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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 11-30-2011, 09:01 AM
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CAS tends to take very seriously concerns or incidents reported by doctors, police and sometimes teachers. I've never seen them do very much when regular citizens report things.
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  #12 (permalink)  
Old 11-30-2011, 12:31 PM
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thanks NBDad for your support. He has "retaliated" and is working on filing a motion to change. All because his WCB went from 100% to 75% and so I owe him "more CS"!
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  #13 (permalink)  
Old 11-30-2011, 01:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
My daughter is an only child


By responding in red you are demonstrating frustration and anger. I do not see the relevance on a child being an only child in this matter.


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Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
really? they investigated didn"t they? and this is the 4th time they have been involved, 2nd time this year
They are required by law to investigate any complaint made no matter how irrelivant they are. They are required to by law.

The constant involvement of CAS to resolve matters can reflect incredibly negatively on the parent who continually raises allegations where no finding is found to their complaints. Be very careful on how you try to "leverage" the CAS in these matters. It can backfire on you and you may find them identifying you as a high-conflict individual.



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Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
Did I say this was my intention? My intention was clearly to have it taken seriously, not to have custody changed, especially since I AGREED to 50/50!
The purpose of CAS is to investigate matters of abuse not to control parents and how they discipline their children. They are not a dispute resolution service, they are an investigation organization.

Quote:
Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
they weren"t. their job is to investigate every concern, if they feel it is valid, and it was. and they are following up.
They are required under their mandate to investigate all issues raised. Don't take their investigation as a guarantee you are correct in your assumptions of abuse.


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Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
Right, so does that mean we should suspect that everything that out 5 year olds say is fantasy? I think not.
Suspicion in this case would be based also on the past, which clearly show there is a history of abuse.
1. You agreed to 50-50 and there is a history of abuse? Abuse needs more than allegations from a parent... it needs a finding by police, CAS or a judge.
2. Children are not adults and CAS is very good at investigating matters of abuse. There are proceedures for investigating this and they will follow them.
3. CAS is independent of your feelings.



Quote:
Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
No, this is what you are projecting onto this situation, based on the above few posts. If you honestly wanted to provide proper advice, you would have done a search on my username and come up with thousands of posts and a history that shows that nothing here is likely unsubstantiated.
1. This is just advice. How you react, the colour of font you use, and the words you use to respond are within your control not mine.

2. I have read your correspondence and have to say without reading the orders of the court and the findings regarding your statements, I cannot pass judgment on anything you provide to a public forum.


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Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
So at what age should you start taking your child's word seriously?
Let CAS do their investigation. Provide them the cogent evidence for them to conduct their investigation.

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Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
Yes, I the mother reported it. I am LEGALLY required to do that.
I am just warning you that the constant involvement of CAS in matters can reflect negatively on you. Especially if matters are pending trial.

Quote:
Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
No, there wasn"t physical evidence, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. And if you read my above posts, you would see that what I think happened was that he got frustrated and hit/spanked her way more than he should have. that is how child abuse starts, and the time to intervene is now, before he loses his ability to control it and his remorse.

You are anticipating that he is going to become a child abuser. Judges, CAS and the law does not operate on emotional beliefs/facts. They operate on cogent evidence.


Quote:
Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
AGAIN...READ my HISTORY of POSTS!!! of course I did, and I've FORGIVEN him for that! But he has a history of abuse, and most child abusers START as partner abusers!


Yet you have agreed to 50-50. It doesn't really fit well with what you are claiming. If there was a finding of abuse by a professional then, why would you agree to 50-50?

Quote:
Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
WOOW...I just cant respond...it is the victim"s fault for not reporting to the police, for being scared to ask for help, and the kicker...
False allegations of domestic violence is a form of psychological abuse. It happens quite often. That is why there are laws in place to insure allegations are not thrown around in affidavits and why judges decide on matters regarding children when there is abuse. The "best interests" test in the CLRA clearly outlines this.


Quote:
Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
Really...tell that to my friend when she was beaten black and blue...its not abuse until there's a conviction! SWEET!

You are clearly upset. It is unfortunate you have to write in red and in caps which often represents anger. The objective is not to annoy you or upset you. Just provide a perspective. If your friend was abused, I suggest filiing criminal charges and seeking a protective order.


Quote:
Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
FYI: I cut the rest out because I couldn't be bothered to read you uninformed dribble. I suggest that if you are going to offer advice on here that you ask questions of the poster before jumping to conclusions, or at least do a quick username search to see the jist of their posts, history. Sheesh..what is this board coming too??
It is again rather unfortunate that you turn to name calling. It doesn't demonstrate your emotional state very well in my opinion. You are clearly upset with how your matrimonial dispute has progressed.

I actually track through an expert system the allegations being posted by the top posters and cross reference their postings to an emotional pattern system for social media developed by a university in Israel. So, in the click of a button I can cross reference entire threads against standard patterns of emotions for any poster on the site.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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  #14 (permalink)  
Old 11-30-2011, 01:30 PM
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By responding in red, she is trying to separate the colours between your portions of the post, and her responses to you...

Eye Dee Ten Tee
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  #15 (permalink)  
Old 12-01-2011, 02:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iceberg View Post
I agree, I think it is easier than quoting, I do it too sometimes especially in private messaging.

BTW maybe Billiechic got upset that Tayken quoted her using "pumpkin mama" instead of "billiechic" user name but knowing Tayken I bet he did it accidentally.
Woops. Did I do that? That would have been an accident. Double checking. Some times I forget to clear the cut-and-paste cache and it slips in past []quote tags.

It can create a nightmare in the message board.

I am not a fan of "red" quotes. Blue is more appropriate to separate out who wrote what. Or purple. The colour red carries a lot of feeling and generally not good ones.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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  #16 (permalink)  
Old 12-01-2011, 02:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Kimberley View Post
Eye Dee Ten Tee
Very polite comment. Just demonstrates the quality of your posts.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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  #17 (permalink)  
Old 12-01-2011, 08:40 PM
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Originally Posted by iceberg View Post
Meaning????
Idiot.

ID10T.

All the same.
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  #18 (permalink)  
Old 12-01-2011, 08:40 PM
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Billiechic, I think you did the responsible thing.

Tayken: Maybe she agreed to 50/50 because she felt that the child had a right to have a relationship with the other parent. Just because a spouse is abusive towards their partner does not 'automatically' mean that they are going to make a bad parent and therefore should have their access reduced. She made a conscious decision to encourage his relationship with the child by agreeing to 50/50 and didn't think her own relationship with him should discolour that in any way. I think that is a very difficult to do, but the best of us manage to do it under the most difficult of circumstances.

No one knows if the slap on the face or elsewhere on the child is going to lead to something a lot worse. But why take the chance? Why not get the parent the help he needs now in respect to anger management and parenting before the situation deteriorates. Hopefully CAS will recommend this.

Tayken, I don't care what model you are using to assess people's mental health, but unless Billiechic is a patient of yours, you have absolutely no right to draw any conclusions on her psychological state of mind based on what is posted on this forum.

Why would you assume the worse? Why not simply accept what she is saying at face value and respond supportively?

I agree, calling the CAS to investigate on "false" charges will eventually bite you in the butt. But there is a difference between filing a genuine complaint and making false allegations left, right and centre.

I think you got caught like a deer in the headlights mate, and then got all (very,um very) defensive about the use of font, capital letters and color...

Nadia

Last edited by Nadia; 12-01-2011 at 09:07 PM.
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  #19 (permalink)  
Old 12-01-2011, 08:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nadia View Post



Tayken, I don't care what model you are using to assess people's mental health, but unless Billiechic is a patient of yours, you have absolutely no right to draw any conclusions on her or anyones psychological state of mind.


Nadia
so are you saying that that no one can make any conclusions on their exs mental state unless they are a qualified doctor??? Using your logic then Billiechic cannot make assumptions on what her ex may or may not do to the child.
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  #20 (permalink)  
Old 12-01-2011, 09:19 PM
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I guess I am drawing a distinction between 1) state of mind as determined by how someone treats another person based on an "specific" incident that took place 2) state of mind as indicated by the content of what is posted, not to mention the use of font, color and capitalization on a public forum?

I think it is fair to assume that we all know our former partners a lot better then we know people on this forum.

Last edited by Nadia; 12-01-2011 at 09:58 PM.
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abuse, cas, discipline, mediation, spanking


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