Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #11 (permalink)  
Old 11-19-2017, 09:08 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 62
tunnelight has a little shameless behaviour in the past
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
The child has been punished many times in the past (even last week) when dad finds out she talked and shared negative acts at his house.
I hate parents that do that. My ex is the same.

Quote:
Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
CAS is well aware that this is the case, and until she tells someone other than mom, nothing will be done. She is still too scared to talk.
Careful. My ex intentionally had our child go to the principal to say I was going to harm the child. CAS was called and child did not share share comments with social worker. Telling your child to share these things with professionals isn't going to help - unless they are truth. They could very well be just things the child thinks you want to hear (or things you have coached the child to say).

Quote:
Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
constant mental and emotional abuse.
Whoa whoa.Calm the horses and take some time to cool your jets. You're not a psychologist who did an assessment on the family now are you ?


Quote:
Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
I will look into a pay as you go option tonight. I am concerned he will take it away but I think his lawyer will be instructing him to allow it now. I suggested it a month ago in an offer but was not accepted.
That can be just brushed off as you wanting to control child on their time with other parent. I could tell you that if my child was given a cellphone at age 11 - the rules at my house would be no cellphone. It will get turned off and put away - just as it would in a school classroom. When they turn 14 - maybe. Child can easily be coached by you to call you and text you during their ENTIRE time with the other parent. It's the other parents private time, a cellphone can not be used as a tool to monitor their time with the other parent.

Now - what was your ex charged for ? Is it a criminal offense ? Have they pleaded guilty ? Is it something that they will fight in criminal court ? Is it something you could use against them in family court ? This is your strongest evidence to use against your ex - depending on details and circumstances.
Reply With Quote
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 11-19-2017, 09:31 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Vaughan
Posts: 2,369
billiechic is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by tunnelight View Post
I hate parents that do that. My ex is the same.



Careful. My ex intentionally had our child go to the principal to say I was going to harm the child. CAS was called and child did not share share comments with social worker. Telling your child to share these things with professionals isn't going to help - unless they are truth. They could very well be just things the child thinks you want to hear (or things you have coached the child to say).

Whoa whoa.Calm the horses and take some time to cool your jets. You're not a psychologist who did an assessment on the family now are you ?




That can be just brushed off as you wanting to control child on their time with other parent. I could tell you that if my child was given a cellphone at age 11 - the rules at my house would be no cellphone. It will get turned off and put away - just as it would in a school classroom. When they turn 14 - maybe. Child can easily be coached by you to call you and text you during their ENTIRE time with the other parent. It's the other parents private time, a cellphone can not be used as a tool to monitor their time with the other parent.

Now - what was your ex charged for ? Is it a criminal offense ? Have they pleaded guilty ? Is it something that they will fight in criminal court ? Is it something you could use against them in family court ? This is your strongest evidence to use against your ex - depending on details and circumstances.
He has been charged with domestic assault against me. There is to be no contact with me and therefore child is being given cell phone to have communication and not violate his conditions.
Child is not being coached at all. She is coming to me sobbing, and this has been ongoing for well over 2 years. CAS is well aware of it, they are also aware that by sharing what she told them in confidence that they created and contributed with the problem of her not wanting to talk since she was punished for telling CAS thibgs at her dad's house.

Fyi I am no newbie to all of this. I have been on this forum for 9 years and have already thought of all the counter arguments to my choices. I realize I will be accused of all those things you mentioned above. And I also intend to once again ask for OCL so that hopefully they will find the truth. I am NOT looking to bury my ex but to free my child and myself to live without this conflict. That has been my intention all along and 8 years of constant conflict has proven that he is not capable of doing anything to cooperate.
I did not press charges. Through his own continued conflict the police were involved once again and they decided there was enough evidence to charge him. Mandatory by law.

Did you forget this is posted in the domestic violence section?

Sent from my SM-G920W8 using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 11-19-2017, 11:47 PM
arabian's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 9,962
arabian will become famous soon enough
Default

I am curious, how did your ex get close enough to you to assault you? One would think that after experiencing 9? years of violence that you would have taken precautions to ensure your safety.

Might be a good thing that your ex has finally been charged and no longer flying under the radar. Important your daughter knows how to dial 911 (not your phone number) and let the professionals provide intervention if necessary. If not then all you can do is focus on how you can provide a drama-free life for you and your child.

Your ex very well may turn out to be a model father when you are not around... let's hope he can manage that.
Reply With Quote
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 11-20-2017, 01:06 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Vaughan
Posts: 2,369
billiechic is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
I am curious, how did your ex get close enough to you to assault you? One would think that after experiencing 9? years of violence that you would have taken precautions to ensure your safety.

Might be a good thing that your ex has finally been charged and no longer flying under the radar. Important your daughter knows how to dial 911 (not your phone number) and let the professionals provide intervention if necessary. If not then all you can do is focus on how you can provide a drama-free life for you and your child.

Your ex very well may turn out to be a model father when you are not around... let's hope he can manage that.
The cops charged him with an assault that occurred years ago when we were married.
They were called because he was threatening to be outside my house and follow me. They seemed to think it was a valid enough reason. Is there someone else I need to convince?

And then apparently when they ask for the history of the relationship they have the ability to charge for anything that has enough evidence. They told me they would be charging him regardless if I wanted to or not.

I was taking precautions. That's why I called after an hour of threatening text messages (15) and 6 phone calls with voice mails.
Anyone else have any questions or can we move onto helpful advice?

Sent from my SM-G920W8 using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
  #15 (permalink)  
Old 11-20-2017, 01:09 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Vaughan
Posts: 2,369
billiechic is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
I am curious, how did your ex get close enough to you to assault you? One would think that after experiencing 9? years of violence that you would have taken precautions to ensure your safety.

Might be a good thing that your ex has finally been charged and no longer flying under the radar. Important your daughter knows how to dial 911 (not your phone number) and let the professionals provide intervention if necessary. If not then all you can do is focus on how you can provide a drama-free life for you and your child.

Your ex very well may turn out to be a model father when you are not around... let's hope he can manage that.
I seriously doubt he will be a model father when I'm not around. He's actually to the outside world a very good father. That is exactly the problem. What goes on behind closed doors, what gets sent to me and only me, that's the problem. Not who he looks like to the public.
We've all been watching the Hollywood news. It's not that difficult to hide criminal and abusive behaviour is it? Especially when nobody believe the victim, right?

Sent from my SM-G920W8 using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 11-20-2017, 01:25 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 63
kate331 is on a distinguished road
Default

Children who grow up in abusive homes are more likely to become abusers or victims in their own relationships. They learn from an important role model that violence toward a loved one is acceptable. How to break the cycle is a better question. I cant believe CAS is not helping more. A women shelters may be able to give you some resources.
Reply With Quote
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 12-07-2017, 10:45 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Vaughan
Posts: 2,369
billiechic is on a distinguished road
Default

Thought I would update. Child now has cell phone and ex has not attempted to communicate with me. He was angry at HER yoday because she forgot to take the phone off vibrate and missed 3 calls from him.
He has however instructed his sister (his 3rd party contact) differently than what our current mediated agreement states, and is refusing to accept an email either through her from me, or through someone I designate. He is insisting all communication only through text (which can be a disturbing back and forth)

He has also gone ahead and chosen a counsellor for her without even communicating with me. I have medical custody, so he cannot make that decision unilaterally. He has already cancelled a counsellor appointment that I made with a counsellor, which he had no right to do.

I am putting together the paperwork for a motion to change to sole custody. We cannot communicate, he is blocking the means we do have in place. There is constant conflict, which his sister is now feeding into.

My daughter has expressed very clearly her reasons to choose to go to counsellor A and her dad insists she go to counsellor B. I agree with my daughter's assessment and that she is more comfortable with A and that will allow her the ability to speak freely, rather than B, who insists parents be involved (and the exact thing I wanted to allow her confidentiality for). The whole pint of counselling is to provide her a neutral party when she can speak freely and get help without either parents knowledge of the details or ability to influence. Only counsellor A seems to be able to provide that.

His court hearing is scheduled for January.

Sent from my SM-G920W8 using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
material change re: custody vs material change re: access trinton Divorce & Family Law 2 01-18-2017 12:02 AM
Legal “Truisims” Exposed?: Custody and Access Reports Tayken Divorce & Family Law 18 07-11-2013 10:20 AM
Parental Conduct and Impact on Access and Custody - Brampton Superior Court Tayken Divorce & Family Law 60 01-15-2013 12:29 AM
Custody and Access Decision-Making and the Breastfeeding Child: Cavannah v. Johne WorkingDAD Divorce & Family Law 8 05-03-2011 11:55 AM
Joint custody - questions & answers (US) first timer Parenting Issues 0 03-20-2011 01:07 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:15 AM.