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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 10-17-2013, 10:55 AM
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Default Opinions on hypotheical

Many of us are of the belief that both parents deserve to be equally involved in the child's life.
With regards to custody & access specifically it seems many believe everyone deserves a second chance, no matter what they did to put themselves in the category of "second-class parent".

I've read many times...

"He/she did that then but they are now reaching out to be part of the child's life. Give them the opportunity"
"You are not the gatekeeper. He/she deserves to be involved"

Personally, I believe each case should be based on it's own set of circumstances and not treated with a "blanket" approach.



-Father is convicted of committing "lewd and lascivious acts" on his 6yo biological daughter.
-Sentenced to 18 years in prison.
-Sends birthday cards and weekly letters (to the now-divorced mother) for his daughter (and her younger sister) to read.
-In the letters he professes how much he loves his daughter(s) and wants to explain to them why he did what he did but never once admitted what he did was wrong.
-Mother withholds every item (over 100 pieces) of correspondence he sent, from the children.
-Released from prison after 8 years.


Should this father be given a second chance?
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Old 10-17-2013, 11:17 AM
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Quote:
-Father is convicted of committing "lewd and lascivious acts" on his 6yo biological daughter.
-Sentenced to 18 years in prison.


I don't think I've ever heard anyone on this forum suggest that an ex-spouse who is dangerous to a child be given access... especially unsupervised access to one.

The generalities in the comments regarding access on this forum stem from the fact that a lot of people (often female) have a sense of ownership over the children that is misplaced and can draw out and complicate custody/access negotiations in divorce.

You are right...every case is specific...but in general, a child having a relationship with both parents is the ideal and in most cases, should be the default.

In my own personal situation, I think my ex is hardly up to par with what I think a father should be but he's said similar things about me. I had every right to judge his incompetence as a spouse and did so by deciding to sever the marriage but I have zero right to judge his competence as a father unless I feel my child is in danger. My children can make their own decision about what kind of father they have...one already has. My job is to be the best mother I can be and provide alternative male role models which better reflect the men I'd like them to know.

As for the case you've presented...anyone who has problems...especially this type of problem should never be allowed near another child without extensive treatment and a sign-off from a professional. And yes, each case is specific.
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Old 10-17-2013, 11:34 AM
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The usual problem with hypotheticals is lack of detail, and usually they are set up in the exceptional case not the norm.

I think once a criminal act has taken place, the situation needs to be studied carefully. The victim's rights need to come first, before the right of the offender.

I would suggest that the place to start would be with the pyschiatrist involved with the child. Is the child strong enough, does the child want to resume contact? Then any contact should be on the child's terms, as long as common sense measures are in place (time limited supervised visits that the child can terminate at any time).
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Old 10-17-2013, 11:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by firhill View Post
-Father is convicted of committing "lewd and lascivious acts" on his 6yo biological daughter.
-Sentenced to 18 years in prison.
Further to PH's comments... If the person is sentenced to 18 years in prison the child in question whom is 6 years of age will be 6+18=24 years of age. Even with early release the child could be of an age where governance of the child is not determined in family court because they are no longer a child of the relationship/marriage etc...

You state that the child is now 14 years old... Should the child have access to the parent in question? That is a matter for the parole board, OCL clinical investigators and a number of professionals to determine really.

The probability of this happening will be low as no doubt as a sexual offender the person in question is restricted from having contact with minor children... even their own.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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Old 10-17-2013, 01:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
You state that the child is now 14 years old... Should the child have access to the parent in question? That is a matter for the parole board, OCL clinical investigators and a number of professionals to determine really.
^ This.

If there is any question about what to do, why the hell not get some independant, unbiased, professional opinion?
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Old 10-18-2013, 09:08 AM
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I refer you to 161. Order of prohibition | Criminal Code of Canada
which is typically imposed on anyone convicted of a sexual offence against a child.

I highlight the following subsection
Quote:
(c) having any contact - including communicating by any means - with a person who is under the age of 16 years, unless the offender does so under the supervision of a person whom the court considers appropriate; or
which would cover written letters.

For the hypothetical situation described, after the first few letters, the mother should have gone to the police, explained that the offender was in breach of the prohibition order, and he would have been criminally charged. Also, telling prison officials about the first few letters would have resulted in his mail being inspected and and future such letters being seized.

I find it difficult to believe someone like that would have been released after only 8 years. There are provisions in the CCRA to keep them incarcerated for the full 18 years if necessary. Someone sending out unwanted letters to a child would be unlikely to be released.

However, in the absence of criminal parental behaviour, both parents SHOULD have the maximum contact possible with the child. What that contact is might vary by parental interest, circumstances and scheduling but 50-50 is a good default starting point.
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Old 10-18-2013, 05:40 PM
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Old 10-18-2013, 05:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by slughead10 View Post
It's always good to have a role model from the homosexual comunnity......
Which is why I tolerate your presence.
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