Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2011, 05:19 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Almonte, Ontario
Posts: 142
inseperationhell is on a distinguished road
Default And it continues....

So close yet so far....

Mediation was successful, had agreement on most major issues. Draft seperation agreement drawn up by his lawyer.

We reviewed and disagreed with a few clauses they added in post mediation (i.e. I buy out the house now but no deadline for him to move out, no agreement to split the household expenses 50/50 while I own the house outright and he is living there, he wants a clause that although division of assets and household items is agreed, he can come back and ask for things he "forgot" about - openended (i.e. a year or 2 down the road, he can ask for the living room couch) - I am willing to give him a 2 month period to add requests for possesions.....he wants to retain full access rights to the property for a full year after I buy him out. He wants to remain on my medical benefits ( my employee wont let him - out of my hands)

Now the emails - if I don't sign ASAP, he threatens he wont move out until at least the spring meaning I will be couch surfing 50% of the time for yet another 7 or 8 months and unwilling to remove clauses that my lawyer is saying are unreasonable demands.....trying to get me to sign to what is unfair to me with threats of what will happen if I don't sign....

The attempts at abuse and manipulation never seem to end....
Reply With Quote
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2011, 08:54 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Ontario
Posts: 3,035
Berner_Faith will become famous soon enough
Default

If there is one thing I have learned it is never listen to your ex...let him threaten you with "what might happen if you don't"... you have ever right to seek legal advice and agree or disagree to whatever terms you wish. Continue to do the mediation and work things through. I would be sure to include a clause saying he has X number of days to move out, and after that X number of days the locks will be changed. He is trying to get the upper hand, not let him. Stay calm and deal with it through the lawyers.
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2011, 09:12 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Kitchener Ontario
Posts: 5,200
standing on the sidelines is on a distinguished road
Default

with my separation agreement there was a clause that as soon as he got the money, he was out and there was no coming back for stuff. Anything left was considered mine and i could do what I wanted with it. I have been nice and everytime I find something of his I ask him if he wants it, if he says no then it gets thrown out unless I want it.

Your ex is being more then unreasonable.
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2011, 09:16 PM
May_May's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 519
May_May is on a distinguished road
Default

So how would he react if you had dates over then and spent the time snuggling up on the couch with a movie and wine, instead of couch surfing alone ? ha
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 10-28-2011, 12:26 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Toronto
Posts: 95
BeenThereTwice is on a distinguished road
Default

When I moved out, amicably (or so I thought) and by agreement, from my first wife's home, one thing I forgot about entirely was photographs. Several months later I asked if I could go through the albums, likely 20 or more of them, and take the photo's of most value to me. Mostly photos from my childhood and early photo's with the kids.

The ex had already gone through the albums and removed all of these photo's, and thrown them out. All of them.

Most could never be replaced.

Not nice. And she wonders why I became angry with her over time.
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 10-28-2011, 06:13 AM
Tayken's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 6,472
Tayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant future
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by inseperationhell View Post
So close yet so far....

Mediation was successful, had agreement on most major issues. Draft seperation agreement drawn up by his lawyer.

We reviewed and disagreed with a few clauses they added in post mediation (i.e. I buy out the house now but no deadline for him to move out, no agreement to split the household expenses 50/50 while I own the house outright and he is living there, he wants a clause that although division of assets and household items is agreed, he can come back and ask for things he "forgot" about - openended (i.e. a year or 2 down the road, he can ask for the living room couch) - I am willing to give him a 2 month period to add requests for possesions.....he wants to retain full access rights to the property for a full year after I buy him out. He wants to remain on my medical benefits ( my employee wont let him - out of my hands)

Now the emails - if I don't sign ASAP, he threatens he wont move out until at least the spring meaning I will be couch surfing 50% of the time for yet another 7 or 8 months and unwilling to remove clauses that my lawyer is saying are unreasonable demands.....trying to get me to sign to what is unfair to me with threats of what will happen if I don't sign....

The attempts at abuse and manipulation never seem to end....
1. Until you have ownership of the matrimonial home (title) and the home is in *both* your names the other party has a right to live in the home.

2. If there is a agreed upon date of purchase that can be used as the "move out" date. If they transfer title of the home to your name you can have the other party removed from the residence.

3. Careful with the "abuse" comments. What you may not understand is that until someone goes to court and gets possession of the matrimonial home (on motion) or an agreement for purchase and sale it is the other parties home and they have every right to live there. The other party may be just expressing their rights to live in the home but, really not understand what they are saying. Family Law is incredibly complex and often litigants don't know what they are saying. That is why often people need solicitors, mediators and judges.

4. If you are going to buy the home, make a reasonable offer to purchase the home, request title transfer and notify the other party that on the date of transfer they have to be out.

Good Luck!
Tayken

5. Just make a counter offer including what you want.
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 10-28-2011, 09:03 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Almonte, Ontario
Posts: 142
inseperationhell is on a distinguished road
Default

Thanks for the advice.

Tayken - the clause they put in the seperation agreement was that I had 14 days from signing the agreement to buy him out and transfer title into my name alone (which I would agree with and have my ducks in a row to do) BUT, also added a clause that he had the right to stay in the house until he had bought and closed on a house for himself - open ended with no deadline. Thus he wants me to sign that I give him money now and own the house outright but he has no deadline to move out....

The abuse comment was in regards to an email I got stating from him that if I don't agree to sign as is, he will remain in the home for months and months to come and will make my life absolutely miserable.
Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 10-29-2011, 07:03 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Kitchener Ontario
Posts: 5,200
standing on the sidelines is on a distinguished road
Default

so he wants his cake and eat it too. You should counter with he has to pay a very high rent to stay in the house and it doesnt include cable, phone, meals, food or laundry.
Reply With Quote
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 10-29-2011, 12:33 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Toronto
Posts: 95
BeenThereTwice is on a distinguished road
Default Seems Reasonable

Quote:
Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
You should counter with he has to pay a very high rent to stay in the house and it doesnt include cable, phone, meals, food or laundry.
Not sure how high I'd make the rent.. High for sure, but not "very" high. Best to be seen to be reasonable. Having said that.. rent for the home wouldn't, and shouldn't, be cheap. Add electricity, and gas/oil to the list of things NOT included in rent. Perhaps water heater as well. Unless these accounts are already in YOUR name, and you want to keep it that way (and don't want to force disconnect fees). But then rent must cover them.

Actually.. why not have him sign standard lease agreement for the time between you taking title and him moving out. Standard lease agreement would be enforceable in civil court (not family court) and would include clauses about damage, appliances, and so on... as well as rent. Would be enforcable in small claims court. Would also provide you with 30 or 60 days written notice of intent to vacate when he leaves, and would provide you ability to get him evicted under landlord/tenant tribunal if fail to pay rent.

I found such an agreement on line the other day for here in Ontario.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
From the Office of the Attorney General karmaseeker Divorce & Family Law 29 03-05-2012 09:55 PM
and the control continues doingmybest General Chat 5 01-05-2011 11:11 PM
child support payments to increase May 1 Peggy Political Issues 85 11-11-2009 10:56 PM
Transportation costs Duped Divorce & Family Law 5 12-13-2006 05:20 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:43 PM.