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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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Old 05-05-2012, 12:29 AM
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Default DV...What is acceptable to report ?

What do you think is the 'smallest' act that is acceptable to report as DV ?
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Old 05-05-2012, 07:39 AM
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DV to me is when you are in actual fear , and not just because you are pissed off and want to make him pay. When there are actually signs of the violence such as bruising. Fear should be the main emotion, not payback or anger.
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Old 05-05-2012, 08:28 AM
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Originally Posted by May_May View Post
What do you think is the 'smallest' act that is acceptable to report as DV ?
That isn't the threshold they want for "intimate partner abuse". They don't want people reporting insignificant incidents (or arguments).

Domestic violence charges require physical contact in Canada generally. I wouldn't go on a "bump", "shove" or something minor. It will backfire on you in family court. Furthermore, without prior incident to a seperation you may find the police looking at you somewhat with crossed eyes.

My understanding is that you no longer reside in the same residence as the other parent. The best advice is to not have physical contact with the other parent and to bring a third party witness with you and to advise the other parent to do so as well.

The last thing you want is the conflict from allegations of DV in your matter.

Furthermore, who suggested you should consider or investigate "DV" charges. If your solicitor in any way suggested you should seek information on how to charge the other parent with DV you need to report them to the law society right now and to law enforcement.

If a lawyer has instructed you to seek out an opportunity to press criminal charges in a civil matter it is ILLEGAL to do so and CRIMINAL.

You can not threaten CRIMINAL CHARGES in CIVIL LITIGATION.

If your lawyer has even HINTED at this it is GROSS MISS CONDUCT in their professional practice and NEEDS to be reported IMMEDIATELY to the society.

See Molly Murphy's book: Winner Take All by Molly Murphy

If you have been told anything by a solicitor that smells "fishy" or that you are being asked to entrap the other parent under false allegations please report this. You can contact Ms. Murphy directly and she will help you in reporting this solicitors illegal conduct more than likely.

I highly recommend you do not go down this path.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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Old 05-05-2012, 08:46 AM
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if this is in relation to the time you tried to force yourself into the house??
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Old 05-05-2012, 09:52 AM
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While we were still in the same house: My X pushed me, grabbed my hair and very loudly and graphically threatened to kill me. All the while, there was spit spraying from his mouth as every hateful word left his mouth. This was done with the child in the home (he did not 'see' but heard every word).

That is DV. Was I hurt? Not really. Was I scared? Yes.

The ex had no priors, was charged w/assault and uttering threats. Assault charge was dismissed, and for the uttering threats he rec'd a conditional pardon. He was on probation for one year, and was court-ordered to attend a partner abuse program.

^All of which, he denied - and all of which didn't really factor into the big picture, except to hurt his abysmal lack of credibility by the time it wrapped up in Trial (which was focused on CS/SS).

Your situation has several volatile components. Best to have minimal or NO face to face contact, and *always* have someone with you when ie: doing pick ups or drop-offs.
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Old 05-05-2012, 01:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
DV to me is when you are in actual fear , and not just because you are pissed off and want to make him pay. When there are actually signs of the violence such as bruising. Fear should be the main emotion, not payback or anger.
Thanks SOS-those are my thoughts as well...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
...Furthermore, who suggested you should consider or investigate "DV" charges. If your solicitor in any way suggested you should seek information on how to charge the other parent with DV you need to report them to the law society right now and to law enforcement.

If a lawyer has instructed you to seek out an opportunity to press criminal charges in a civil matter it is ILLEGAL to do so and CRIMINAL...
Tayken-I sent you a PM. God no...definitely not recommended by anybody and I would never make a false claim. This is not what is happening.

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Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
if this is in relation to the time you tried to force yourself into the house??
SOS-I never 'forced' myself anywhere...

Quote:
Originally Posted by hadenough View Post
While we were still in the same house: My X pushed me, grabbed my hair and very loudly and graphically threatened to kill me. All the while, there was spit spraying from his mouth as every hateful word left his mouth. This was done with the child in the home (he did not 'see' but heard every word).

That is DV. Was I hurt? Not really. Was I scared? Yes.

The ex had no priors, was charged w/assault and uttering threats. Assault charge was dismissed, and for the uttering threats he rec'd a conditional pardon. He was on probation for one year, and was court-ordered to attend a partner abuse program.

^All of which, he denied - and all of which didn't really factor into the big picture, except to hurt his abysmal lack of credibility by the time it wrapped up in Trial (which was focused on CS/SS).

Your situation has several volatile components. Best to have minimal or NO face to face contact, and *always* have someone with you when ie: doing pick ups or drop-offs.
HE-Definitely scary and something I'm not sure you would ever forget. I'm glad you weren't hurt anything further past that incident...and Thanks for the advice !
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Old 05-05-2012, 01:14 PM
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MM: thanks. Was just the 'one' incident. I meant to say he rec'd a "conditional discharge" (I said "pardon").

For our situation: not communicating at all (occasional text/email and that is very infrequent) works best. However, I am anticipating some sort of striking out as FRO is just starting to get involved, as well there is one other lingering matter (in another court) - so it would not surprise me at all if I soon 'hear' from the X and/or his wife. The plan is, (if I do) to ignore - and if it escalates to the point of threatening, I will contact the police. Just remember - do not engage with him and keep the face to face to a minimum, and have a third party/another adult, with you. (I know you have heard this 50x, but it's worth repeating)
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Old 05-05-2012, 02:12 PM
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What do you think is the 'smallest' act that is acceptable to report as DV ?
Any act that instills fear.
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Old 05-05-2012, 02:19 PM
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What about no fear, but a lot of bruising ?
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Old 05-05-2012, 02:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by May_May View Post
What about no fear, but a lot of bruising ?
k obviously you are hinting at something, why not tell the whole story and hopefully get some straight answers? There are too many variables to even really give a guess.

It would all depend on how the bruising occurred. Was someone protecting themselves from an attack by the other person by grabbing their wrists causing the bruises? If so thats not DV that is self defence.
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