emotions run the same regardless.

Early in the year, her last comment to me was, "I can't accept negative in my life so if I didn't have anything wonderful to say to not say anything at all. I explained to her that at this point there is no fantasy wonderful anything. I am in the thick of "things" at this point which is consuming me. I reached out to you, (my sister), not for platitudes that she got daily from an internet self motivation/improvement series she paid to have a daily email sent to her......... to me those are empty words that are universal not a replacement for understanding, real life support that to me defines family. I realize that she is unable to cope but then this has been her life. She never learned to understand closeness, dependability, security of knowing that no matter what you are there for someone.

Long ago, I discovered that this has been my family all along and to such a large extent has been the cause of its division and seperation, so I was not that overly disappionted - but it also wasn't what I desperatly needed then and now - so I move forward and I feel like it is yet another loss which makes what goes on here all the harder.

When I called the police on Sunday, the person I ended up speaking with was in dispatch and as we spoke she thought this may be of help for a person like me who is isolated and as a volunteer run entity they will be there when I find things are building/getting out of control. Instead of a crisis type line where it is over the phone, this is a face to face thing where we could meet "at the local coffee shop". A person to help anyway they can - often a one on one friendship is built so that you actually see/talk to the same volunteer.

Here in Kingston it is called Friendship Homes 613-544-4229

But this is now not all a totally negative, down post...... I am very happy, pleased, and thankful to my eldest! SHe was cleaning out her car, cleaning cars is one of the hardest activities for me..... so I went out, waited for her to stick her head out, I Smiled and said Please And Pretty Please!!!! And she vacuumed the froont half of the car out. (first since getting it in March....... she did a good job too!! And through all of this she is also the only person who has actually exchanged feelings regarding all of this - and she was the same person who saved me during the hardest years............ this is the happest moment in forever!!)

So there is a ray of hope shinning in all this darkness and today I will take it with open arms - Thank you S!
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