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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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Old 10-30-2014, 10:42 AM
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Something for some of the men out there like me. whiteribbon.org
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Old 10-30-2014, 03:31 PM
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Originally Posted by Just'in View Post
Something for some of the men out there like me. whiteribbon.org
Men's Rights Group Masquerades As Fake Domestic Violence Campaign To Confuse Donors | ThinkProgress

Here's another version of the story?
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Old 10-30-2014, 04:04 PM
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The White Ribbon Campaign is a real thing - Canadian organization for-men-by-men that works on ending violence against women. Jack Layton was one of the founders. It does a lot of excellent educational work and has an international reputation for getting dialog going on difficult topics. It's at whiteribbon.ca

Whiteribbon.org is fake. It's created by "men's rights activists" who want to discredit the real White Ribbon. If you click on the fake site's donation page, it takes you to a Paypal account for something called A Voice for Men. This group is really nasty, they've been in trouble for advocating violence against identifiable (female) targets and have been designated a "hate group" by the American Southern Poverty Law Centre, which tracks all kinds of hate groups on the internet.

So to the OP - I really hope this fake "White Ribbon" is not for "men like you". I hope you're better than that.
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Old 10-30-2014, 04:52 PM
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I think AVfM goes too far some times but I understand some of their view point. There is a lot of money in the system dedicated to protecting women but quite literally nothing for men. If you're a man being abused, your only shelter is a homeless one. You won't be allowed or welcomed into any of the existing domestic violence shelters. Don't waste your time calling hot lines or speaking to social workers... they will tell you to "man up".

People like WorkingDad and LF32 (and countless others) and especially their children are very much victims of legalized abuse against men and children by the current family law system and divorce industry.

Someone like LF32 is trying to work a job, keep a house, pay CS and pay what must be tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees while his abuser sits in a free house, with free council, all paid for people who unwittingly donate money to things like the "legit" white ribbon fund.

Real violence, against men or women, is horrendous. But propping up a system that only offers help to one segment of society (who often unscrupulously abuses that help in quite a few cases) is just as horrendous. If I donate money to the white ribbon campaign, I am directly funding people like "goldilocks" and "luba" who rely on it to continue their horrendous behaviour.

Personally I would put my money somewhere else and not into either the real or fake white ribbon campaign.

Last edited by FightingForFamily; 10-30-2014 at 04:56 PM.
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Old 10-30-2014, 05:36 PM
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Originally Posted by FightingForFamily View Post
Someone like LF32 is trying to work a job, keep a house, pay CS and pay what must be tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees while his abuser sits in a free house, with free council, all paid for people who unwittingly donate money to things like the "legit" white ribbon fund.

Real violence, against men or women, is horrendous. But propping up a system that only offers help to one segment of society (who often unscrupulously abuses that help in quite a few cases) is just as horrendous. If I donate money to the white ribbon campaign, I am directly funding people like "goldilocks" and "luba" who rely on it to continue their horrendous behaviour.

Personally I would put my money somewhere else and not into either the real or fake white ribbon campaign.

You're certainly free to contribute to whatever charitable cause you prefer, but I wanted to clear up a misapprehension about the White Ribbon.

They don't give money to LF's ex or to the notorious Luba. They don't operate shelters. They're a volunteer organization that runs programmes for men and boys - if you look on their website, you'll see a lot of stuff about parenting skills for fathers, self-esteem building for boys, etc. The idea is that the best way to prevent domestic violence is to equip people with good skills and values for negotiating relationships. They're about prevention, and they focus on men because they believe that the man-to-man approach is effective.

"The system" of domestic violence shelters and hotlines is there for people who need it. Some people abuse the system - like the ones you named - but that makes them jerks, it doesn't make "the system" wrong.
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Old 10-30-2014, 05:43 PM
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IMO it does make the system wrong because there isn't an equivalent system in place to help WD or LF32.

You may be right about the White Ribbon's aims, I'll admit I didn't do follow any of the links before replying.

I also agree that building better people through mentoring, modelling and education is a good goal.
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Old 10-30-2014, 06:47 PM
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People like WorkingDad and LF32 (and countless others) and especially their children are very much victims of legalized abuse against men and children by the current family law system and divorce industry.

Someone like LF32 is trying to work a job, keep a house, pay CS and pay what must be tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees while his abuser sits in a free house, with free council, all paid for people who unwittingly donate money to things like the "legit" white ribbon fund.
I 100% agree that there should be domestic violence shelters for men. Particularly because men often get accused of false DV and need somewhere to go when there is heavy conflict in a household.

What I don't agree with is this bullcrap idea that men have it worse than women in dealing with family court.

I had an ex that tried very similar tactics to WD of LF32's ex's. He put me through a 5 year idiotic legal battle and custody dispute that cost me a lot of money to fight. He and his 3 lawyers (1 in particular) levelled every accusation possible against me and I had no choice but to defend myself legally against every moronic affidavit he put forward. He used all types of delay tactics to try to crush me financially so I wouldn't be able to fight back.

There are a lot of women here who've been repeatedly taken to court and put through endless legal battles. This has ZERO to do with gender. ZERO.

The issue is that HC individuals experience very little penalty in family court for lying, for filing false affidavits, for contempt, for stalling, and for ramping up the other litigants legal expenses. In fact, there is no downside for people like this because sometimes their nonsense pays off. If they get caught in a lie...they may experience some loss in credibility overall but they don't get called on lying under oath. My ex got caught in a million lies after he was sworn in on depositions, etc...nothing happened to him at all.

Even worse, there are lawyers who make taking on HC clients and ramping up their delusions their life work. There's no downside for them either. They terrorize the other litigant while they pad their legal bill. All they do is make more and more money. No judge really comes down on them and punishes them for being complicit in lying for their client.

This is not a gender issue at all. The fact is that HC litigants need to be held accountable for the affidavits and false accusations they make. And if their lawyer's are participants in the lies on sworn documents, they also need to be held to account. Until that happens, nothing will change.

I didn't whine about my gender fighting my legal battle because it had nothing to do with what was going on.

Last edited by Pursuinghappiness; 10-30-2014 at 06:51 PM.
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Old 10-30-2014, 09:16 PM
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Quote:
What I don't agree with is this bullcrap idea that men have it worse than women in dealing with family court.
I don't think so. Every guy on this forum either has had to "fight" the system OR was treated fairly at best.

I believe every women here who went through a divorce is either satisfied or very satisfied with how things turned out (in terms of legal consequences) no woman here says - "I got screwed by the system". Their ex might have tried to screw them but in every case they go their just deserts in terms of legal decision.

Sure, in the case of a woman their ex might NOT abide by the law and the law has limitations on what it can do (but seriously they do everything to non-support payors they could reasonably do). Short of execution. The only reason they don't is because they hope one day the payor will start to pay.

Last edited by Links17; 10-30-2014 at 09:26 PM.
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Old 10-30-2014, 09:38 PM
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I disagree.
I am female and, like men and other women, I got screwed by the system. I continue to get screwed by the system.

I may have received a divorce judgment (that was the easy part) but I don't think anyone is 100% satisfied.

I get dragged back to court year after year.

I agree with previous poster that the system is quite "limp wristed" when it comes to holding people accountable for lying and contempt.

I was treated unfairly by the system when my business partner ripped me off simply because my business partner happened to be my husband. Police charged my ex with fraud over 5000.00 after a very thorough investigation. The prosecutor threw the case out simply because he felt it was a "family court matter." [I learned my lesson too late - never ever go into business with your spouse; being incorporated offers no protection to married people in our legal system it seems]. I think of all the years I paid a lot of money to maintain an incorporated business (accountant & legal fees alone). Total waste of money IMO.
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Old 10-30-2014, 09:59 PM
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So Arabian, the judge didn't award you spousal support for life and compensate you in anyway for your ex-husband's machinations?

There are specific provisions which give unequal share in family assets if one person is found to have wasted them and it happens.

I
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