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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 08-31-2012, 11:43 PM
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Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
Bathroom, lock the door.
And then call 911 while she's pounding on the door screaming at you. That goes right into the dispatcher's tape.
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Old 08-31-2012, 11:55 PM
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And then call 911 while she's pounding on the door screaming at you. That goes right into the dispatcher's tape.
Beat me to it Mess. Also, get a recorder.
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Old 08-31-2012, 11:59 PM
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It really is an alarming double standard... Where would something like this be properly addressed? If the cops keep coming to the house (it's been 4x already, if I read that correctly) they are just going to see it as a nuisance call..

And OP very likely could get his marching orders. The good old heave-ho. Hahaha. 'Heave-ho' sounds like it should be feminine
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Old 09-01-2012, 12:05 AM
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Beat me to it Mess. Also, get a recorder.
And while the dispatcher is on the line, yell "I'll open the door if you put down that knife!"
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Old 09-01-2012, 12:11 AM
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And while the dispatcher is on the line, yell "I'll open the door if you put down that knife!"
Or just read Shaw v. Shaw and really think about why you are calling the police... To gain "control" over the other parent in a family law matter?

See this current and running thread for more details:

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...33/#post105598
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Old 09-01-2012, 01:03 AM
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The further this madness goes on ,you are moving father from being a victim and more to an active participant.This can't be healthy for the children,you have actively been following a custody share schedule this can be continued outside of the house.This situation is escalating ,you do realize this but are determined to hunker down and hold out.You have to ask yourself a few questions at this point
-is this in the childrens best interests to live in a highly volatile situation?
-Is this going to benefit you in any way?Will a judge look at all the 911 calls and think what a nice guy, or will the judge think that you are equally to blame ?
-Is this safe?Is this safe for you?Is this safe for the kids?With this level of mental disruption and sheer heart stopping stress can you 100% be sure that you and your stbx will not use deadly force???
This is showing all the signs of turning out like War of the Roses
The War of the Roses (1989) - IMDb
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Old 09-01-2012, 01:52 AM
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Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
Bathroom, lock the door.
Bathroom door lock is easy to unlock from outside. My six year old can do it with his thumb.

I have installed the keyed lock on the basement door.
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  #18 (permalink)  
Old 09-01-2012, 11:10 AM
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Bathroom door lock is easy to unlock from outside. My six year old can do it with his thumb.

I have installed the keyed lock on the basement door.
You're missing the point.
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Old 09-02-2012, 02:39 PM
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Beat me to it Mess. Also, get a recorder.

i keep seeing this 'recorder' advice and i personally think its useless,
therapist, lawyers, judges will block its existance and whats on it will
never make it into the record.

if (when) she stabs you or pins you against garage with car and breaks
your legs you might get some traction, otherwise from what I have seen
if she slaps - punches - kicks - knocks you to the floor while sleeping
and jumps on you no one cares.

my daughters witnessed their mother punch me to the upper body and head, while talking to my daughters at the dinner table throwing forks/knives at me, no one cared, to acknowledge such a thing would make you credible, to not acknowledge it its your word against her's.

more men need to report violence against them - so good for you having the guts to do so!

city police need to be sensitized that men can be abused also, police 'men' get to retaliate when agression against them and they dont get it that it takes a bigger man to not retaliate - and we need help getting away from violent behaviors of our spouses too.

battered women go to shetlers and there get advice on how to handle
their abuser - the act of going to the shelter is enough to convince
authorities the seriousness of the situation - and they take the children with them to establish the initial custody primay parent scenario, this infrastructure isnt available to you either.

when i took the children and fled abuse i called a number of places and
they just kept redirecting as they had no idea what to do with a father and children.

i see your situation as very dangereous for both of you, bathroom and
911 while she's pounding on the door short term seems best advice i have
heard.

maybe someone can expand on a successful strategy for long term, i would seek out other fathers whom had lawyers they trusted and got them a fair deal - beaware of the lawyers that will just take your money and hold you in suspenstion cause of their own prejudices like you have already witnessed with police.


best of luck to you
pokeman
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Old 09-02-2012, 02:48 PM
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Pokeman, I get that you feel you didn't get justice from the court system.

I have no idea how effectively you presented your case. Maybe you did an excellent job and got screwed, or maybe you did a poor job and got what you should have expected. I just don't know.

What I do know is that many, many, parents have presented their cases in a complete and well reasoned, well supported manner, and gotten a judgement that was free from gender bias.

I am not, ever, going to tell someone to not bother trying because the courts are against them because of their gender.

You may believe that to be true, but you have not given anywhere near enough justification for that belief.

I am a dad, and I had no problem getting through the court system and getting a fair result. The exact quote of my judge, "If the genders were reversed, we wouldn't even be having this conversation."

You may have had a worse experience, I don't deny that. But please do not attempt to convince other people not to try.
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