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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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Old 01-14-2009, 11:25 AM
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Thumbs down emotional and sexual abuse

During our marriage my husband was always emotionally abusive, and I had pretty much 0 self esteem. I had a great job earned far more than him, and I loved my work.
After I became ill and on disability the big paychecks stopped coming in so he left with a good friend of mine, and still lives with her.
One year later, he showed up in my apartment and jumped into my bed (one of my children let him in after telling them not to) expecting sex.
When one of my children became very ill (intensive care) we were both there. He kept groping me and putting his hands down my pants and making sexual remarks.
Shortly after, I was sleeping after one of my treatments (very ill) and he got into my apartment sent my son on an errand and raped me.
I took a bus to the Queens bench court the next day, (as I was too ill to drive) and tried to get a protection order.
The judge had absolutely no sympathy for what he did to me, and refused it as he was not there to defend himself.
Each time after when he called to threaten me or showed up at my apartment I called police. This did not stop him. He sent me emails depicting women that did not comply with thier husbands.
I am still in court trying to get spousal support and back support for raising our three children. The law allows men like this to get away with near murder.
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Old 01-14-2009, 11:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stressedout View Post
One year later, he showed up in my apartment and jumped into my bed (one of my children let him in after telling them not to) expecting sex.
When one of my children became very ill (intensive care) we were both there. He kept groping me and putting his hands down my pants and making sexual remarks.
Shortly after, I was sleeping after one of my treatments (very ill) and he got into my apartment sent my son on an errand and raped me.
I took a bus to the Queens bench court the next day, (as I was too ill to drive) and tried to get a protection order.
The judge had absolutely no sympathy for what he did to me, and refused it as he was not there to defend himself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stressedout View Post
Each time after when he called to threaten me or showed up at my apartment I called police. This did not stop him. He sent me emails depicting women that did not comply with thier husbands.
I am still in court trying to get spousal support and back support for raising our three children. The law allows men like this to get away with near murder.
This IS criminal harassment.
I would provide these emails and a detailed list of the events in the past and bring it to the police.
I realize you've tried in the past to have him arrested when he showed up, but this needs to be addressed ASAP. I do not mean to scare you but the stats on former partners that have seriously harmed (or worse) their ex's after separation is nothing to take lightly. Police are more attuned now to these issues and are better equipped to deal with them.

The many email depicting results of "non-compliance" can also be seen a threats to your physical well being.
At the very minimum I would seek to have a restraining order against him for no contact, both direct and indirect.
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Old 01-14-2009, 11:51 AM
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I have attempted to do so, and tried again through my lawyer. She told me that everythig that happened including rape can not be discussed again with a judge as it has already been discussed and the judge would not agree to a restraining or protection order. I live every day wondering if i will live to the next. This is the Canadian justice system.
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Old 01-14-2009, 12:17 PM
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It boggles my mind to think that a judge would basically dismiss such a claim.
I can understand the necessity of having the accused present, however, this should have lead the judge to advise that "at the time" nothing can be done, which would not exclude you from filing a formal charge later following protocol.
I was of the impression that there was a limit on the duration for suing for emotion/physical damages, but not an actual charge of rape!
As Canada does not have a statute of limitations for reporting sexual crimes.

This is an interesting site, on the laws, the statistics surrounding sexual assult and reporting it, etc.

http://www.avaloncentre.ca/legaled/6B.htmg
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Old 01-14-2009, 01:16 PM
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Angry Husband's lawyer is a tyrant

My husband's lawyer wants to cross examine me because does not believe that i incur expenses to live and wants a total accounting of them to the penny. I have done that. My physician has told me not to do this as the stress that this lawyer can put me under can cause significant detriment to my health; hospitalization; including posssibly death.
My husbands lawyer continues to push to do this. My doctor tells me not to do it...if I don't I may end up living permanently with a roomate, in fear of what my husband is going to do to me next. I would like to leave the province so that he does not know where I am. Even though he has moved in with his girfriend(who he committed adultery with) he insists upon chasing me. Any idea why? Is there something wrong with him or the justice system?
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Old 01-14-2009, 01:43 PM
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Is it possible to get a letter from the doctor, that you can provide to the judge, stating that cross-examination will negatively affect your health? Is there a way for you to be cross-examined by teleconference (so that you don't have to be in the room with your ex and his lawyer)?

I agree with FL Needs to Change that your ex's behaviour is harassment. I'm also surprised that your lawyer hasn't suggested filing charges of harassment. Have you asked the police to file such charges before? If so, did the police charge your ex and was this ever before a court? Is there someone you can have help you such as a member of your church, or a counsellor?
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Old 01-14-2009, 02:52 PM
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Angry abuse

I have two letters from two different physicians stating that i should not be cross examined or be near my husband or his counsel.

Also I have tried to press charges for harrassment and rape and my lawyer instructed me that it would be more stress than it is worth as it happened in the past while i was ill and too difficlut to prove. So I must hide from him to keep safe.
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Old 01-14-2009, 09:12 PM
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I think you need a new Lawyer, sorry.
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