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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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Old 11-16-2017, 12:47 AM
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Default Change to custody and access when DV charges are made

Charges are pending and I am trying to figure out how to handle this. Can't go into too much detail (charges pending)

It is ex's weekend and he *may* be out by then (I have no idea how quick a release could be). I have concerns over child being at risk since he will be extremely pissed and child has told me many times dad screams at her and punishes her over very minor things. I am concerned as this behaviour has been escalating and child refuses to tell anyone but me.

Do I file for emergency custody and restraining order?
How do I obtain child legally for the weekend (whether he is Out yet or not).
I will be filing a motion to change and request for OCL.
however I need to know how to protect the child this weekend.
Thanks

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Old 11-16-2017, 10:11 AM
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I don't have the answers for you, but am very sorry you and the kidlet are going through this right now.
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Old 11-16-2017, 10:22 AM
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I don't have the answers for you, but am very sorry you and the kidlet are going through this right now.
Thanks Blink. Taking this one step at a time

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Old 11-16-2017, 10:39 AM
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Can u call the arresting officer or the crown attorney and explain your concerns and ask them to add the restraining order onto his bail conditions?
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Old 11-16-2017, 11:34 AM
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is he in jail? Where are the children if he is in jail ? Did the Police notify Family and Children Services? What is Family and Children Services saying.. have they contacted you?

Only the courts can grant you restraining order , but you have to file a motion and win.
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Old 11-16-2017, 02:35 PM
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is he in jail? Where are the children if he is in jail ? Did the Police notify Family and Children Services? What is Family and Children Services saying.. have they contacted you?

Only the courts can grant you restraining order , but you have to file a motion and win.
He has arranged to turn himself in tomorrow morning . He is also supposed to pick up the child after school tomorrow.
CAS has reviewed and will not be involved as the child was not involved in the incident.
It has been explained that he is to have no contact with me as part of his release conditions.
I believe this is enough to scare him into following the conditions. I have been told if I want any protection or changes to custody/access that I am to go to court.

Child is 11. Has expressed over and over but only to me that she is scared of dad. I will have to discuss on a need to know basis with her tonight what is happening and feel out if she feels safe enough to go there until Wednesday. She has no means of contacting me for that time other than dad's cell phone
I am waiting for officer to tell me if he will be released in time to pick up our child tomorrow.

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Old 11-16-2017, 02:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
CAS has reviewed and will not be involved as the child was not involved in the incident.
If CAS doesn't have protection concerns, why would the court have protection concerns? He will surely point to the non-involvement of CAS as evidence that this isn't an emergency. Even if you get an ex parte order, it will have a rapid return date, and you need to explain why CAS is not involved.

Not saying you don't have a real concern, just giving my outsider look.


Quote:
Child is 11. Has expressed over and over but only to me that she is scared of dad. I will have to discuss on a need to know basis with her tonight what is happening and feel out if she feels safe enough to go there until Wednesday. She has no means of contacting me for that time other than dad's cell phone
Yuck.

Perhaps it is time to provide her with a cellphone. Maybe grab a pay-as-you-go phone for this weekend?

She won't be totally out of contact until Wednesday. She will be in school come Monday which can provide telephone access in case things are really bad.

Her telling you that she is scared must be terrifying as a parent, but unless she approaches other adults, nothing is going to come of it. It is always possible that she is telling you what she thinks you want to hear. Kids do that sometimes. How can a court differentiate between reality and storytelling, especially when the only evidence is hearsay?
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Old 11-16-2017, 03:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
If CAS doesn't have protection concerns, why would the court have protection concerns? He will surely point to the non-involvement of CAS as evidence that this isn't an emergency. Even if you get an ex parte order, it will have a rapid return date, and you need to explain why CAS is not involved.

Not saying you don't have a real concern, just giving my outsider look.


Yuck.

Perhaps it is time to provide her with a cellphone. Maybe grab a pay-as-you-go phone for this weekend?

She won't be totally out of contact until Wednesday. She will be in school come Monday which can provide telephone access in case things are really bad.

Her telling you that she is scared must be terrifying as a parent, but unless she approaches other adults, nothing is going to come of it. It is always possible that she is telling you what she thinks you want to hear. Kids do that sometimes. How can a court differentiate between reality and storytelling, especially when the only evidence is hearsay?
I agree that from the outside there is nothing substantial to act on. The child has been punished many times in the past (even last week) when dad finds out she talked and shared negative acts at his house. So to avoid being punished she has said "everything is fine" for 2 years.
CAS is well aware that this is the case, and until she tells someone other than mom, nothing will be done. She is still too scared to talk.
Do i believe her ...yes. 1000%. There is no way a kid with no knowledge of how I was treated in the past could come home and describe the exact same treatment from the same person. Exact same, just to a lesser extent. No physical violence. But constant mental and emotional abuse.

I will look into a pay as you go option tonight. I am concerned he will take it away but I think his lawyer will be instructing him to allow it now. I suggested it a month ago in an offer but was not accepted.

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Old 11-17-2017, 03:18 PM
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So sorry to hear what you’re going through. You might want to discuss a safety plan with your daughter. The good news is that she is 11 and her wishes are soon to be taken into consideration by the courts.
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Old 11-17-2017, 03:33 PM
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Originally Posted by Stillbreathing View Post
So sorry to hear what you’re going through. You might want to discuss a safety plan with your daughter. The good news is that she is 11 and her wishes are soon to be taken into consideration by the courts.
He has been arrested and is likely to be released tonight on bail. My daughter is going with him for his access time.
I have obtained a cell phone for her and will bring it to her at school on Monday. I will be filing for some custody now as well as there is no ability to even discuss things with his conditions of no contact, and with that past history.

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