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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 04-21-2013, 11:42 AM
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There need to be a few breakthrough cases before this situation is taken seriously. I have not read the other posts in this thread.

Meanwhile, I still believe that dv - especially involving extreme physical attack - is more often man against man or woman.

It's just that if a man is a victim - whether it's a heterosexual relationship or not... it's really bad that he feels there is no place to turn for support and a way out.

Also, I feel a measure of contempt for people who cry wolf... e.g. the woman reported in the post from earlier this month (April 2013) - apparently, she falsely accused her male partner of abuse and he was thrown in jail for a stretch.
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  #22 (permalink)  
Old 05-14-2013, 10:54 PM
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any men reading this post

#1 find youself a lawyer that another father recommends has done right

i don't post a lot so to save myself replying to every nasty comment that might follow here is some advice

" look up and down your street , at friends, at family , see who has the kids and who is fighting to see them "

that's where the truth is my friends

a lot of you know my story - for those that do and have spit and cursed me at me on this site my daughter has run away from her mother - fvck you , she will some day make her way back to her father.

to those fathers out there don't give up your struggle

god bless you

love u all
pokeman

Last edited by pokeman; 05-14-2013 at 10:56 PM.
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  #23 (permalink)  
Old 05-15-2013, 10:22 AM
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I reported 3 cases of domestic violence to the police. They were not extreme situations but there was no other way out of the situation other than self defense which probably would have been turned against me. The police took none of them seriously and the three police reports confirm just as much. One of the incidents I had recorded on video the police would not even look at it.

So far since we have reached a settlement my ex has completely relaxed. There was no history of violence in our relationship until we were involved in an in home separation.
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Old 05-16-2013, 11:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FB_ View Post
I reported 3 cases of domestic violence to the police...

...The police took none of them seriously and the three police reports confirm just as much. One of the incidents I had recorded on video the police would not even look at it...
I've requested the "freedom of information" records, on the occurances, involved in my situations, as I'm curious to see what, if anything was recorded, during those times. I highly doubt they will have any info, that corresponds with what happened.

I know I have run into the same situation(s), where the police wash their hands of incidents, considering it "he said, she said". I was once attacked in my basement at the very start of seperation (I was sleeping downstairs at the time, when she was still in the house). The police did nothing, because I didn't allow her to beat me. That was before, I started using an audio recorder.

Another more recent incident, I had the audio recording, of her hitting my vehicle, and swearing at me, while I was in the vehicle, getting ready to leave (leaving without child, when I was denied child at access exchange), and they also did nothing. She didn't damage the vehicle, so they let it go, and they were not interested in the audio recording - perhaps, because it was just audio?

If I had a video recording, like you did, I would have complained, and somehow looked into an official complaint/follow-up process, to have the video viewed.
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Old 05-16-2013, 11:29 AM
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Originally Posted by dad2bandm View Post
Another more recent incident, I had the audio recording, of her hitting my vehicle, and swearing at me, while I was in the vehicle, getting ready to leave (leaving without child, when I was denied child at access exchange), and they also did nothing. She didn't damage the vehicle, so they let it go, and they were not interested in the audio recording - perhaps, because it was just audio?
Yes, it is because it was an audio recording but, more importantly because it doesn't show the full scope of the communications.

Here is an example why recording are rarely ever used when taken by a party other than an expert (e.g. PI) or the police.

1. Person A calls Person B (recording off) and tells Person B and says something nasty. Hangs up the phone.

2. Person A calls back Person B immediately and then tries to discuss some matter about the children acting like they didn't just do Step #1.

3. Person B is still outraged at what Person A said to them, which is not recorded, and says something inappropriate but, influenced by the conduct of Step #1.

4. Person A has a recording of Person B from phone call #2 but, not from phone call #1 and provides to the police.

5. Police investigate and contact Person B but, are given new evidence of the Person A calling Person B in phone call #1.

6. Police's hands are now tied. What they do see is two people behaving incredibly badly. What are they to do?

That is why many of the learned posters to this site advise that the recording are for defence in a criminal proceeding of assault and to defend against false allegations. The recommendations to record are made to defend against a "Shaw v. Shaw" situation basically.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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Old 05-16-2013, 11:39 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
Yes, it is because it was an audio recording but, more importantly because it doesn't show the full scope of the communications...
Yeah, I get that...

Which is why I use it, because in the few times police have been involved, the ex claims that I "started it", or I was "out of control". The audio recording, at least would show, that is clearly not the case, and I'm simply trying to, in this case, pickup child.

The time, she started hitting my vehicle, I had the audio start before I even pulled up to her place, so it was complete in that sense.
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  #27 (permalink)  
Old 05-16-2013, 12:05 PM
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Originally Posted by dad2bandm View Post
Yeah, I get that...

Which is why I use it, because in the few times police have been involved, the ex claims that I "started it", or I was "out of control". The audio recording, at least would show, that is clearly not the case, and I'm simply trying to, in this case, pickup child.

The time, she started hitting my vehicle, I had the audio start before I even pulled up to her place, so it was complete in that sense.
Exploring it from another angle...

What benefit is it to the children, the primary concern (Rule 24) of a family law proceeding for the parent in question to be criminally charged for an emotional outburst?

Were the children harmed from the conduct? Did the police even call the CAS if the children were present? What did the CAS, if involved, even do about the incident?

It may have been a single incident. It may even be multiple. But, it takes more than someone slamming their hand on a car to get a charge against them. Also, it takes way more than that to get a conviction.

How do we apply the incident to Rule 24 and namely 24.(4) "Violence and Abuse" which explicitly states:

Quote:
Originally Posted by CLRA
Violence and abuse
(4) In assessing a personís ability to act as a parent, the court shall consider whether the person has at any time committed violence or abuse against,
(a) his or her spouse;
(b) a parent of the child to whom the application relates;
(c) a member of the personís household; or
(d) any child. 2006, c. 1, s. 3 (1).
Does the incident fit what is the court's view of "violence" and "abuse" against you? Remember, the court's view is rather different than that of the "domestic violence" advocates. Justice Brownstone provides some judicial insight in his book "Tug of War" if you haven't read it yet.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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Old 05-16-2013, 01:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dad2bandm View Post
Yeah, I get that...

Which is why I use it, because in the few times police have been involved, the ex claims that I "started it", or I was "out of control". The audio recording, at least would show, that is clearly not the case, and I'm simply trying to, in this case, pickup child.

The time, she started hitting my vehicle, I had the audio start before I even pulled up to her place, so it was complete in that sense.
But you are using the recording to get your ex in trouble. The use of recordings is for your protection against false statements that it the only good use for it.
If she then wrote in an affidavit that on that one occupation that you threatened her, then you could use the recording to show that you didn't. That's all the recordings are generally good for.

Let your ex sink his/her own boat. Be emotional Teflon.
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  #29 (permalink)  
Old 05-16-2013, 01:15 PM
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Originally Posted by involveddad75 View Post
But you are using the recording to get your ex in trouble. The use of recordings is for your protection against false statements that it the only good use for it.
If she then wrote in an affidavit that on that one occupation that you threatened her, then you could use the recording to show that you didn't. That's all the recordings are generally good for.

Let your ex sink his/her own boat. Be emotional Teflon.
Excellent observation from InvolvedDad75. If you are recording just to bring negative evidence justices (in family law proceedings) don't generally like it. But, in defence to an allegation it is helpful. But, be prepared to have the whole conversation transcribed into a written record.

As InvolvedDad75 suggests. Let the other party hurl mud.

Don't lead with negative evidence if you absolutely don't have to. Also, you have to really, as ID75 points out, check the "relevance" of the evidence. Just because you have it doesn't mean it is helpful at times. Let the other party make it relevant in defence to a false allegation.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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  #30 (permalink)  
Old 05-16-2013, 01:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by involveddad75 View Post
But you are using the recording to get your ex in trouble. The use of recordings is for your protection against false statements that it the only good use for it...

...Let your ex sink his/her own boat. Be emotional Teflon.
When I, or my transportation with which I'm sitting in, are assaulted, in what is supposed to be a simple act of picking up our child, the police will be called. I don't deserve to be assaulted. The ex's actions, alone, are what get her in trouble.
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