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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 07-19-2015, 02:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
I really agree with all of you but a friend lawyer of mine who knows her as well said that it WOULD make life much more complicated and I should probably wait for another incident but it is documented anyways.
The decision is up to you of course -though I can tell you from experience that if you let this go, chances are it will only get worse. Abusers don't suddenly wake up one day and change their ways. As long as they can get away with it, they will continue and the behavior will most likely escalate.

Your Ex knows that you don't want trouble - she's probably feeling very secure in that knowledge. I say press charges, have her arrested and testify in criminal court when the times comes (this will takes months).

You have witness' - you are not asking the kids to lie for you, they saw this with their own eyes. All they need to do is tell the truth.

Doing nothing is the worst thing you could do .... don't let her get away with assaulting you in your own home and traumatizing your children!!!

Get this on record.
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  #22 (permalink)  
Old 07-19-2015, 09:29 PM
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I'm very sorry to hear this - what a thing for kids to have to witness!

I think I agree with the other posters who are urging you to pursue this matter. At the very least, you will be demonstrating to your children that you believe violence is unacceptable and that you take it very seriously. Mom will probably try to minimize the incident, if she ever talks to the kids about it, so you are the only one who can show them by example the this is not a minor thing at all. And Janibel''s point about escalation is very true.

Of course, you will have to weigh the cost of pursuing this legally, and what it means for you and the kids, so no one can tell you what is absolutely the right thing to do in this situation.
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  #23 (permalink)  
Old 07-19-2015, 11:04 PM
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Originally Posted by stripes View Post
Of course, you will have to weigh the cost of pursuing this legally, and what it means for you and the kids, so no one can tell you what is absolutely the right thing to do in this situation.

This won't cost Links anything - with criminal cases it's the crown (God bless the Queen!) that prosecutes and the arresting officer will probably testify as well. Links does not need a lawyer and is more than capable of self-representing.

I don't know what kind of punch it was, but if he has bruises in a few days, he should go see a doctor and have photos taken

Unlike family court, in a criminal setting the burden of proof must be within a reasonable doubt. Links has witness' - this should be simple to prove. If the ex is found guilty, she will have mandatory anger management therapy and pay a small fine.

What's important is that it's documented ... that's an investment for the future. The judge will probably grant Links a restraining order as well.

Sure it's more aggravation to have to go to court over this, but it's the right thing to do especially with certain (crazeee) people - this is all they understand.
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  #24 (permalink)  
Old 07-20-2015, 05:45 PM
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In my situation letting my wife abuse the children and I mentally emotionally and physically without doing anything really seemed to have made her do it more and more and seemed to have make her think it was ok to do it and she would even blame me and the kids for all of it....your wife might be somehow thinking if there is nothing being done about her actions that she feels its ok and it might get worse and it probably makes her feel good doing it and feels its all your fault that she is abusing you and she is in the right....or worse might back pedal after finding out your going to press charges and start saying you were abusing her....too bad there are people out there like this. Hopefully things start getting better for ya soon rather then unpredictable or worse.....stay strong for the kids!

I wish I would have pressed charges and moved things forward a lot earlier in terms of the abusive situation and selling the house. We are not all perfect though.
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  #25 (permalink)  
Old 07-20-2015, 11:28 PM
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Links buddy. Forget all this coo coo talk of making stuff up like Franklin 's telling you. That's insane. (Sorry Franklin...but making stuff up should be discouraged at every angle my man).
Listen to Janibel ... press charges. She can't be coming to your place punching you in front of your kids. End of story. Do something about it. I would have right away.

You're a guy.....yep the cops laughed at you...we knew that would happen. (I'm not on the gender thing but really ....what would have happened if manly Links showed up and punched a girl in the stomach).... there would have been fireworks with the cops). Society's not quite there yet.

Don't worry if it makes your life harder. You're doing the right thing by pressing charges.

Why didn't you do it right away ppl ask? Easy .. you didn't want the reaction from the authorities that you got when you did call. Like I said ... society needs to catch up with the times. Girls can punch ... and that is just as much violence as when guys punch.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 07-20-2015 at 11:33 PM.
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  #26 (permalink)  
Old 07-21-2015, 12:11 AM
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Just to be clear I didn't call right away because even if my wife came at me with a knife she probably wouldn't be able to hurt me. I wasn't in imminent danger, I was just concerned about the traumatic effect it was having on the kids and once they were on their way to the rooms I would have gotten her out of my house.

Thank god, I didn't lay a hand on her.

These things happen fast.

I didn't call immediately afterwards because I was evaluating it and all the consequences... a mom in my situation would get sole custody for sure in such a scenario and so calling is a no-brainer, its a winner, for a dad like me - I feel it almost hurts me in that respect... she can punch me all she wants I don't want to jepordize my custody trial in December...

I will let you all know what happens next.
I appreciate the feedback.
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  #27 (permalink)  
Old 07-25-2015, 10:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
Just to be clear I didn't call right away because even if my wife came at me with a knife she probably wouldn't be able to hurt me. I wasn't in imminent danger, I was just concerned about the traumatic effect it was having on the kids and once they were on their way to the rooms I would have gotten her out of my house.

Thank god, I didn't lay a hand on her.

These things happen fast.

I didn't call immediately afterwards because I was evaluating it and all the consequences... a mom in my situation would get sole custody for sure in such a scenario and so calling is a no-brainer, its a winner, for a dad like me - I feel it almost hurts me in that respect... she can punch me all she wants I don't want to jepordize my custody trial in December...

I will let you all know what happens next.
I appreciate the feedback.
You're right about that statement - though the same would be true if more men ignored the stigma, the hurt pride and the police - and went ahead and pressed charges.

Regardless of what you decide to do, please, get a hidden camera installed so that the next time (and there will be a next time, no doubt) you will have more than hearsay on your side to make your case.
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  #28 (permalink)  
Old 07-25-2015, 12:30 PM
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You blew your chance to make a better way for yourself. It,s all pain for a little gain. I think you know that more than any one, scary thing is how hard it is to be selfish for some of us and so easy for the rest of us.
I am disappointed with you, and the police of course discouraged you from charges as makes for less paperwork for them and an easier night. Total selfishness.
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  #29 (permalink)  
Old 07-25-2015, 12:53 PM
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"Constructive criticism is the process of offering valid and well-reasoned opinions about the work of others, usually involving both positive and negative comments, in a friendly manner rather than an oppositional one. The purpose of constructive criticism is to improve the outcome." Wikipedia

Rinse and repeat
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  #30 (permalink)  
Old 07-25-2015, 03:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Franklin View Post
You blew your chance to make a better way for yourself. It,s all pain for a little gain. I think you know that more than any one, scary thing is how hard it is to be selfish for some of us and so easy for the rest of us.
I am disappointed with you, and the police of course discouraged you from charges as makes for less paperwork for them and an easier night. Total selfishness.
I agree with you about the police not wanting to go the extra mile to help out a father who wants what's best for his children - though this apathy you mention extends to mother's as well. Most of us who have been involved in abusive relationships will attest to that fact.

What I find disappointing is your black and white attitude about this situation? Links didn't blow his one and only chance, are you kidding me? His selfish Ex will be up to her tricks in no time at all - when the time is right, he'll have all the proof he needs.
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