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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 01-30-2016, 06:41 PM
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After reading your post I would agree with you that your case is not extreme BUT it is important that you obtain a restraining order before it gets worse ... as others have stated above, this kind of behavior usually gets worse with time as the perpetrator feels "safe" in the knowledge that his/her bad behavior has no consequences.

Punching in walls, harassing you at work and especially expressing aggressive behavior in front of your children is unacceptable.

If the police won't help you either a lawyer or a domestic violence shelter will. Press charges and get ready to testify in criminal court.

This will take months and there will be times when you will want to recant your statement (this is probably why police don't pursue the issue as most victims back down).

You have to do this for the sake of your children and your own safety. Just remember that no document can keep you 100% safe. Hopefully your EX will get the message once you call him out officially.

Best of luck to you,
From one who's been there.
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  #12 (permalink)  
Old 01-31-2016, 12:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janibel View Post
After reading your post I would agree with you that your case is not extreme BUT it is important that you obtain a restraining order before it gets worse ... as others have stated above, this kind of behavior usually gets worse with time as the perpetrator feels "safe" in the knowledge that his/her bad behavior has no consequences.

Punching in walls, harassing you at work and especially expressing aggressive behavior in front of your children is unacceptable.

If the police won't help you either a lawyer or a domestic violence shelter will. Press charges and get ready to testify in criminal court.

This will take months and there will be times when you will want to recant your statement (this is probably why police don't pursue the issue as most victims back down).

You have to do this for the sake of your children and your own safety. Just remember that no document can keep you 100% safe. Hopefully your EX will get the message once you call him out officially.

Best of luck to you,
From one who's been there.
That's exactly it. With each event, he has no fear of the police being called, because he knows there hasn't been any consequences and he just lies to them when they arrive. He's a sociopath, he's shameless pulls b.s. and starts crying in front of everyone to win them over, then makes jokes with them and laughs... It's quite disturbing to watch when you know the truth, but everyone just falls for it.

My biggest fear is that the courts fall for it too, rather than see him for what he is...
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  #13 (permalink)  
Old 01-31-2016, 05:51 AM
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Originally Posted by selfrep00 View Post

My biggest fear is that the courts fall for it too, rather than see him for what he is...
I felt the same way at the time - that's a bi-product of spending years walking on egg-shells, the constant intimidation takes it's tole on your self-esteem to a point where you fear trusting anyone, especially "the system".

You have to be consistent and determined enough to see it through. From now on, every time he harasses you or makes threats, call the police and insist on laying charges - no exceptions. How can you expect the law to take your claims seriously if you don't?

Document everything, avoid all communication with the EX unless through email and most importantly, obtain your restraining order ASAP. Get some free counseling for yourself, you don't have to go through this alone.

The worst thing that you can do is absolutely nothing.

P.s. I ended up in the ER thanks to my EX's anger issues - 18 months later, he received a criminal record and a 3 year restraining order (he still claims his innocence to this day, regardless of overwhelming facts.)

The courts did not fall for his charades.
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  #14 (permalink)  
Old 02-01-2016, 04:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janibel View Post
I felt the same way at the time - that's a bi-product of spending years walking on egg-shells, the constant intimidation takes it's tole on your self-esteem to a point where you fear trusting anyone, especially "the system".

You have to be consistent and determined enough to see it through. From now on, every time he harasses you or makes threats, call the police and insist on laying charges - no exceptions. How can you expect the law to take your claims seriously if you don't?

Document everything, avoid all communication with the EX unless through email and most importantly, obtain your restraining order ASAP. Get some free counseling for yourself, you don't have to go through this alone.

The worst thing that you can do is absolutely nothing.

P.s. I ended up in the ER thanks to my EX's anger issues - 18 months later, he received a criminal record and a 3 year restraining order (he still claims his innocence to this day, regardless of overwhelming facts.)

The courts did not fall for his charades.
Sorry to hear of what you went through, but glad you got out of that relationship.

I spoke to a victim support group that recommended I log a new case with the police to clear up the incorrect details of what was filed, and to then go to the courthouse for a restraining order or peace bond.
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  #15 (permalink)  
Old 02-01-2016, 08:15 PM
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So you guys are no longer living in the same house?

If you are out of the house, how is it that these incidences are still happening at this frequency? I get the work incident but otherwise, how exactly is he getting this level of access to you?
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Old 02-01-2016, 11:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
So you guys are no longer living in the same house?

If you are out of the house, how is it that these incidences are still happening at this frequency? I get the work incident but otherwise, how exactly is he getting this level of access to you?
With a boyfriend around too? I don't see how a guy would come around and bug his wife while I was sleeping with her... I would never accept that....
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