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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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Old 10-21-2009, 11:42 AM
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Default separation agreement, need help ASAP!

I want to include something that requires my STBX finish or "graduates" from his anger management program and attends a parenting course or group. Of course I would also include that I will also attend a parenting group, and that I will be getting into a support group for battered and abused women.

However, I have seen the results of his anger management program already: he is able to control his anger, but he is still using control tactics. Obviously being able to control his anger only makes things worse, as it looks like I am overreacting because he is so calm when he is trying to control me.

Does anyone know of any programs available that are specific to recovery for the batterers and if they are available in the GTA? Could I actually request that he attend and complete one of these programs?

Advice?
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Old 10-21-2009, 12:45 PM
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this is what I've started with:

Due to the past history of domestic violence and abuse in this marriage, and admission of Party 1 to being abusive to Party 2, each party will be required to attend some form of counseling or support program. Party 1 has commenced an anger management program, and commits to finishing this course and providing documentation of it’s completion to Party 2. If not specifically addressed, Party1 must also seek and complete some counselling specific to spousal abusers and controlling behaviour and provide documentation of completing this objective. Party 2 commits to attending a support group for domestic abuse survivors and completing any requirements for that program.

Both parties agree that their daughter has been negatively effected by the violence and anger in their home and agree to obtain whatever counselling and support they think is necessary or is recommended for her. Neither parent will interfere with this counselling and both commit to encouraging her with their support.>>
How does that sound? Do you think he will agree?

Now I just need something to state what will happen if these terms are not met or breached.....
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Old 10-21-2009, 02:06 PM
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I would maybe omit the "Due to the admission of violence..." part.

Just say both parties must attend counselling.

Same idea about the bit about your daughter being negatively affected.

Essentially, when I read what you have written, it appears to me that you are assigning blame to your ex. This may very well be the case, but I suspect its not a good way to get him to agree to sign it. Try using less language as to the 'reason' behind why you are where you are now, and concentrate more on 'actions' you are expecting from both of yourselves.
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Old 10-21-2009, 02:23 PM
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THanks, it wasn't my intent to lay blame on him, maybe just to highlight the fact that he has made progress in admitting his failures.
I will remove it.
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