Can a domestic violent parent ... be a good parent?

[logicalvelocity]

Originally Posted by billiechic

NO, it wouldn't. If the mother was abusive and the father wasn't then I support the father being the custodial parent. Abuse is abuse, regardless of who does it. But I did not say that an abusive parent should not have a second chance.

And to answer your question..NO I have NEVER touched my child in anger. I admit that I have raised my voice (as I'm sure every parent has done at some point), but I've seen first hand what continuous yelling, name calling and sometimes violence can do. I'm not claiming to be perfect. Like everyone else I have had a difficult time disciplining my child and controlling my emotions, but that is human. It is how we deal with those emotions that either makes us abusive or not, having them is completely normal.

Well said ... and a female parent perspective I may add...

[UniversityMom]

Originally Posted by logicalvelocity

Did you mean Misogyny? -- LOL -- I think not. Many of the active participants are female ... Mind you, gender aside, we've had our share of troublemakers in the past.

yes misogyny

Anyway yeh I have read a few posts that were definitely pro dad anti mom (thats not to say there werent lots of people to defend the opposite positions of course) but that could just be luck of the draw of the specific posts I found.

[logicalvelocity]

Originally Posted by UniversityMom

yes misogyny

Anyway yeh I have read a few posts that were definitely pro dad anti mom (thats not to say there werent lots of people to defend the opposite positions of course) but that could just be luck of the draw of the specific posts I found.

Yeah...Contingent upon the contributing members of the time.

The forum is not against you but it's members can only offer comments on information you provide. If you give chance - you're likely to receive.


By the way.. You write well...

[UniversityMom]

Originally Posted by logicalvelocity

By the way.. You write well...

Thanks!

Shame about my pisspoor spelling though lol.

[logicalvelocity]

Originally Posted by UniversityMom

Thanks!

Shame about my pisspoor spelling though lol.

If its a peeve..

There's:

• IE for Internet Explorer - Free Browser add on;
  
• Recent Firefox and Chrome - Check browser settings with respect to built in spell checker.

[LostFather]

Originally Posted by UniversityMom

Protections??

I haven't experienced any of these so called protections. My ex has said viscious things about me and believe me I don't get the impression anyone is "chastising" him for it.

I see so much mysogeny on this forum it's unreal. I'd like to say I understand that men are fed up being biased towards but from my personal experience this is not the case. I've read a bunch of accounts in this forum alone, from women who would also tell you this has certainly not been the case for them either.

Man, woman, whatever. Abuse is a crappy subject to talk about and an even worse one to live with. Things are never as black and white as we make them seem via text in the light of a new day.

Agreed, it it also hard to get the actual impact or emotions that come with our issues past the keyboard, one being that I am a father going though the system of bias, two, treated like those "bad apples" or abusive father's, in turn painting us with the same brush.

Further, in the same respect, I know that all women are not the same as my ex, I know there are plenty of mothers out there (I'm now married to one) that want the fathers to participate and be involved more with their children and recognize our importance. I am wanting as much contact with my children as possible. I have been forced to fight tooth and nail for every inch for the past 3.5 years, only to be thwarted by the mother at every corner.

I went from no access, to every second weekend (4 days a month), to now I have an over night through the week, my weekends are from Fri to Monday morning, 3 weeks in the summer, extra days on long weekends, father's day, Every second March Break and half their time off over Christmas.

I'm asking for Thurs night every week as well. The children would lose the extra transfer back to mom's for one night, which I believe less upheaval which the OCL agreed, and when it's my weekend it gives the children a little more time to be enrolled in sports, not mention the extra time that we can have to together.

Hard to enter them in sports or other activities when you only have your children for one night through the week, hard to get past picking them up just to hand them over to another parent.

In closing I'm guessing that is why we're all here, because we seem to have mutual (for the most part anyway) concerns for our children, and plight's with our ex's as our sexes are different, our issues will most likely be too.

[UniversityMom]

Originally Posted by LostFather

Agreed, it it also hard to get the actual impact or emotions that come with our issues past the keyboard, one being that I am a father going though the system of bias, two, treated like those "bad apples" or abusive father's, in turn painting us with the same brush.
.

Too true LostFather, text is a difficult medium to communicate through. I've read through your post here and its truly heart breaking to me that you have had to fight so hard to see your child.

I cannot imagine wanting to keep my child away from her father. The very notion of keeping a child away from people who love him or her, regardless of gender, age, income or even relation as far as I am concerned seems nothing less than evil.
I know that is a very harsh word but the consequences of a loving parent (or aunt, or grandmother or whatever) being kept from a child for no real reason are harsh.

My thoughts go out to you LF

[Unatic]

Having traveled what constitutes domestic violence is very much a relative cultural value. On a few occasions I had been chastised by by ex-wife's family (even two of her sisters) for not beating her.

Obviously people who live in these cultures still love their families. Many are great parents and good people.

[billiechic]

regardless of the cultural norm it is not right. It harms the abused parent and the child. Just because it is "acceptable" does not mean it leave no impact on the person.

[Looking4Answers]

Parenting is parenting and Violence is violence, None of us are perfect but when violence affects a person physically it will ONLY get worse. It affects all the people involved with that individual and it will not go away until that person is removed from your life. These people do not care for the happiness, security or well being of those associated with them. It is worse when these people have the ability to manipulate those around them and make them think that they are in the wrong!!