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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 12-13-2011, 12:49 PM
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Not saying it didnt happen exactly as described but.......

My daughter (who is now 6) has said to my ex on many occassions that certain things happened while in my care, like:

my parents dog bit her....no, the dog didn't. It grunted at her once as my 4yo came up from behind her. If the dog did bite, I am sure the 90lbs sheppard cross would've left a few marks

my fiance hit her....never happened. My fiance was crushed to even be accused of such.

Again, I know you want to believe your child and may have good reason to. But you have to take into consideration the source....that the kid is 4yo and will tell you anything you want to hear.

Further, have you asked your ex about the incident to get his reaction. I mean, if you sent him an email saying:

"Dear Moron,

In talking to S4 earlier today, he made a distrurbing comment about an incident during your time. He said that you threatened to cut off his "wee wee" if he didn't get his hands out of his pants and went further to snap a pair of sheers in front of his pants.

If the above is accurate, I feel that such comments and actions are very inappropriate. S4 stated he is very affraid now. I hope in the future, in the best interests of the children, you would refrain from making such comments and/or actions. Should this persist, I will be forced to take the appropriate action to remedy this.

If the incident did not occur as described, I am willing to listen and we will work to help s4 to not tell storys or exagerate."

Chances are, dad did do it. But likely he did it in jest, and just didn't use his head. I just can't see any parent threatening to cut off their childs penis.
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Old 12-13-2011, 02:19 PM
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Your doctor will be your strongest advocate - possibly taking a case from just one of many to one of a more urgent status. The wounds are not always seen and your family physician has avenues to get help very quickly shoudl this be required.A GP is a very important part of your child's health care and should be aware of what to do , who to see, where to go if there is something that the child needs. For this issue and any other that you may encounter in the future. I am not so sure CAS has the ability to act today??? (I have never dealt with CAS but there are many here who could justify that statement)

As you can tell I am an advocate to the GP - this is the person that doesn't look at you only in one particular way that matches a specialty of well a specialist but a GP is trained to look at your whole picture and at times can see what the others miss.
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Old 12-13-2011, 03:30 PM
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U don't have to do anything. But the family doctor will have an emergency based appt process, and if warranted it is a professional contacting CAS as well (one more person backing up your child).
If it is that serious, why wouldn't u try to get all of the support u can for your child, not to mention some professional suggestions that might come your way to handle the situation (as well as teaching ur children that their doctor is a safe, trusted source to talk to)
Just sayin...
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Old 12-13-2011, 05:18 PM
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Thanks for all the advice.
May_May your right we have called the doc and he has made room for us tommorow.
HammerDad and LostFather, due to a violent past I no longer communicate with my ex. It is for my own safety that I do not ask him. I have tried this in the past and he has of course denied it and in the end admitted to ie he locked our 18month old in the car and left her there for a half hour at the welfare office, he hit our son for disciplinary reasons.

I believe he would hurt him accidentally I haven't decided if he would hurt him on purpose. Our son is the perverbial black sheep in my ex's eyes and gets punished far more severly than his older sister and far more often it seems, that being said I am not there and do not witness any of this and am going off the word of a 6 and 4 year old. The reason for this I believe is because our second child was born after the divorce.

I am at a loss for what to do for my children, I want them to have a relationship with their father but yet don't want to force them to go every week to a house they are terrified of.
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Old 12-13-2011, 07:13 PM
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I suggest counselling for the kids. If they tell the counsellor these things, dad is up shits-creek.

And an email to the ex shouldn't open you up to any violence. Yeah, he will most likely reply with a viral denial and curses here and there. But if you expect it, and save the email, you've done your part to advise the other side AND you've accomulated more evidence of their inability to co-parent/communicate....win win in some perspectives.
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Old 12-14-2011, 03:48 AM
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Just to be sure for all the parents who may struggle with the isssue of thier child's safety - I MHO and that of many others:

As I told the OP doctors have a system to squeeze emergent type issues and even less urgent so today the OP found she could get into see the GP "tomorrow" dependent on the issue it could be in a week, two? but not the three months that many Doctors are booking full "for regular follow up and annual checkups.

The quickest I ever got an appointment which was actually as soon as I could get there (time 8 minutes!). Everything is decided by the front receptionist who is trained to ask the right questions and they are the ones who find those open slots so everytime you get a chance to recognize the front line workers at your clinic for the hard work they do to keep your doctor working to thier full capability- DO SO!
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