Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 11-02-2014, 10:09 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 35
Just'in is on a distinguished road
Default men vs women's claims of dv

Maybe I'm in the wrong section but something struck me just now while I was reading various posts on this site.

Is it just me or are men's claims of dv becoming "better tolerated" than those made by women?

More so I kinda wonder about the perception of this community and how you personally think this would play out in family law by gender these days? As men have been unfairly treated by claims against them in past family and criminal law (based on information available at the time), is society setting up a path to unfairly treat women next to punish them for the wrongs and misrepresentations of a few nasty biatches? This couldn't be the right thing to do.

Should raising overdue awareness for one gender condemn the other gender for those amounts of claims that were intended to abuse the system? What about the ones that truly do and continue to suffer from dv?

My personal instinct is to be concerned about our path forward in a men's movement of modern society; mostly because I think dv is genderless. As a male victim of dv, I have little difficulty believing either gender's claims could be true AND not. My own mother was regularly beaten and put down by my father for years. I'd hate to know that for women like her there would be lesser support today in the court system, by the police and by public view. I don't think that because I'm a man moving through an awareness trend that I should be better heard than a woman who suffers from dv.

I guess I'm in a pensive mood tonight.
Reply With Quote
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 11-03-2014, 04:09 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Ottawa, ON
Posts: 994
FightingForFamily will become famous soon enough
Default

As a male victim of dv, did you receive the same level of financial, social and emotional support that a female victim of dv would?

Were you able to flee anonymously to a shelter with your children, be put into protective care and have your financial and legal needs taken care of for you while you hid in a place of safety?

Did you call the police and was your abuser arrested, jailed and charged and punished to the full extent of the law?

Due to your abuser's violence nature, could they not see their children at all, or only the watch of trained social workers at a supervised access centre?

Or was your dv not taken seriously by anyone else while you were expected to man up?
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 11-03-2014, 10:01 PM
mcdreamy's Avatar
Moderator
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,413
mcdreamy is on a distinguished road
Default

Stat Can 2010 profile -of police reported incidents, violence against women is still more than double than that against men.

On the upside, it appears family homicide is decreasing. Unfortunately, depressing when we look at the #'s of our children and note our girls are 4 times more likely to be sexually assaulted than our boys.

Source: http://www.statcan.gc.ca/pub/85-002-.../11643-eng.pdf

I would note, the above stats are police reported only.

Of course, as we can see from recent news with Ghomeshi and twittered at hashtag BeenRapedNeverReported, the most gendered violent crime is the most under reported.
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 11-03-2014, 11:35 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,587
Serene is on a distinguished road
Default

Victim of divorce? We're you a victim of marriage too? Come on, call it what it is - just because you didn't succeed doesn't mean you are a "victim".
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 11-03-2014, 11:45 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: calgary
Posts: 190
pokeman has a little shameless behaviour in the past
Default

i reported abuse, city police said
'dont be so childish reporting abuse'

i filed a domestic abuse 'emergency
protection order' , the police never
served it

i testified my x attacked my children
, in one case putting 5yr old daughter in the car -
driving her home and then upon entry
into the home pushing her face into the
floor and putting her foot on my
daughters neck.

what she did too me was on no interest.

she had custody 36mths later ...


don't look for sympathy on this site for men
being treated unfairly , it will condemn men's
groups and any organized movement men have.

Last edited by pokeman; 11-03-2014 at 11:48 PM. Reason: spelling as usual ...
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 11-04-2014, 07:53 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 145
wantmyfreedom is on a distinguished road
Default

It all boils down to numbers. More men abuse women .... period. The police release their stats for the public.

Their should absolutely be more resources for men. Lets approach our local politicians for that funding. That being said the services in place for women are very much needed.

Most women as opposed to men are vulnerable to abuse because of the sacrifices they make when raising very young children. Leaving employment and freedom behind for the greater good of their families. This cuts them off from being self sufficient. The services in place enable a woman to escape and be safe.

Lets not whine about legal aid and shelters. Women and children need them.

Dont even get me started on welfare...Abusive men should pay their spousal and child support. Instead they degrade their former wives and throw the welfare card in their faces.

I saved the best for last.... those special people who abuse the system with their lies. We need real punishments for these fools. Yes folks ...these fools are genderless. Lets charge them with fraud and give them a criminal record.
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 11-09-2017, 02:15 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 7
hellocolor is on a distinguished road
Default Just to correct a few misconceptions here:

Quote:
Originally Posted by FightingForFamily View Post
As a male victim of dv, did you receive the same level of financial, social and emotional support that a female victim of dv would?

Were you able to flee anonymously to a shelter with your children, be put into protective care and have your financial and legal needs taken care of for you while you hid in a place of safety?

Did you call the police and was your abuser arrested, jailed and charged and punished to the full extent of the law?

Due to your abuser's violence nature, could they not see their children at all, or only the watch of trained social workers at a supervised access centre?

Or was your dv not taken seriously by anyone else while you were expected to man up?
Just to correct some misconceptions here:

As a FEMALE victim of ongoing dv, I can tell you I did not receive any financial support and the social support I received was very minimal.

When I tried to flee with my children, the shelters in my area were full and I was put on a waiting list (yeah...). I had to go to a hôtel but it wasn't sustainable for me financially so I had to go back home.

Women shelter do not take care of your financial or legal needs unless you are admissible to legal aid. They just shelter you for a few days and give you internet ressources or brochures to find your own apartment, job, lawyer and help yourself (they call this 'empowerment').

When I called the police, noone was arrested or jailed. He said I attacked him and they believed him (note that he assaulted me in my sleep that day...). As soon as the police left, things obviously got even worst and I wished I had never called.

In Qc, domestic abusers get awarded 50/50 custody by default as anybody else unless they have abused the children too. Punching your wife does not come into the equation in awarding custody.*

I am expected to "woman up", "help myself", "coparent" and "be kind" to my abuser "for the best interest of the kids". He still uses threats and blackmail to control my life to this day and he stalls the divorce process at every turn.

My lawyer doesn't understand my need for a strict and detailed parental agreement and is not very helpful apart from splitting material/financial assets fairly. I look like the "difficult" parent.

Court treat everyone as if they are angry lying resentful exes to the detriment of true victims of dv whether they are male or female.

* Just in case you don't believe me, here are some sources confirming this:
See third column of the little table regarding awarding custody after dv : "Proving cruelty can be difficult if the other spouse does not admit to it. Even if cruelty is proved, this doesn’t benefit the spouse who was mistreated because the judge can’t punish the other one for being cruel."
https://www.educaloi.qc.ca/en/capsul...easons-divorce

OR
"Par exemple, on ne tient pas compte des actes passés de violence conjugale, à moins que cela représente un danger actuel pour la sécurité de l’enfant"
La garde des enfants avant et après une séparation

Maybe things are better in Ontario, idk... I hope so...
Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 11-09-2017, 04:01 PM
blinkandimgone's Avatar
Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Lucknow
Posts: 5,225
blinkandimgone has a spectacular aura aboutblinkandimgone has a spectacular aura aboutblinkandimgone has a spectacular aura about
Default

This is a 3 year old thread. Please feel free to start a new thread instead of bumping old threads. Tjanks!
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Amend Order or Small Claims for Collection of Court Costs? Other options? odinn Financial Issues 9 11-10-2014 07:50 PM
Lawyer forged my signature and suing in small claims! baclayton Political Issues 4 01-17-2013 09:54 AM
money owed, should I start a small claims case? knight0369 Financial Issues 3 09-11-2012 01:15 PM
Timing of financial claims kdham1964 Divorce & Family Law 8 07-25-2010 02:16 AM
Young girl's testimony about her experience in an Ontario women's shelter logicalvelocity Political Issues 0 04-08-2008 09:07 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:52 PM.