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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 03-06-2014, 12:13 AM
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pokeman has a little shameless behaviour in the past
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nolimit

you'll have to disclose a bit more detail whats on the recordings ...

the recording can make you look like a bully, a @sshole, a vengeful d*ckwad .. if your a man

here's why

in general this is my observation of how the system work$ in good old canada :

my sister in law beat my niece with a broom, my brother called children services and they told him stop being a vengful man trying to get traction in court, so he went to school with his daughter and showed the principle the bruises and the principle called childrens services who reacted.

get it ?

the whole system top to bottom works this way.

no matter how much my brother jumped up and down trying to protect his kids he is just a pr1ck, if she made the claim then he is out of house aka homeless until he can prove otherwise , they are not your (joint) kids, they are "hers" , so someone in a position of authority needs to make the claim ...

often lawyers in their high rise downtown towers have little huts built around their dwelling full of phd/therapists whom are ready and willing to document the family dynamic - since your lawyer is telling you what is harmful to you i assume they are also telling you whats helpful too ?

if not :

big red flag goes up here !!

be forewarned - the problem isnt just the courts, the lawyers have total power over your life and if they are prejudice then your f****d and my estimate is 90% of them are.

here are some quick tips for short term survival :

- your lawyer can find a "hut" full of phd's ready to make a buck to back up your recording if its contents are significant - relevant and recent , its done all the time for "mothers"

- if your lawyer tells you what you cant do but doesn't tell you what you should do your f****d - start looking for a non.prejudice lawyer

- go to every court proceeding and watch your lawyer carefully

- as you loose more and more access to your children and your lawyer uses the term 'best interests of the children' then your f****d - start looking for a non.prejudice lawyer

- if your lawyer doesnt layout a game plan with achievable goals yet is billing you with clock precision then your f****d - start looking for a non.prejudice lawyer

I got a 100+ signs to look out for but in general if it doesnt feel right then its not right, even if your current lawyer is ok you should seek out other fathers whom had a decent lawyer and keep their #phone handy.

disclaimer - if your the mother of the children no worries, unless your an escaped mental patient your most likely getting 60% of custody ...

look forward to a bit more details nolimits

peace out

Last edited by pokeman; 03-06-2014 at 12:17 AM.
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  #12 (permalink)  
Old 03-06-2014, 09:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pokeman View Post
nolimit

you'll have to disclose a bit more detail whats on the recordings ...

the recording can make you look like a bully, a @sshole, a vengeful d*ckwad .. if your a man

here's why

in general this is my observation of how the system work$ in good old canada :

my sister in law beat my niece with a broom, my brother called children services and they told him stop being a vengful man trying to get traction in court, so he went to school with his daughter and showed the principle the bruises and the principle called childrens services who reacted.

get it ?

the whole system top to bottom works this way.

no matter how much my brother jumped up and down trying to protect his kids he is just a pr1ck, if she made the claim then he is out of house aka homeless until he can prove otherwise , they are not your (joint) kids, they are "hers" , so someone in a position of authority needs to make the claim ...

often lawyers in their high rise downtown towers have little huts built around their dwelling full of phd/therapists whom are ready and willing to document the family dynamic - since your lawyer is telling you what is harmful to you i assume they are also telling you whats helpful too ?

if not :

big red flag goes up here !!

be forewarned - the problem isnt just the courts, the lawyers have total power over your life and if they are prejudice then your f****d and my estimate is 90% of them are.

here are some quick tips for short term survival :

- your lawyer can find a "hut" full of phd's ready to make a buck to back up your recording if its contents are significant - relevant and recent , its done all the time for "mothers"

- if your lawyer tells you what you cant do but doesn't tell you what you should do your f****d - start looking for a non.prejudice lawyer

- go to every court proceeding and watch your lawyer carefully

- as you loose more and more access to your children and your lawyer uses the term 'best interests of the children' then your f****d - start looking for a non.prejudice lawyer

- if your lawyer doesnt layout a game plan with achievable goals yet is billing you with clock precision then your f****d - start looking for a non.prejudice lawyer

I got a 100+ signs to look out for but in general if it doesnt feel right then its not right, even if your current lawyer is ok you should seek out other fathers whom had a decent lawyer and keep their #phone handy.

disclaimer - if your the mother of the children no worries, unless your an escaped mental patient your most likely getting 60% of custody ...

look forward to a bit more details nolimits

peace out
pokeman those are excellent points. There is such a bias. I got assaulted by my ex. She got arrested and walked away with no charges. I however am out of my house!
I have a recording made two days after the final decision was issued after trial. I basically was more successful at trial as I got the custody I wanted, the CS/SS payable to her, the correct equalization payable to her, etc that were accurate. She had inflated all figures and wanted sole custody.

But regardless, I got less time with kid. And my ex celebrated that by text, facebook post, and by telling that to me two days after the decision was issued, that she got exactly what she wanted, which is less time and to put distance between me and my kid. I have the recording, I will transcribe it, and will add it as an exhibit in a couple of weeks when six months is over and I file a motion to change.

It does help though that my ex sort of wrote the same contents of the recording, in text and emails to me. So if the recording doesn't stick, the emails and texts will.

TOO MUCH BIAS!
We men are fu**ed.
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  #13 (permalink)  
Old 03-06-2014, 10:06 AM
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Her claiming that her goal was to minimize YOUR time with the child is important. In Quebec anyways.

Her celebrating and being a b***ch is less important.

In custody disputes you need to FOCUS on your abilities as a parent because it isn't a competition. As long as both parents are competent, can meet the needs of the children, can communicate basically and have no major logistical issues (they live close enough etc...). It can work.

The strat I suggest, is to focus on yourself and just lay some subtle doubt about the EX (if it needs to be laid) but don't be so overt, mention it off-hand or in a non-emotional way as if you want to just let the judge know (FYI).

For mothers, because there is a much larger tendency to aware shared custody in essence they ALMOST (i said almost) have the burden of proof to show the dad is incompetent unable etc....

Which is why they have to resort to false status quos, abuse allegations, creating conflict etc...

In a little while I am sure the default will be shared custody and things willl be less litigious (I wonder if that is the case in Australia)

Don't feel sorry for yourself about gender bias, just work the system. There is gender bias in domestic violence just because 99% of the time it is men killing women and not the other way around.

Last edited by Links17; 03-06-2014 at 10:20 AM.
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  #14 (permalink)  
Old 03-07-2014, 02:56 PM
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It seems that audio recording is legal in canada..

WHY TAPE RECORDING IS LEGAL? | WinningCourtStrategies.com
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  #15 (permalink)  
Old 03-07-2014, 10:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
I have this audio recording where I say to my ex in a really nice way to becareful not to show our kids her anxiousness and she flies off the handles and says she is going to stab me and stuff.... this was a year before the seperation and i was recording it to show my ex how she is kind of angry when we have conversations.

Would this be useful in court, my lawyer doesn't think so...
So the recording is more than a year old, from before you separated? I can't see how it would be of much use in the present. Your ex could always claim "that was then, things are different now". I think your lawyer is right. (In any case, all it shows is that your ex really, really doesn't like you, which is kind of obvious because you're getting divorced).
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  #16 (permalink)  
Old 03-07-2014, 11:11 PM
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necroposting but it was to show that my ex was nuts because I was like "I don't want to eat the muffins and she says I'm going to stab you"

Other way around, I'd be on trial for uttering threats but because she is half my weight it doesn't matter.
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  #17 (permalink)  
Old 03-08-2014, 12:48 PM
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In Court my ex admitted to this:

Quote:
Back from the vacation, was really great! The kids kept up and did a lot of activities and walking. I was really proud of them we visited tonnes of places. X seemed to be out of town and refused to communicate except by skype which was problematic. At one point she kept pressuring my child that she would pick them up from the airport, I told my child this wouldn't be possible since it wasn't the airport close to home. When my daugher told this to my Ex she flipped out and started screaming at my daughter and I told her in the background to relax and to just send me an email. She said to our daughter - YOu know what you dad is "He is a dick" You know what a dick is, it is a "Penis" Your dad is a penis.... Then she said "I am going to get your dad throw in jail so he gets raped by black guys" I told her relax in front of the kids and that my mom is in the room, the she started insulting my mother for enabling me etc.... At one point
My daughter (5yrs old) said mommy please don't hurt daddy!
Y said to her I don't want you to come pick us up and she threatened him that he better change his mind or he'll see.
The judge didn't bat an eyelash (this was post sep)
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  #18 (permalink)  
Old 03-08-2014, 12:52 PM
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In my case even though my ex and her lawyer didn't disput my income the judge made a statement that he thought I was making more from my consulting than I claimed (consider that I have a full-time job and this is like "on the side gigs")

I found it strange my ex wife that lived with me for 10 years doesn't disput my income but the judge who heard me speak for 10 minutes decides I was being dishonest.

There were several other incidents that were clearly bias in my eyes - that any reasonable person would agree were bias but my case was so overwhelming that the judge just postponed the trial pretty much (made interim decisions) with the goal of hoping I fail
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  #19 (permalink)  
Old 03-08-2014, 01:17 PM
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um Links - I recall some time ago I questioned your "sideline" business income. I picked up on that just from your posts on this forum and without any benefit of having any documentation in front of me. It wouldn't be too much of a leap to say the judge noted an inconsistency somewhere as well.

Judges hear this stuff day in and day out. They're not stupid, rather very adept at spotting inconsistencies.

Just saying my friend.... no bias here... perhaps some sloppiness on your part?

Last edited by arabian; 03-08-2014 at 01:19 PM. Reason: typos
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Old 03-08-2014, 02:05 PM
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Please edit your posts to remove your kids's names! (Or mods, can you take the kids' names out?). You don't want them to be searchable, do you?
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