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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #41 (permalink)  
Old 07-04-2013, 09:50 PM
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Somewhat against my better judgment, I'm jumping in here to respond to this statement:

"Domestic violence as studied by Statistics Canada is equal between the two sexes".

That depends on whether you're looking at prevalence (whether event x has ever happened to you in a given time period) or incidence (how many times event x happened within a given time period).

If you take prevalence, men and women report equal levels of victimization (about 6% of each say they have been physically assaulted by an intimate partner in the last 12 months). If you look at incidence (how many times in the last 12 months did this happen), women report much more than men do. Same is true if you look at severity of consequences - women are much more likely than men to say that an episode of domestic violence resulted in hospitalization or the need for medical treatment.

I'm pulling this from memory (I do lectures on this), but the source is the Canadian General Social Survey - Victimization, the biggest and most rigorous study of crime victimization in the country, which is run every five years by StatsCan. There is undoubtedly under-reporting going on, but the balance of evidence from all sources suggests that more domestic assaults happen to women than to men. Which is not to say that women never assault men, or that they never lie about being assaulted, or that there are no forms of nonphysical abuse which are just as bad as the physical kind.

If anyone is interested, I can pull some numbers from my lecture notes, or you can go to the StatsCan home page (Statistics Canada: Canada's national statistical agency / Statistique Canada : Organisme statistique national du Canada) and read the original research. The most recent wave of the survey was 2009.
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  #42 (permalink)  
Old 07-04-2013, 09:53 PM
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"Anything can be proven by statistics, 50% of people know that"
-Homer Simpson.
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  #43 (permalink)  
Old 07-04-2013, 09:58 PM
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My point exactly. You can use the same numbers to argue that men and women are equally likely to experience assault by a domestic partner, and that more assaults happen to women than to men. Both statements are valid.


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Originally Posted by wretchedotis View Post
"Anything can be proven by statistics, 50% of people know that"
-Homer Simpson.
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  #44 (permalink)  
Old 07-04-2013, 10:11 PM
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Originally Posted by stripes View Post
My point exactly. You can use the same numbers to argue that men and women are equally likely to experience assault by a domestic partner, and that more assaults happen to women than to men. Both statements are valid.
Yep, which is why I comment anecdotally on this board. What has happened to me, and my interpretation of it.
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  #45 (permalink)  
Old 07-05-2013, 12:14 AM
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Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
I forgot to mention that a valuable, yet stressful, aspect of this forum is the way we critically pick apart people's arguments. It can make posters feel very defensive, as you are demonstrating, but it is an excellent taste for what you can face in court, and help you prepare.
I wonder Rioe, since less than 5% of people actually make it to court, (perhaps a slightly higher percentage on this board since many here face difficult issues), does the majority of people need to be critically picked apart to prepare them for a court they will never face?

That is a big qualm for me on this board is that posters are "picked apart" under the defense of "preparing" them but they never ask for this preparation nor will they likely be in a situation to use it.

Last edited by SadAndTired; 07-05-2013 at 12:19 AM.
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Old 07-05-2013, 06:40 AM
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Originally Posted by SadAndTired View Post
I wonder Rioe, since less than 5% of people actually make it to court, (perhaps a slightly higher percentage on this board since many here face difficult issues), does the majority of people need to be critically picked apart to prepare them for a court they will never face?

That is a big qualm for me on this board is that posters are "picked apart" under the defense of "preparing" them but they never ask for this preparation nor will they likely be in a situation to use it.
Even if they do not go to court, they still have to deal with the other side in negotiations etc. Picking apart the flaws in their arguements may help them with getting a reasonable settlement quicker.

If a person comes to this board asking for opinions or advice hen they are asking in a roundabout way for the preparation.
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  #47 (permalink)  
Old 07-05-2013, 12:12 PM
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Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
If a person comes to this board asking for opinions or advice then they are asking in a roundabout way for the preparation.
Indeed! As much as I hate to admit it, when I first joined this forum I was expecting sympathy and moral support concerning my particular DV situation.

What I wasen't expecting was cold hard facts as to how to better handle the legal aspects of my court case.

My lawyer has the same approach - advising me to put aside my feelings (keep that for my therapist) and concentrate on preparing a proper settlement. It can be very frustrating for a DV victim to accept the reality of no fault divorce, but one has to in order to not be a victim of their own expectations.

This forum was a 'wake up call' for me and am now better equiped to work with my lawyer in a more productive way.

I do understand what you are going through, and wish you all the best in the future.

Jan xx
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  #48 (permalink)  
Old 07-05-2013, 11:06 PM
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Originally Posted by SoccerMom73 View Post
Gee whiz, I’ve read over these threads and am quite blown away. The whole reason I came on this forum was to try to get objective advice and feedback. I was quite aware that there would be opinions quite different or opposite to mine and I’m quite ok with that. What I’m not particularly ok with is having every statement I make picked apart. I didn’t realize I was on trial here lol.

Sadly, it appears that although there is some great input on this forum and while much of the great feedback on this thread was opposite to my own outlook, there is also a great deal of hate and bitterness towards women on this forum. It couldn’t be more obvious if I was hit in the head by it. Oh wait but that’s not a big deal eh, wretched Otis? Would it change your mind btw if my ex acknowledged he could have killed me by the single blow to my temple? Let me guess, likely not…you are probably having a little chuckle to yourself right now about it.

Wretchedotis, my ex was not given a conditional discharge YET as I’ve stated that he hasn’t been sentenced yet. He was given a conditional discharge on his last charge with a prior girlfriend that occurred in 2005. He will LIKELY receive another one this time around. So maybe you should read through the material before making such a ridiculous comment. And right…your statement about the punch to head is not as big of a deal as I think it is. Neither is the grabbing me by the back of my head and hitting my face into the middle console a number of times, huh? Honestly, I feel very sorry for you to have such an outlook. Even sorrier for your partner as I hope she isn’t on the receiving end of that one day. Sounds like you do a pretty good job of justifying it. You and my ex should start a club J Oh wait, from the tone of many of the responses he’s probably a regular contributor on here.

I’m sure there are women out there that do use domestic abuse charges to further their money grab and keep a good father from his children. I doubt there are as many as there are abusers but I’m sure there are. Just like there are deadbeat dads who have their kids witness abuse and could injure them in the process but still feel they are entitled to the same rights that responsible loving dads have. Not that I think you’re one of those slughead
So although some of the feedback here has been appreciated and helpful too much of it is indicative of a caveman-type mentality. I find it rather disturbing this type of mentality actually exists and to be honest though I appreciate some of it (HammerDad and stripes) many of your responses make me sick to my stomach.

Btw, Tayken I appreciate all of your advice on mental health and yes you did allude to the fact that I MAY be suffering from mental health issues lol. Don’t worry, my counselor is quite well-versed in treating victims of abuse, as well as individuals who commit assault, of which many don’t take accountability. I totally get that a number of you are baiting and I don’t understand where all that hate comes from. Perhaps some of you could benefit from some therapy to outlet some of that anger and hatred as opposed to picking apart individuals on here who are just looking for objective feedback. Btw, Tayken I still don’t like the conflict but I guess maybe I’m growing a backbone through my therapy. Hey it’s working J Good luck to you all... Peace out....
Yep, you're right. I misunderstood some of what you said.

But my point remains valid.
"it is what it is".

You don't say what the actual charge was/is - so I can't really say much more.

But if you're expecting much more than a suspended sentence this time - I fear you will be disappointed.
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