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Links17 09-13-2014 10:20 AM

ex screaming at son till he cries
My son told me today that his mom screams so much at him till the point he cries. He said it happens about once or twice a week....


arabian 09-13-2014 10:30 AM

If it is happening regularly then I would think it is appropriate for a 3rd party, such as a child psychologist, to work with/assess your son.

My son told a teacher once that he was deprived of light in his bedroom. I spent the money and took him to a psychologist. I made sure the school received a copy of the psychologist's report. [My son had a drafting table and very bright drafting table lamp in his bedroom LOL]. He was 9 yrs old at the time and wasn't doing well in school. I remember feeling a tad remiss as I had his eyes tested and he needed glasses. Kids can exaggerate things but I think good parenting requires one to give the kids the benefit of the doubt. 09-13-2014 10:54 AM

How old is child?

Janibel 09-13-2014 11:19 AM

What does your son tell you about why Mom is yelling at him? Not to condone her behavior - it's clearly bad parenting on her part. There is a fine distinction between normal loss of patience and child abuse .... Tread gently as you don't want to make things worse.

Also, are you on good terms with his teacher, perhaps he/she could give you some insight as to how your son is doing? What do the other siblings have to say about this? Are they treated in the same way?

Links17 09-13-2014 02:42 PM

I dont know what he did as he said it occurs regularly....

My children do very well in school, best in the class type (at this level not saying too much).

She also screams at my 6yo daughter at the same intensity.

Apparently she also threw a knife at my son.

My children are remarkably well behaved - among the best of any children I know.

I barely every have to discipline them, a timeout periodically and I am actually strict but very playful with them at the sametime.

There are no outwards sign but they are terrified of their mother to the point they don't want to tell me anything because she will punish them and my daughter pleads with my son not to tell the mother anything (my daughter) tells me.....

Janibel 09-13-2014 04:16 PM

Knife throwing would definitely be my line in the sand. Toss cutlery at my kid over my dead body!

Sounds like your Ex has serious anger issues. Problem is you have no way to prove any of it, that's were the caution comes in. I think Arabian has the right idea, you'd need to get a 3rd party evaluation for ALL the kids - better safe than sorry. Has child protection services ever been involved with your family?

No child should ever feel terrified in their own home.

Links17 09-13-2014 08:21 PM

I have a recording now talking about the knife throwing and screaming. The kids weren't aware of me recording them.

I have never recorded my kids before but they don't want to speak against their mom out of fear of her and getting her on trouble. Never had child protection involved - I knew she was nuts but I was hoping it was me that was driving her nuts (politically correct b.s. about how marriage stress makes u a crappy parent)

arabian 09-13-2014 10:26 PM

I have read many cases where judges are highly critical of parents who tape record children. To what end would you record? It would not be of any evidential value.

When kids go to counsellors/clinicians it isn't for them to "rat" out a parent. Often the child needs reassurance that the problems mom and dad are having are not their fault. I don't have any experience with child protection services (thankfully) but from little I've read on this forum I would think that you would contact those people if your child was in imminent danger and you had absolutely no other options. You can likely afford private counselling services for your kids (and if employed it would likely be covered under your work insurance). Probably the best benefit for you would be to get professional advice for yourself on how to best handle this situation BEFORE you have to call in the child protection services and/or police.

You sound like you are a loving, concerned father who wants what's best for his children. You also have been "around the block" and would know how devastatingly damaging a single inexperienced, but well-meaning, government employee's involvement can impact someone. I'd be very careful before calling in the army. Just talk to a counsellor yourself and see how they recommend you should handle this situation.

Pursuinghappiness 09-13-2014 10:30 PM

You taped your kids talking about their mother?

What exactly are you hoping to do with the tape?

If you're concerned about the children's well-being, make a request to bring them to a psychologist.

Kids say a lot of stuff...especially when they're trying to gain the sympathy and approval of warring parents.

You can go down the route of calling CPS but I seriously doubt its going to result in much. I have a feeling you're going to keep picking at the scab forever though.

Links17 09-14-2014 12:43 AM

Not really sure what to do....

A few of my concerns are

a) that my ex has basically my children are under threat to never tell me anything that happens when they are under her care. I can never reveal anything I know unless I know something corrective will come of it because it will just result in an escalation - more secrecy, more threats on the children.

b) I don't like the tape recording thing and I just did it to have something documented

c) I am worried to tell child protection and even a psychologist. The throwing knife incident can be interpreted as assault perhaps - do I want to open up that can of worms...

I am leaning towards bringing them to a psychologist but
a) She won't agree - can I bring them anyways on my time?
b) I guess I tell the psychologist my concerns but the psych can't tell my kids that he/she knows through me.

I have a cousin that is a child psychologist I am thinking I should ask....

I don't think the kids were trying to appease me, they don't really care - their answers were nuanced and they were saying "mommy loves us" so it wasn't a mommy bashing session... and sometimes they would say something and when I'd ask them to clarify it would end up being not as bad as they started off by saying.

The reality is probably:
-she threw a knife on purpose at my son
-she screams at them daily and occasionally she will bring them to tears due to the intensity.

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