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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 02-28-2012, 11:35 PM
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Default Change in thinking needed.

In the 90's I called the police on my gf of the time for assaulting me. Police came but they laughed at me. I was recovering from a bad motor vehicle accident at the time and she was a competition swimmer. Nothing came of it at all. Sad.
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Old 02-29-2012, 11:40 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plky View Post
This gives a good "big picture" of the DV situation in Ontario, in case it's helpful:

http://qspace.library.queensu.ca/bit...201201_PhD.pdf

Answers a lot of questions about why the stats are the way they are. Also supports the idea of going beyond gender and broadening the definition of DV to include other forms of abuse besides physical and sexual abuse of women.
started reading ... and it was interesting enough for me to have to print it out! ... sounds like this paper will help me draw some conclusions and may be referenced in the discussion below at some point.
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  #13 (permalink)  
Old 02-29-2012, 11:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FaithandMorals View Post
In the 90's I called the police on my gf of the time for assaulting me. Police came but they laughed at me. I was recovering from a bad motor vehicle accident at the time and she was a competition swimmer. Nothing came of it at all. Sad.
I feel sorry for you. and this had to come at a time when you needed help the most. thats exactly the culture that needs to change.
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Old 02-29-2012, 12:35 PM
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it is bad enough for women to admit to being abused...bruised pride and all.
But part of being a man involves the ability to defend oneself and their family. It damages a man in a different way to be abused by a woman, and its wounds his pride at a much deeper level. Men have a much harder time dealing with emotions, and abuse gets right down into the core of them.

Add to that the lack of support (both legally and emotionally) and resources, and it is easy to see why most of it goes unreported.

I am not a man, but it is not hard to understand all of this if you can just put yourself in his place. The change that is needed is at the basic level, the acceptance that this happens, and an increase in support for male victims. In this case the men are also victims of sexual discrimination
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Old 02-29-2012, 09:44 PM
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huh?? what does that mean?
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  #16 (permalink)  
Old 03-09-2012, 08:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by slughead10 View Post
male domestic violence is ontario family court
All courts do this to men.

And there are many stories where a man who called the police because he was abused ends up getting arrested.
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Old 05-03-2012, 03:33 PM
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My story, easy - I was emotionally falling apart and the pressurejsut increased over time. Pressure to me is the intense result of a series af actions with the sole intent to break me, to cause as much.... I did not understand that what she was doing was far deeper than lashing out at me and when I finally really had no where to turn after telling every support system/asking for help, sympathy and encouraging words to hang in there sadly is not help, I called the police.

That Sunday morning I finally fell so low that I just didn't know what else to do. Today I see that it was not the system but very specifically one constable who acted and reported that this was my fault, twisted and turned anything I had to say to fit his perception that not only did I not get any support from this senior officer bbut he would create a report that implied it was all my fault and I was the "risk". Two weeks later, when he walked in the door I knew what my fate was.

What I have learned is the front line people in the system see this injustice everyday and it sickens them. They do not have the ability to change anything. The blindness of that police officer, the indifference of the prosecutor and the judge who just wanted to get out of there. So my help was jail. Jail was just one more indignity that I have had to endure for so long and the judge - she has effectively cut off my ability to maintain any real form of relationship with my children. All this when the facts according to the duty council "is a joke - there is nothing". Well the system says that they do not have to consider the facts or what is fair ir even what is right - that is what our day in court is for! And my day in court will be put off untill next year because two of the three judges have resigned their position.

Help for a male victim of spousal abuse? Please, if one is in Toronto perhaps. Help - beyond being astonished at what has transpired does not bring any help to me what so ever. All training is based on female abuse - not the other way around. Right or wrong, this is what I have experienced. Was there any abuse - well the final decision came in yesterday - YES. The evaluations carried out here and the reports and any documentation was forwarded onto "the higher authority" who I have found out as of yesterday by mail. So maybe, just maybe it was not all in my head but I will get my day in court...... sometime next year.

Is the "system" working towards correcting some of these wrongs - not from where I sit today.
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Old 05-04-2012, 05:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
Ugh, so the equivalent of a shelter for men is really jail? That's just wrong on every level.
Well, not really... They are homeless shelters (i.e. Salvation Army) etc... Or shelters for men who are mentally disturbed. But, in situations of intimate partner abuse there are no shelters for men and their children in Canada.

But, as PH has pointed out... Men should be working on communicating this problem and establishing this service.
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Old 05-04-2012, 09:49 AM
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I must apologize, my previous post was quite negative starting with the one police constable ending with a judge that Was just going through the motions.

To the exact opposite, my time with the crisis team I had the opportunity to spend time at two shelters, I interacted with some of the people there and these were not for the mentally disturbed. In fact many were not much different than anyone here, they are just down on their luck and need a chance to get out from under the situation they found themselves. Some I spoke with offered me encouragement! I have learned so much in so little time. Things I once took for granted I will never again.

When I needed help, the immediate crisis people gave me the help I needed to have during a period of time that total despair was guiding my reasoning..... Angela was a full shelter manager - this is one where if a bed is available it was yours until you got back onto your feet and for me she was my Angel through all of this when I needed one the most. There are many people I can't thank enough.
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Old 04-21-2013, 09:24 AM
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Its kind of embarrassing for a man to call police about women abusing them....so a 40 yr old man calls 911 because his 15 yr old daughter chased him into a room and he locked it...he can not defend himself without risking hurting the 15 year old....I would assume the cops would have a laugh! Maybe I am wrong....but I think most men would be too embarrassed to phone police or 911.
Same with a 40 yr old woman threatening a 40 yr old man day in and day out screaming at him and the kids all the time....If its was the man threatening and screaming at the woman and kids all the time I imagine its looked at a whole lot more as threatening.
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