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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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Old 02-28-2012, 04:17 PM
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Default male victims of domestic violence

looks like most men dont even report domestic violence, a clear change in culture is required where most men think DV against them is "not important enough" or is a "personal matter".


http://www.statcan.gc.ca/pub/85-224-...0/ct003_en.gif


Family Violence in Canada: A Statistical Profile: Chart 1.3 — Reasons for not reporting spousal violence to police, by sex,*2009

until the change of culture DV against men will continue one way or the other.
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Old 02-28-2012, 04:21 PM
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And to add to this, when trying to report the abuse (for a male friend of mine, who I rescued with the police), the big problem is that there is NO safe shelters for men... I mostly received blank or shocked stares when looking for help... even from within the "abused women" system...
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Old 02-28-2012, 04:21 PM
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Originally Posted by sahibjee View Post
looks like most men dont even report domestic violence, a clear change in culture is required where most men think DV against them is "not important enough" or is a "personal matter".


http://www.statcan.gc.ca/pub/85-224-...0/ct003_en.gif


Family Violence in Canada: A Statistical Profile: Chart 1.3 — Reasons for not reporting spousal violence to police, by sex,*2009

until the change of culture DV against men will continue one way or the other.
It is the responsibility of both genders to solve the problem though. More needs to be done about false allegations of DV. It is a very difficult situation as men are accused of playing "victim" for reporting the abuse. Finding the balance to protect both genders equal is hard.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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Old 02-28-2012, 05:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
It is the responsibility of both genders to solve the problem though. More needs to be done about false allegations of DV. It is a very difficult situation as men are accused of playing "victim" for reporting the abuse. Finding the balance to protect both genders equal is hard.

Good Luck!
Tayken
I agree,
there is two parts of the problem here
1- The DV it self.
2- The culture of no-action or not reporting it to police.

personally i think police should be involved when other methods are exhausted and DV is of serious physical nature because currently police involvement is more likely to destroy a family than not, unless of course police is trained not to destroy a family (currently their training focuses on destroying families rather than mending i.e. they are quick to advise how to get a divorce than to advise to get mediation and.... the list is long )

however i think practically the culture change cannot happen without help from some large scale organizations which have a great social footprint or a govt funded systematic change, tools like facebook can be used to a certain extent but that will only go so far.
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Old 02-28-2012, 07:50 PM
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This gives a good "big picture" of the DV situation in Ontario, in case it's helpful:

http://qspace.library.queensu.ca/bit...201201_PhD.pdf

Answers a lot of questions about why the stats are the way they are. Also supports the idea of going beyond gender and broadening the definition of DV to include other forms of abuse besides physical and sexual abuse of women.
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Old 02-28-2012, 08:07 PM
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Originally Posted by plky View Post
This gives a good "big picture" of the DV situation in Ontario, in case it's helpful:

http://qspace.library.queensu.ca/bit...201201_PhD.pdf

Answers a lot of questions about why the stats are the way they are. Also supports the idea of going beyond gender and broadening the definition of DV to include other forms of abuse besides physical and sexual abuse of women.
Thanks! Excellent link. Only a few pages in and already impressed. My hat off to the author for sure!

Tayken
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Old 02-28-2012, 08:19 PM
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When I look at these stats, I can see why police don't get involved

1. It's quite even when it comes to "don't want to get the police involved"

2. Didn't want spouse to get "arrested" that quite even also

3. Police "couldn't do anything"

In a a way it sends the message to Police as to why they should bother when no one will press charges, or doesn't want spouse arrested or don't want the police involved.

I'm in no way condoning the abuse of men or women, but I would imagine if they are constantly being called to the house for DV and either spouse shuts up, it's becomes a waste of taxpayers money.

The Police are there to serve and protect not to council couples on how they should treat each other.

Domestic Violence gets worse over time. Every violent act is a warning. The most dangerous time is when you leave and for 6 months after you have left.
DV victims need to develope a "Safety Plan."

1. Think about where you would go and how to get there if you had to leave quickly.
2. Know your exact address, including lot and concession number if in a rural
area.
3. Create a safety code with your children so they know when to call for help
4. Plan possible escape routes out ofthe house, teach your children and
practice.
5. Open a bank account in your own name and arrange that no bank
statements or other calls be made to you. Save as much as you can, from
groceries perhaps.
6. Keep in a safe place - outside the home - items you might need if you had
to leave quickly. Include a change of clothes for everyone, a favourite toy
for each child, keys to the house, car, office, a list of important telephone
numbers (shelters, police, help lines, family members), copies of important
documents (marriage license, birth certificates, health card/insurance
numbers, medication, bank account and social insurance numbers).
7. Consider letting a neighbour that you trust about the abuse. This could
be the place the children go when the abuse starts. Develop a visual
code or some other code to let them know when you need help. (turning
on a light, closing a curtain)

Remember, you are not responsible for your partners behavious
You cannot control the violence
Children who live with abuse, live with fear
Take responsibility for your safety and the safety of your children

Sorry this is so long winded, but there is a lot of help out there if you just look for it....men and women included.
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Old 02-28-2012, 10:15 PM
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Don't the YMCA and Salvation Army have shelters for men as well ? I looked online and it's sad...pages and pages of women's shelters (which are obviously needed and funded) but very few for men.

I imagine the more demand, people speaking up would bring more funding from non-profit organizations and the government to create men's shelters.

We have another problem right now with our youth...I'm taking a Canadian/Women's Studies course and the violence against young women (high school-teens) is dramatically increasing (sexual assaults, domestic, verbal). I wonder if they put any focus on the male teens, so if they start education at an early age they will learn there are places that they could go for assistance instead of feeling like they have to 'absorb' and 'internalize' the violence.
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Old 02-28-2012, 10:47 PM
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There are shelters for men, but no shelters for battered/abused men - BIG difference. Also, when the police comes and they take a look at a 6ft5 man and a 5ft4 woman, they have trouble believing the facts. The man I rescued eventually got falsely accused of abuse by his wife and jailed until all charges were dropped a few months later. So spouses, of both sexes, who abuse also know how to play the system... Sad state of affairs (makes my divorce seem quite reasonable by comparison!)...
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Old 02-28-2012, 11:31 PM
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Ugh, so the equivalent of a shelter for men is really jail? That's just wrong on every level.
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