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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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Old 05-27-2009, 07:17 PM
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Default Question on domestic violence

I'm being accused of being verbally/emotionally & physically abusive towards my ex & son. In my opinion, my ex & I would arugue, at times it would get very loud & offensive, but in terms of 'abuse', that can be very subjective. I'm not sure where she's getting the physical from, as that is not subjective and I wouldn't get to that point.

The police were never called, no reports were ever filed, no hospital reports, no 'women's shelter' ever called in, etc. It's simply an allegation that is being made against me.

What proof does my ex have to provide to substantiate this claim or can it suffice that she says it occurred?

thank you for your insight.
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Old 05-27-2009, 08:06 PM
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verbal abuse and emotional abuse is much more difficult to prove then the physical abuse. That being said, did anyone every hear you yell etc at your wife?
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Old 05-27-2009, 08:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by boyo View Post
I'm being accused of being verbally/emotionally & physically abusive towards my ex & son. In my opinion, my ex & I would arugue, at times it would get very loud & offensive, but in terms of 'abuse', that can be very subjective. I'm not sure where she's getting the physical from, as that is not subjective and I wouldn't get to that point.

The police were never called, no reports were ever filed, no hospital reports, no 'women's shelter' ever called in, etc. It's simply an allegation that is being made against me.

What proof does my ex have to provide to substantiate this claim or can it suffice that she says it occurred?

thank you for your insight.
Welcome to the the relms of Family Law where allegations and perjury often runs rampant. Sadly, some use this strategy to gain final custody of a child.

Refute the allegations if untrue and focus on the child's present and future best interest concerning custody and access.

Rather than get angry, Smile at the other parent. They will wonder what on earth your smiling about.

lv
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Old 05-27-2009, 11:43 PM
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Quote:
Welcome to the the relms of Family Law where allegations and perjury often runs rampant. Sadly, some use this strategy to gain final custody of a child.
I was just going to say that myself. Yes, welcome to Family JUSTICE sytem!

Quote:
Refute the allegations if untrue and focus on the child's present and future best interest concerning custody and access.
Agree. I normally use one line or paragraph to deny all her allegations. Its not worth my time to respond to every lie one by one.

Quote:
Rather than get angry, Smile at the other parent. They will wonder what on earth your smiling about.
Totally agree. I have successfully ignored my ex's allegations strategy. It makes her very angry when she sees me smiling. Her lies have been exposed and the truth is just starting to surface that it was she who was being abusive.
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Old 05-28-2009, 07:17 PM
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thank you.
I had a meeting w/ my lawyer today. I brought him some emails I found at work that show how much my ex loved me, even up to 3-4 days before we split. She split from me. She would say things like, "can't wait to see you, love you loads, etc". I also gave him emails of the new job she was about to start here, that she was gonna help me fix up the house a bit, etc just to point out that she had full intention to return here. I could easily think of instances where she 'abused' me, was not careful w/ the kids, but I didn't want to mention those, as I don't want to turn this into a tit for tat.

Yes, people have heard us/seen us argue, like her family & my family. But her family has a vested interest in her much like mine would have one in me (I hope... lol).

So essentially, verbal/emotional is very hard to prove and the burden of proof would be on her. But you're saying something very perplexing here. you say that the ex can lie and potentially get away w/ it. Where's the rationale in that? This doesn't seem like a very fair way of deciding issues that can impact someone for the rest of their lives.

My lawyer said that they're trying to turn this into a jurisdictional issue, by trying to move the case conf. to quebec, rather than here. Lawyer said that the Hague even recognizes that case must be heard here as ontario was the place of residence for the family.
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Old 05-29-2009, 12:49 AM
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My husband really psychically abused me. That was not only arguing. He punish me that I don't deserve to drive our car, or took all my bank cards (all was from our joint accounts, I didn't have spare account) and took all my paycheques, didn't want that friend of mine with her husband come to our house (because I am bad person and don\t deserve to have a friends!!??). I didn’t\t arguing with him, because I was scared, he is very aggressive person. How I can prove that he did all this bad thinks? That will be my word against his word.
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Old 05-29-2009, 06:31 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by boyo View Post
thank you.
I had a meeting w/ my lawyer today. I brought him some emails I found at work that show how much my ex loved me, even up to 3-4 days before we split. She split from me. She would say things like, "can't wait to see you, love you loads, etc". I also gave him emails of the new job she was about to start here, that she was gonna help me fix up the house a bit, etc just to point out that she had full intention to return here. I could easily think of instances where she 'abused' me, was not careful w/ the kids, but I didn't want to mention those, as I don't want to turn this into a tit for tat.

Yes, people have heard us/seen us argue, like her family & my family. But her family has a vested interest in her much like mine would have one in me (I hope... lol).

So essentially, verbal/emotional is very hard to prove and the burden of proof would be on her. But you're saying something very perplexing here. you say that the ex can lie and potentially get away w/ it. Where's the rationale in that? This doesn't seem like a very fair way of deciding issues that can impact someone for the rest of their lives.

My lawyer said that they're trying to turn this into a jurisdictional issue, by trying to move the case conf. to quebec, rather than here. Lawyer said that the Hague even recognizes that case must be heard here as ontario was the place of residence for the family.
I hate to say it but sometimes saying or writing I love you and stuff like that becomes more of a habit then words based on feelings.

Everyone can lie and potentionally get away with it. It all comes down to who is more believable. That is why it is always better to have hard evidence like witnesses, police reports etc.
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Old 05-29-2009, 05:03 PM
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thanks.
well that's why i gave my lawyer emails of her statements. i realize that people just say things out of habit, but she's making statements w/out hard evidence. she's saying that she's been abused. but where's the proof. her family is biased; so that shouldn't really count.

she would need harder evidence than that, i would think?
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