Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #11 (permalink)  
Old 12-14-2015, 11:14 PM
LovingFather32's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 4,518
LovingFather32 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Yes it sounds to me like he wants more of a relationship with his kids.

He made a move to be closer to them (Nothing wrong)
He wants to see them learning how to swim. (Nothing wrong)
He wants to see them each day even if for a few minutes (Nothing wrong..IMO)
He wants a week with his kids. (Nothing wrong)

Quote:
It doesnt bother me that he wants to ve involved, i am finding it bothersome to find out after the fact.
Perhaps he's afraid to be told no to parenting time with his kids, (like he was with the week he requested).

I agree with SOTS .. looks like he may be seeking 50/50 soon.

A lot of father's take off, party, enjoy a kidless life..... then there's us, the one's who fight day and night to see our kids .. We're not in the bar ... we're here on odf spending countless hours trying to figure out how to see our kids more in this twisted system...wondering how the hell it's ever came to begging to see our own children.

Like Blink, I agree the covert stuff could be perceived as creepy I suppose ... but the guy wants to see his kids more and is trying to find ways how. Dont make him try to find ways by doing things like denying him a week with them, or being stressed about him watching them learn how to swim. Adhere to the maximum contact principle and help facilitate ways for him to see them more.

My $0.02
Reply With Quote
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 12-15-2015, 12:53 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,349
Beachnana is on a distinguished road
Default

Not knowing all your details it would be hard to make a judgement whether or not this is creepy or you should be concerned for safety.

But that being said is it at all possible you could approach him and ask him what his intentions are.

If he wants 50/50 and therefore offset CS etc, and you are heading to court for a final order would it not be in the interests of the children to make an offer.

Joint custody, week on and week of parenting. Holiday sharing, offset CS and proportionate Section 7. A clause about school district and mobility.

Lots of posts on here which would guide you to the optimum clauses to include. Why go through court. You said you have an interim order so I would assume you are headed to court and having someone else make all the decisions. Would you rather bot be in control of your own childrens life.

Taking a positive proactive approach puts you in control not some" old " judge! And likely save heartache and money!

My 4 cents worth!
Reply With Quote
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 12-15-2015, 01:05 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 3,008
rockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

Im with everyone else who says talk to him. Yes its creepy hes showing up but he wants to see his kids. He moved closer. If its in their best interests you should work together. He could be using it as a way to reduce cs but guess what, your kids get to spend more time with their dad!

Approach it as "the kids tell me youve been walking them to and from school and going to their swimming lessons. Are you looking to spend more time with them? Perhaps we can work on a schedule where the kids get to spend time with you and its equal time for both of us?" And then see what he says.
Reply With Quote
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 12-15-2015, 01:53 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,838
stripes is on a distinguished road
Default

The behaviour you describe strikes me as weird (picking up the kids from school and taking pictures of your house without telling you), but not illegal (he isn't barred from seeing the kids, and he's not interfering with you if he's outside your house). Whether it's creepy or not depends a lot on the personality of the ex. Does he have poor social skills, such that he lacks the courage or the ability to talk to you about wanting to see more of the kids? Or is he more the type that does borderline-stalkerish things to get at you?

I like the suggestion of being proactive and sending him a note saying "hey, I hear you've been coming to the kids' swimming events and walking them to school. If you'd like to spend more time with the kids, let's work out a schedule where you get more one on one time with them".

The "no kids, no money" emails are nonsense and should be ignored.
Reply With Quote
  #15 (permalink)  
Old 12-15-2015, 03:18 PM
arabian's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 9,962
arabian will become famous soon enough
Default

I believe at one time the poster moved to Alberta he kicked up quite a big fuss (involvement of the RCMP).

This "relationship" seems to have some unusual dynamics.
Reply With Quote
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 12-19-2015, 03:33 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: ontario
Posts: 421
ringettteplayer is on a distinguished road
Default

Yes thanks Arabian, the threatening of the rc's still continues, im just documenting n observing. I believe our children should be involved with him however i am hoping im wrong in my thinking that he is here for a cs agenda and will build tye children up and then let them down again as he takes off again to who knows where. all i can do at this point is support our children and be their rock i guess.
i just can't dismiss the feeling in my stomach that the other shoe is about to drop not w/cs but with the relationship w/their dad.
i guess i just deal with stuff as the time comes, if it comes!!
Reply With Quote
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 01-07-2016, 01:32 PM
plainNamedDad44's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 818
plainNamedDad44 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
He is required to inform you if he is going to be somewhere?
Link17... thanks so much for poignantly making your point with your line of questioning.

The father wants more time with the kids. He was wrong to threaten to cut off CS, wrong and idiotic to place it in writing.

Other then that I have been through the ringer with my STBX exploiting the "safety" concern.

OP... barring a restraining order and more generally anything violating the rule of law, we live in a free country. Let the man watch his kids swim... for God sake.
Reply With Quote
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 01-07-2016, 02:04 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: ontario
Posts: 421
ringettteplayer is on a distinguished road
Default

Hi thanks for your reply!

The trouble I find with posting is "our coles notes" version (for those that are old enough to know coles notes lol)

If ex wants to watch or attend swimming lessons and pick kids up from school etc great! I have no ill will against a parent squeezing in time with their kids,
I think my concern is that I know theirs a motive to this, not a healthy motive something else that's where my concern is.


However as I stated before I will deal with whatever it is when the time comes.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Need advice over motion to change access in final order due to safety concerns smileandwalkaway Divorce & Family Law 36 08-16-2013 07:59 AM
CP refuses to use proper safety seats. CycleDad Parenting Issues 22 02-14-2011 03:21 PM
concerns about the safety of your child(ren) tugofwar Parenting Issues 11 02-02-2010 10:42 AM
Internet/Phone Access: Concerns PundaSmith Divorce & Family Law 4 10-29-2009 04:03 PM
Serious concerns with ex's lack of care of son independentgal Parenting Issues 1 01-11-2007 07:00 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:13 AM.