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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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Old 07-18-2015, 01:29 PM
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Default My ex wife came to my house and assaulted me

So my ex came to my house yesterday and punched me in the stomach. in front of the kids too. She was pissed I wouldn't give the kids for an event. Also i was telling her very calmly to leave and i would call her after the kids were asleep to discuss and she refused. After she punched me she started asking the kids what they want and when they refused to answer her directly and told her they want to spend time with me she tried to convince them. I had to send the kids to their rooms to get them away from her. She finally left suddenly at that point.

I feel like testing the whole gender neutral domestic violence stuff and 0 tolerance.
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Old 07-18-2015, 02:29 PM
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I don't understand what you mean that you are "... testing the whole gender neutral domestic violence stuff and 0 tolerance."

You were assaulted. You were assaulted in your own home. You were assaulted in front of your children.

I would charge her with assault.
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Old 07-18-2015, 05:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
So my ex came to my house yesterday and punched me in the stomach. in front of the kids too. She was pissed I wouldn't give the kids for an event. Also i was telling her very calmly to leave and i would call her after the kids were asleep to discuss and she refused. After she punched me she started asking the kids what they want and when they refused to answer her directly and told her they want to spend time with me she tried to convince them. I had to send the kids to their rooms to get them away from her. She finally left suddenly at that point.

I feel like testing the whole gender neutral domestic violence stuff and 0 tolerance.
At least go down to talk to the police or phone and start a file on the situation, at least there is a start/history for the next time it happens, just next time phone the police immediately and give them the file number you get. Its hard to convince the police you feel threatened and harrassed by the kids mother or even grandmother....in my own same sort of situation the police suggested I don't open the door to her, or stay away, and don't aggravate the situation, so its just email or text now, and no communication/talking face to face when meeting to exchange kid/kids in a public setting. Seems immature but it keeps violence down in front of the kids.
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Old 07-18-2015, 06:12 PM
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You were assaulted in your own home and you have witness'. I would press charges immediately. Makes no difference that it was your Ex wife.

Don't wait ... call the police now - document this behavior.
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Old 07-18-2015, 06:38 PM
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This is physical abuse. Assault is no laughing matter. And in front of the kids?

It may not be taken as seriously by the cops as it would if it were a guy punching a girl in the stomach (so I've heard) ... but you need documented evidence that it happened. And how emotionally-scarring for those poor children.

Shame on her for resorting to physical violence. Take care of it .. legally.
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Old 07-18-2015, 08:19 PM
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you should of reported it yesterday right after it happened. If you just want to report it as a test as the whole gender neutral thing that you are not even taking it seriously as you should be so how can you expect anyone else to take it seriously??

If a woman made the post you would of said that by not reporting it right away they are just going to use it for some sort of positioning for a legal thing later. You would be so critical of it not being reported right away...if it was a woman.
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Old 07-18-2015, 09:57 PM
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Just as SOTS and many other posters have said in the past...victims of abuse ( such as yourself) don't always come forward right away due to the shame and other emotional repercussions involved. I feel for you buddy. Being physically assaulted must not have been fun.
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Old 07-18-2015, 10:04 PM
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As your wife left the home after the assault there would be no pressing need to call police at the time immediately after the assault IMO. You have witnesses. I'd recommend simply going to the police station and filing a report. Police should file charges.

Violence is unacceptable and consequences exist for people who break the law. I would want my children to know this. Someday your son/daughter might be in a similar situation (God forbid) and what you do today may very well make a difference for them many years from now.
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Old 07-18-2015, 10:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Just as SOTS and many other posters have said in the past...victims of abuse ( such as yourself) don't always come forward right away due to the shame and other emotional repercussions involved. I feel for you buddy. Being physically assaulted must not have been fun.
When he mentions that he feels like testing the whole gender neutral thing that shows to me that he isn't taking it as seriously as he should. That would be the last thing on a persons mind. That doesn't show shame or other fearing other emotional repercussions. That being said, he should still report the assault to at least get it on record.


Yes I have said some abuse victims don't come forward right away. I was physically, verbally, emotionally and mentally abused by my ex. Classic abusers shut down their victims support system by cutting them off from friends and family. I DID go to the police but they wouldn't do anything, even with bruises on my neck. They said unless there were witnesses or he would admit to it, they wouldn't do anything. Their excuse was too many times the victim would recant then the abuser would go free. Thankfully the rules have changed since then.

There are different degrees of abuse and assault.
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Old 07-18-2015, 11:03 PM
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My ex-wife is half my size...
She is a woman and I am a man....
I have heard too many tales of men reporting abuse only to be shutdown...

I have been a through a "fair" court system where my ex admitted in court to lies which wrongfully earned her advantages and judges refused to correct the error on the basis of flimsy excuses that even when I explain to lawyers they don't understand... I have been to appeal only to be told that even though the judge committed an error in law his judgement is still valid anyways...

I was kicked out of my house with 48 hours notice, for no other reason except my ex-wife asked and was forced to hand over 95% of my paycheque over a year and then 2/3 of my pay for another 2 years.

My ex-wife is still unemployed 3 years later (a 35yr old university graduate) and she is going to try increase spousal support...

So SoTs, that is the context of why I am curious to see what becomes of this so called "gender neutral zero tolerance domestic violence" stuff.
____

I spoke to my kids, they think i should report it too. They are very level-headed good kids, I am so proud of them and they know that her behaviour is out of bounds.

I told them I don't think anything would happen to their mom (I don't want her in jail or anything). I told them the cops will probably ask them for their version and they were ok with that.

I will call the cops tonight and see what they say.
_______

I am sort of wondering what the consequences are of this.

-Judge some how blames me for causing conflict and uses as an excuse not to grant shared custody in December.

-She later punishes or intimidates the kids for speaking against her.

-She gets a criminal record - can't get a job, and I have to pay her more...

Other twisted negative repercussions...

___________

I have no shame or any other of these emotional issues associated with abuse though my ex tried her best to abuse me in and after my marriage, some people are just crazy and that's it. I recognized what she was doing and I put a swift end to it. It is really just the court system that completely blows me away... The legal system is the true abuser...

Last edited by Links17; 07-18-2015 at 11:07 PM.
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