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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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Old 03-18-2013, 10:57 AM
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Default Going for restraining order today

After three years of dealing with threats, taunts, people driving my house to intimidate, I am fed up. My ex wifes most recent partner verbally threatened me yesterday and I finally did the right thing and filed a police report. This is the second time he has done this.

The first occassion was last summer; he kept driving by my home and staring at my fiancee who was out gardening. We videotaped him, got his plate and contacted the police who made a report. Later that day I called my ex to ask her to tell him to stop driving by. Her and her partner and the kids were grocery shopping at the time and he took the phone, threatened me and invited me to come and fight. All in front of the kids.

Yesterday, my ex decided to violate our court order, the 6th time she has done so. Each time she does this she drives the kids to her partners so I won't find them (according to my son). I suggested to her that if they there I would go there with the court order in hand and ask for my kids. At that point her partner absolutely went ballistic. Screaming into the phone "I will fuck you up", "I will beat the shit out of you"....plenty more threats but I don't need to list them all. I wish I had my recorder with me but I really didn't expect that this would happen. Lesson learned.

I went to the police station and wrote a report. The officer who took the report had a seat with me in the lobby and asked about our custody arrangement....which is joint and 50/50 access. At that point she asked that I read between the lines as she couldn't tell me certain things due to confidentiality. She stated, "this man is dangerous, go to the courthouse tomorrow to file a restraining order, and if I was you, fight for custody". This woman was extremely concerned about my children being around this man. The police have also mentioned concerns about my ex in the past.

What would the courts need to see or hear to make them revamp a court ordered custody arrangement? The reaction of the officer, and the anger level of the guy and some of his tantrums I have heard about from my kids honestly has me scared for my kids.
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Old 03-18-2013, 11:14 AM
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Sounds like a bonafide psycho. I hope you can successfully get a TRO. It is understandable that you have valid concerns re: your kids. Is the guy on steroids or something?

Good Luck Teddie

PS: have you had any CAS involvement? And does your ex live with this winner?
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Old 03-18-2013, 11:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hadenough View Post
Sounds like a bonafide psycho. I hope you can successfully get a TRO. It is understandable that you have valid concerns re: your kids. Is the guy on steroids or something?

Good Luck Teddie

PS: have you had any CAS involvement? And does your ex live with this winner?
CAS was involved a year and a half ago. I filed a complaint after my youngest woke up to my ex and her previous partner physically fighting in the hall way. She hit her partner over the head with a hard object and they both fell to the ground. My oldest regularly complained being hit in the face by my wife. The file was open for 3 months, I was told by cas that I did the right thing and eventually the file was closed.

For whatever reason the courts still thought our current custody arrangement was good, probably because as soon as cas began the investigation the partner left. Recently my kids have told me he has been coming around again even though she is dating the guy who threatened me yesterday.

My ex has now called cas claiming that 2 weeks ago, during a family dinner at my home when the kids were playing downstairs, my oldest and another boy of the same age had sex. Logistically I see no way this could have happened as there were 12 people in a 1500 sq ft. home but I will cooperate with cas. My ex has not allowed my son to discuss the matter with me and is currently witholding access, violating our court order and going against the cas recommendation that she not withhold access to my son (I have an email from cas saying that they do agree with her withholding access but they can't stop her either). There is something very fishy going on and I would like to hear the details from my son himself. I told the cas that I would ensure the 2 boys have no contact until the investigation is over.

I called my ex yesterday to tell her of my intention to exercise my parental rights and if that meant driving around to potential spots where the kids may be, then I would do so. That is when her partner went crazy.

My ex does not live with him but according to the kids he sleeps over most times and is often the person caring for them as she works shift work.
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Old 03-18-2013, 11:38 AM
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I have never spoken to this man, I've never emailed him, called him, text messaged him.....nothing. I know she has obviously built me up into a terrible person with the stories that she probably tells him but the hatred level is insane. I have never said anything bad about him to the kids except to say that the tantrums they tell me about are not acceptable.

My fiancee is very creeped out by him, especially after he repeatedly drove past our home staring at her when he knew I was not there. After she heard him screaming into the phone yesterday she said, "if you don't do something I will, file a report".
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Old 03-18-2013, 11:38 AM
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Quite the outlandish allegation. That's really sick. Try to remain calm. It must be very stressful.

How old are the kids now Teddie?
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Old 03-18-2013, 11:42 AM
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My ex and I have a contentious relationship. We don't talk - at all. I hear you. My ex's wife despises me - I used to get nutty emails/texts/vm's from her. I've never met the dumb bitch!?? I've never spoken to her except once for like 5 minutes (a few years ago, over the phone). I did get the police involved and that shut her pie-hole - but your situation more challenging.
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Old 03-18-2013, 11:49 AM
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I sent you a PM. Read that case from top to bottom.

Edit: quote by OP: "I have an email from cas saying that they do agree with her withholding access but they can't stop her either)" ** to clarify - I'm sure you meant to say they do NOT agree, right? ..

Last edited by hadenough; 03-18-2013 at 11:55 AM.
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Old 03-18-2013, 12:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hadenough View Post
I sent you a PM. Read that case from top to bottom.

Edit: quote by OP: "I have an email from cas saying that they do agree with her withholding access but they can't stop her either)" ** to clarify - I'm sure you meant to say they do NOT agree, right? ..
Sorry, yes I meant they do NOT agree.

Thanks
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Old 03-18-2013, 12:29 PM
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You don't need to file a restraining order.

If he used those words, you can simply have him charged with uttering threats.

I believe that would be more effective for you.

As I recall, you have 6 months from any given incident to have him charged.

Call up the cops, and ask about the previous incident you filed with them, and it it would be possible to have charges laid. Otherwise, the next time he threatens you, charge him.
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Old 03-18-2013, 01:58 PM
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^ that is true. If time has passed, they can use their discretion and make a historical arrest. That was definitely uttering a threat.
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