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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 08-30-2011, 07:49 PM
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Default Parallel Parenting and Domestic Violence

Has it ever been a case where the judge has ordered parallel parenting in a case where there has been domestic violence?

I understand that parallel parenting is something that can be considered in high conflict cases, but what if the ex has never made any decisions pertaining to our child's medical, dental, religious, social activities, education and has left it all to me to do throughout our child's life.

I worry that it will cause a nightmare for our daughter, he does not get involved in any decision (i.e. in the past 2 years post separation, and also since when she was born,). e.g. her medical and health - he took her off, her activities - he doens't pay for any of them and when it's his day, he considers it "encroaching on his time", her education - he has no interest in her homework, projects etc, and has not contributed to our agreed RESP for her, recently her Orthodontist bill - he refused to help, her camp fees - won't help pay etc...and the list goes on.

Can he still pull that out of his hat and ask for "parallel parenting" ? I'm asking for sole legal and physical custody of our child, because he has never made or shown any interest in making decisions or doing what is needed for our child's welfare and needs He still owes me 2 years worth of dental, extra cirricular fees etc....

He is very controlling towards our child and still aggressive towards me, and I just think that this will be absolutely horrible. Any thoughts ?
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Old 08-30-2011, 08:32 PM
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I have a thought.

Let him be as much of a Dad to the kids as he's willing.
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Old 08-30-2011, 08:34 PM
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thats the worst excuse I've ever heard.
It's the same one my ex used.

because he didn't do it before?!?

Well. Looks like he wants to now.
Don't live in the past.
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Old 08-30-2011, 10:27 PM
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Default reality

Your child has a father and you should encourage them to spend all
the time possible together. " pull it out of his hat", ofcourse he can.

For the financial issues, if his not fulfilling his obligations, take him
to court. Don't mix the two issues.

Raven
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Old 08-31-2011, 08:53 AM
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by E-Gal View Post
Has it ever been a case where the judge has ordered parallel parenting in a case where there has been domestic violence?

I understand that parallel parenting is something that can be considered in high conflict cases, but what if the ex has never made any decisions pertaining to our child's medical, dental, religious, social activities, education and has left it all to me to do throughout our child's life.

I worry that it will cause a nightmare for our daughter, he does not get involved in any decision (i.e. in the past 2 years post separation, and also since when she was born,). e.g. her medical and health - he took her off, her activities - he doens't pay for any of them and when it's his day, he considers it "encroaching on his time", her education - he has no interest in her homework, projects etc, and has not contributed to our agreed RESP for her, recently her Orthodontist bill - he refused to help, her camp fees - won't help pay etc...and the list goes on.

Can he still pull that out of his hat and ask for "parallel parenting" ? I'm asking for sole legal and physical custody of our child, because he has never made or shown any interest in making decisions or doing what is needed for our child's welfare and needs He still owes me 2 years worth of dental, extra cirricular fees etc....

He is very controlling towards our child and still aggressive towards me, and I just think that this will be absolutely horrible. Any thoughts ?
Parallel parenting is an excellent option. I don't think it will be the other parent who "pulls it out of the hat" but, it will be a judge. There is a common myth that domestic violence = child abuse. Abuse is a very strong word to use and often miss used. Abuse has a boundary and understanding in clinical terms. Emotional abuse is a hard argument as there are no solid criminal charges around it. Furthermore, the abused allows abuse to happen and one's emotions are subjective to that person's psychology. So, when someone claims "emotional abuse" they are in part claiming that they themselves have low self esteem and emotional problems potentially.

Not sure what kind of domestic violence you are referring to... Just making general assumptions.

Parallel parenting is an excellent option for your child to be involved equally with both parents. Be prepared as it is a very common order these days. It teaches both parents a lesson often.

Good Luck!
Tayken

PS: Any parent can take their children to the doctors. In fact, most kids only need to go once a year. Why fight over such a small issue? Especially when a doctor is involved who has a college and governing body to report to and ethical guide lines. The doctor is responsible for your child's health. For the most part the other parent just drives the child to the office and the doctor does work. Do you not trust your clinicians?
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Old 08-31-2011, 10:39 AM
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there are cases

for example

Dagg v. Pereira, 2000 CanLII 22459 (ON SC)
Quote:
The court revisited the issue of parallel parenting. In this case, there was intense conflict throughout the marriage, conflict that at times became physical. On one occasion following such an altercation, charges were laid against both parents for assault "while the bewildered children witnessed their parents being taken to the police station."
By the time of trial, the parties were barely speaking to one another. Justice Bellamy found that the father was very caring and involved in the care of all four children. She expressed concerns about the mother, although she found her to be a tireless advocate on behalf of her children. In the end, the judge designed an extremely detailed parenting arrangement that she called joint custody but which was, essentially, a parallel parenting order.
Each parent was given authority over day-to-day decisions while the children were in their care. Additionally, the father was awarded final authority over educational and health-related decisions for the children.
Justice Bellamy also noted that orders such as the one she awarded maximized contact and would reduce the likelihood of parental alienation.
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Old 09-01-2011, 08:15 PM
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pokeman has a little shameless behaviour in the past
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I was interested in p parenting 4 my
situation, lawyer just shot it down

if one parent is intimidating and
threatening and has abused u i think
its better 4 everyone mental health
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Old 09-18-2011, 09:50 PM
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[quote=iceberg;74707]
Quote:
Originally Posted by E-Gal View Post
Has it ever been a case where the judge has ordered parallel parenting in a case where there has been domestic violence?

If the chilled witnessed DV his chances drop.



I pay most for our child medicals/dental and attend most child's activities without the mother but that doesn't mean she is unfit.



He can but i read your post yesterday where you said he was arrested for drugs PLUS THE CHILD WAS WITH HIM. That is something I would consider him being unfit, not the money issues.

As for controlling and being aggressive, I have no comment because it is 1 sided story

Have you considered mediation?

Yes we did 4 months of mediation and that failed miserably.
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Old 09-19-2011, 03:16 PM
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pokeman has a little shameless behaviour in the past
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in my case they sent kids to
therapist who told children things
like 'moms a girl , your a girl girls live
together

3.5 years after separating the mother
was still sending me pictures of tombstones


I wanted parallel plan, therapist who got pissed at me told me Children should be with
their mothers, especially girls'


therapist fried me in report to judge as
uncooperative, no mention of parallel plan
nor tombstones

its well documented in my case the abuse to
me and children by mother

shared parenting plan or lack of was used
to promote custody change from me to
mother

they implemented a Minimal parenting plan for
me instead
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