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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 03-18-2013, 02:21 PM
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Good advice from Hadenough and Otis. I agree - don't dick around. Have him charged.
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Old 03-18-2013, 07:30 PM
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With regard to CAS. I had five calls, 2 investigations against me. Both were closed and CAS remained neutral at trial stating they had no issues with either parent.
When an ex uses CAS as an excuse to withhold access, use CAS against them.
Go and cooperate with CAS, if they say to you that they don't have a protection concern with you. Immediately ask them for that in writing with a letter using there letterhead simply stating that at this time they don't have any protection concerns against you, and that you will pick it up at the office rather than waiting for it to come in the mail.
I'm guessing the same goes the other way. If CAS has a protection concern against your ex, simple ask CAS to state in a letter the same, that at this time they have a open protection concern. CAS won't in either case state what the concern is, but they should inform you in writing.
I have even gotten a letter from CAS, which contained a summary of their involvement with just dates of calls and timeline for protection concerns both open and closed dates.
Given your people skills and the neutrality and skill of the CAS work you can sometimes get a little more information. Once again in my CAS the CAS worker was highly skilled. When the Office of the Children's Lawyer assessor actually called CAS to report myself after I allegedly left our child in the car while paying for gas, she called and stated CAS's position on the matter, "basically don't do it."
I knew enough with regard to my case worker to know that she felt that she could disclose the name of any professional who called because they have a professional obligation to report.
The same held true when a doctor in the emergency reported our child becuase of a picture of bruise my ex's sister had shown a doctor on one of our children's arms or leg can't remember.
All this I knew about before the OCL disclosed the CAS notes.
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Old 03-19-2013, 10:46 AM
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I was contacted by an investigator yesterday and they told me that the officer I originally spoke with was telling me the wrong information and that the guy I reported is not a danger. So one of the two officers is wrong and I will have to call back the first person I spoke with.

The investigator heard me out but would not agree to charges because it was a "he said, she said" type of thing. I know that it will happen again and I'm tired of dealing with this, with my ex and her partner denying everything. All that happened was he was asked to not contact me in any way.

From here on out, every phone call will be recorded because without solid evidence, the police will do nothing.

From the sounds of it, I may have a difficult time getting a restraining order. The police really are not taking any of this seriously.
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Old 03-19-2013, 12:10 PM
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^ then that prob works out well for you, SH ^ I'm sure everybody appreciates you sharing that
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Old 03-19-2013, 01:08 PM
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Was Teddie (OP) successful in getting the restraining order yesterday?
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Old 03-19-2013, 02:43 PM
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I haven't filed the papers yet. I want to confirm with the police once and for all which story to believe...is he dangerous or not. I believe his record will have a lot to do with getting the order. The investigator is calling me back today.

My exwife is still denying my access to my 12 year old. She had her parents watching him on Sunday and they would only turn over my youngest son. Yesterday I went to pick him up from school and she pulled him from school early.

Should I keep trying to pick him up? Should I keep sending emails telling her of my intention to exercise my court ordered parenting time?
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Old 03-20-2013, 12:09 PM
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If someone had used those words with me, and police would not persue charges at my insistance - I would be looking at filing a complaint with their governing board.

The test is whether or not you fear for your safety - not whether its 'he said - she said'.

Failing police action, get your hands on the incident number (and copy of the paperwork if possible) and attend court one day. Speak to a Justice of the Peace, and persue charges through that method.
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Old 04-10-2013, 01:58 PM
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Teddie
Make sure you are relentless with the police and if necessary go up the ladder. Police departments dont like complaints, also contact the ombudsman.
Understand this clearly, because you are a man your work will be more difficult.
My ex wife is now a convicted felon on 3 counts of assault. Not to get into the gritty details but she is a complete phsycho. She actually shoved a 76 yr old man to the ground so she could walk over him to punch another women in the face, punched her husband and then kicked me in the sack, a true lovely gem!
What I found is that the men police did not seem to care to much. I can only think maybe they feel a women doing this is not really a true crime, you know, a guy can protect himself.
I remember clearly last fall running down a highway with her in pursuit calling 911. Police showed up 5 friggin hours later.

Until Im completely done, I know this is crazy, I have a gopro on me. My house has 2 trail cams and I am always cognitive of my surroundings.

Im still working on getting her probabtion officer to slap her down. Apparantly chasing somone, breaking into the home, calling mutual friends is not indirect contact. Its all quite nuts.
What makes it worse maybe is I am an in shape guy who looks tough.
BTW, I made headway when I finally made my case to a women Crown and a women OPP. The women seem to get it that violence is violence and it doesn't matter what sex.
Good Luck.
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