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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 01-18-2014, 08:54 AM
Janibel's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pokeman View Post
janibel i am truly sorry you were a victim
in domestic violence.

please consider that you posted on a public
forum.

Really, I figured that one out already ....

family law in canada in my opinion is socialist ( distribute
the $ ) and not based on "precedence" ( lawyer$ arguing )
which is what the regulars on this (lawyer owner site ) try and hide with fill out the forms mentality, its raping family's and (in my opinion) family's of domestic violence when mothers offend are treated very different ( infrastructure wont put them in criminal court )- they put them in family so they can rehab them BUT fathers go to jail if blue collar else same fate as your spouse if they got $$.

Again, really?


your testimony simply revealed that even criminal
court makes sure the money flow$ to women.

In my opinion, the money flows to the system.

your not the target of my posts just pointing out inequality.

the regulars however want the truth kept cloudy
Let's take your own situation as an example, I've read some of your earlier posts and if what you wrote is in fact the truth:
  • as soon as any violence happens be it a family issue or a perfect stranger breaking into your home and causing harm there are some obvious things that should have been done IMMEDIATELY
  • was there a 911 call?
  • where the police involved?
  • was there an inquiry, photos taken?
  • those harmed must have consulted a doctor, ER, therapists?
  • did anyone press charges if not why?
  • was there a history of violence prior to the offense in question? a paper trail, witness' other than yourself, a doctor's report, any social workers involved, prior convictions?
If you can answer yes to most of the above, then you wait for DUE PROCESS and I'm taking waiting and waiting .... and not recanting your story or backing down - then you will have your day in court.


The problem that I have seen time and time again, is that the victim/victims gives up and drops the charges - how can the system be blamed for that?


(English is not my first language, but you get the gist of it I'm sure)

Last edited by Janibel; 01-18-2014 at 08:55 AM. Reason: typo
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  #22 (permalink)  
Old 01-18-2014, 10:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pokeman View Post
#
# if your new to internet Arabian is trying to sway off topic and (with help of others )
# over post this topic - its done when you cant argue the facts - common.
#
I'm not new to the internet (I even predate it, yikes) but even I can see that all Arabian is doing is trying to encourage this thread to remain on Janibel's situation, and to continue arguments over your situation in a different thread so as not to confuse the two. I think we all understand that your situation was unjust; the reasons for that are not clear though.
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  #23 (permalink)  
Old 01-18-2014, 06:42 PM
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pokeman has a little shameless behaviour in the past
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around 1969 the government royal commissioned a study, two things came out of it :

family law act was amended and federal government 'status of women' was formed.

if not familiar the 'national judicial institute' is where judges are educated
Judicial Education in Canada - The National Judicial Institute&

if you google 'status of women in canada' and 'national judicial institute' you will often find the 'status of women' presenting papers to institute - recently "polygamy" was the topic - I heard of 1 polygamy home in BC - didn't know it was an epidemic , thats putting the concerns of women right on judges desks - to persude them to lean a particular way on matters.

its been almost 50 years now , women are doctors, lawyers, politicians - whatever they want to be, and they are also getting the children in divorces at a rate of 80% to 90% of the time.

you will find noequivalent voice or infrastructure for men.

they system is out of balance, what was an issue 50 years ago isn't necessarily an issue today - why does 1 sex get charged while 3 others
of another sex does not that I have first hand knowledge of.

my experience is that if a women abuses there is immense sympathy for her in the system - in my situation I expected to at least hear "those poor children" but what I heard was "that poor women" - attitudes seem to parallel the thought that a man must of physically abused her or perhaps cut off her money enslaving her whereas if a man abuses he is simply treated as a pr1ck that must be made example of and often he looses any claim to %percent of family assets like the home.

even the police told me to "grow up" to "stop being so childish" accusing my X of abuse shortly afterwhich children's services apprehended the children from her due to violence as told to them by the children.

thats the foundation from which most likely your man ( Janibel ) was convicted and Darrel's wifes charges were dismissed by Judge and why my wife never spent a day in court, hell my friend John's wife knocked him down in the court room and through a chair into the bleechers with no repercussion's.

the infrastructure has been at a heightened state of sensitivity for one sex only.

if that isn't bad enough the 'best interests of the children' term in Family Law is another item men's groups want removed from law act, its a "anything goes" clause that allows the rules to be bent - secrecy / discrimination / prejudice can all go hand in hand with it.

sorry you were a victim of domestic violence Janibel , sounds like things worked out for you , your "due process" isn't mine , wasn't Darrel's nor my friend John's and others I have met.

if there is too be equality then we must be treated equally, violence isn't only perpetrated by one sex.

to those whom are perhaps in a knot cause I am posting here I wont be quiet until this changes ...

peace out
pokeman

Last edited by pokeman; 01-18-2014 at 06:46 PM.
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  #24 (permalink)  
Old 01-18-2014, 07:53 PM
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''the system is out of balance, what was an issue 50 years ago isn't necessarily an issue today - why does 1 sex get charged while 3 others
of another sex does not that I have first hand knowledge of."

I can agree with you about the system being out of touch, Pokeman. The system is slow to react and police officers hesitate to get involved. It took me years to muster the courage to file a complaint knowing what an uphill battle it is to get any kind of assistance, let alone a conviction.

You have to become your own advocate, that's my experience. Our son was not directly involved, the violence was between the ex spouse and myself, though it has had a bad effect on him of course.

I was silent about it for years, hoping the ex would join AA, get some help, mellow out as he aged .... If only I was nicer, more understanding, had more patience - every shade of denial and excuses while I enabled his bad behavior but there was nothing more I could do.

When a person is motivated by anger - they begin to burnout with resentment and bitterness like a cancer that eats you from the inside out ... it does nothing to improve your future chance at happiness - it just consumes you. It's like revenge directed at the wrong person (yourself).

I know that my STBX blames me for all his problems past, present and probably future. I'm the one who called him out on his violence and had him convicted. I'm the one who asked for a divorce.

In his mind, he is the victim in all of this - his behavior and lack of good judgment having nothing to do with our problems. I understand that he is emotionally immature, he needs a stronger person to carry his guilt for him .... and I did carry it for many many years. Since separating he is resentful at having to live alone with his own issues. I hope the court-ordered therapy will help him.

As I said above, you must become your own advocate, and be patient, change takes time ... lots of time.

Best of luck to you Pokeman
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