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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 03-24-2013, 07:58 PM
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Caranna let him "spin" whatever he wants: right around your middle finger!
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Old 03-24-2013, 08:00 PM
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Thanks frustrated and hadenough. I have had very disturbing flashbacks for quite awhile, and a myriad of other physical and emotional symptoms that indicate PTSD. I have thought of Yoga, have never really tried it.

I'm also really into healthful living, like eating right, which helps a lot in managing my symptoms. The thing is though these symptoms can subside for a little while and then come back in huge waves.

This is a message for those who are being abused and Hiding It:

Don't wait any longer. Recognize the abuse for what it is. Don't be blinded as I was. Report it, get it out and keep telling people. Shout it from the rooftops if you feel safe to do so...that abuse is never, ever to be tolerated! Never! Sound like a broken record!

If you don't feel safe, of course you need to protect yourself and any children you might have. You need to let the police know, especially if you are being physically abused and/or threatened. Call the shelter if you need to. Let your family and friends know...the ones you can trust.
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Old 03-24-2013, 08:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hadenough View Post
There's no marks on my face and I feel pretty beaten up sometimes.

No one will think you have made up any of your experience. It's not like you are seeking criminal charges. Nonetheless - he is a criminal and I'm sure if you could turn back time, you would have reported the abuse and made sure 50 people saw you including the hospital and the police.
I wish I would have done so, hadenough. I hid my face for almost 2 weeks because I wanted to hide the abuse! I was actually protecting him, the abusive criminal. I didn't want anyone to know about his abuse. I didn't let anyone know until decades later (my sleep doctor). Oh I could say so much more, but another time.
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Old 03-24-2013, 08:12 PM
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you know what the worse part is, I had someone tell me that when I was being abused (she was still living with her abuser so hard to take advice from her) to leave the man but I didnt listen. I felt angry at her, how dare she judge me or my partner at the time.

I was still in protection mode, lied about the bruises just to protect him. I think I fell off my bike quite alot (that was my excuse). After all was said and done and the truth finally came out I had one person say to me that no one believed I was that bad at bike riding. People were very supportive.
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Old 03-24-2013, 08:23 PM
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^ SOS: So glad for you that those days are behind you -- and I bet you're a damn good bike rider
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Old 03-24-2013, 08:49 PM
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Caranna:

You may well be dealing with an entire area of law, tort law. Essentially what you are asking for is damages as a result of his actions.

This is the most recent case involving a tort action combined with a family law application:

CanLII - 2013 ONSC 1626 (CanLII)

Good read and it is an awesome decision from which to explore other cases where precedents have been established.
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Old 03-24-2013, 09:11 PM
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Thank you mom2three,

The above case-law should be re-posted on some of the DV threads on this forum.
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Old 03-25-2013, 05:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
you know what the worse part is, I had someone tell me that when I was being abused (she was still living with her abuser so hard to take advice from her) to leave the man but I didnt listen. I felt angry at her, how dare she judge me or my partner at the time.

I was still in protection mode, lied about the bruises just to protect him. I think I fell off my bike quite alot (that was my excuse). After all was said and done and the truth finally came out I had one person say to me that no one believed I was that bad at bike riding. People were very supportive.
SOS, the abused woman who advised you to leave yet still was living with her abuser was in a semi-denial mode about her own situation...not completely blinded but sufficiently so that she stayed for awhile. I hope she left before it was too late. I'm so glad you left. Thank you for your support.
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Old 03-25-2013, 06:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2three View Post
Caranna:

You may well be dealing with an entire area of law, tort law. Essentially what you are asking for is damages as a result of his actions.

This is the most recent case involving a tort action combined with a family law application:

CanLII - 2013 ONSC 1626 (CanLII)

Good read and it is an awesome decision from which to explore other cases where precedents have been established.
Mom2three, that appears to be an excellent reference. I will print it out and read it thoroughly. Thank you so much!
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Old 03-25-2013, 06:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iceberg View Post
I hate being pessimistic but I really don't see how you can prove that your mental illness was caused by your ex. Talk to your lawyer and do a lot of research.

Also feel free to write about it here. My very first post here was I HAVE DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY. Its a taboo subject but I don't hide it, I deal with it. No one will judge you.
From my understanding of tort law, I don't think you need to "prove" a wrong.

About being judged: It is not about depression or anxiety, which is nothing to be ashamed of if you have it. The judging I have cautioned about is not to blame the victim.

I also doubt I will be awarded damages in a tort suit, but it is worthwhile considering, even though I'm principally seeking costs awarded for the counselling I require as a result of the abuse suffered.
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