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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 02-09-2010, 09:17 AM
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Hi Venice,
My contacts are all in the Ottawa area. If you need help....I can look it up for you. Let me know and good luck.

Glad your calling a women's shelter.
Bri
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  #22 (permalink)  
Old 02-10-2010, 11:57 AM
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Thank you to everyone who replied. I contacted a woman's shelter and spoke to a counsellor who was very helpful. She recommended to contact the police once again and insist that an investigation be conducted. She provided me with the names of female officers who specialiize in domestic abuse cases. I spoke at length to one of these officers yesterday and she advised me to prepare a declaration, attach all documentation I have, and that an investigator will be assigned to the case and that potentially, my husband could face charges of criminal harassment, intimidation and/or mischief. I am preparing the declaration and will be meeting with the officer on the weekend. I feel relieved that there are options I can pursue to protect myself. I can also receive free counselling through the woman's shelter so this will be helpful as well. Again, I appreciate all the advice and support provided by all of you. Thank you so much!
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  #23 (permalink)  
Old 02-14-2010, 01:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cl4 View Post
Sounds like they are "coaching" you not to receive justice but to screw your husband. Sorry. It's just the way it seems.

My advice; Don't lie or embellish. A good criminal lawyer will turn you upside down in court and then the family judge gets the transcript.

State the truth and you will win.Lie and in the end you will end up on the losing side. Women Shelter's always coach women to embellish or down right lie. I mean a woman cop? Come on.
Given the story you have presented to this forum I would expect you to be somewhat sympathetic to someone who is being abused. Nowhere did she say that they asked her to lie. You should understand that abused people tend to underestimate the abuse and downplay it. The abuser tells them that it was nothing, it's part of the damage!!! Any professional who works with abused women (or men) knows this, and so they have to help them gain the strength to stand up for themselves.

Shame on you. After all the support you have received here that was not supportive at all.
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Old 02-14-2010, 02:37 PM
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Wow, you just made an excellent case for women's shelters, so they may guide women through the tangle of aggressive, opinionated persons like yourself who feed off their vunerability. It sounds like you have a heck of a lot of experience being in the shoes of an abuser. Maybe this is not the thread for you to be involved in.
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Old 02-14-2010, 07:27 PM
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You sir are EXTREMLY direspectful. There is nothing in this woman's post that points towards her lying about the abuse. Again, SHAME ON YOU. Just because you have been abused does not give you the right to start spouting on her thread about fake abuse allegations. By your last 2 posts I have to question whether YOU have lied about the abuse. It seems that you know a little too much about the situation, especially since your ex legitimately abused you.

As someone who was abused, I take OFFENSE at your posting on this thread. Regardless of whether there are a lot of false claims of abuse, YOU are not able to tell which ones are true or false. Neither are judges, lawyers. They are the ones who have to live with their guilt when they fail to protect the women and children who end up seriously hurt or maybe even dead. Given the seriousness of the outcome it is RIGHT that they attempt to find out the REAL story, and that means listening to both sides.

If you are innocent (as you claim) then you have a good chance of proving it. Though you may suffer some from the experience, I would think that anyone would rather have that undeserved suffering on their hands than the death of a mother and her children who's claims of abuse were dismissed.

Try thinking about the situation from this person's situation rather than your own. It is NOT the same.
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  #26 (permalink)  
Old 02-14-2010, 07:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cl4 View Post
Sounds like they are "coaching" you not to receive justice but to screw your husband. Sorry. It's just the way it seems.

My advice; Don't lie or embellish. A good criminal lawyer will turn you upside down in court and then the family judge gets the transcript.

State the truth and you will win.Lie and in the end you will end up on the losing side. Women Shelter's always coach women to embellish or down right lie. I mean a woman cop? Come on.
Cl4,

I have to say I'm offended by your post. Did u even read my intiial post. My husband filed false assault charges against me after I've endured his bullying and harassing behaviour since I told him I wanted a divorce 5 months ago (and lots of abusive behavour during the marriage). I actually met with the police (yes, a synpathetic female officer) this morning and presented a declaration to them. The officer took the time to go over my story very carefully. She said there's definitely conjugal violence but that it's mainly psychological. There have been several occasions of physical violence but the crown prosecutor will not accept to pursue an assault charge after one has been filed by the other party (the false one filed by my husband). There's insufficent proof for a harassament or intimidation charge although she did say she would complete such a complaint if my lawyer believes that the crown prosecutor will accept such a charge. She suggested I ask him and she will definitely file the complaint if my lawyer thinks it will be accepted. In her expereince, she believes the crown will not accept it. The point of trying to file charges is that I want to get a restraining order as I'm afraid of him, especially after he went so far as to pull a stunt like this which I view as an escalation of the harassment I've been subjected to since last August.
So, all this to say, I'm the one who is screwed. My husband is using the system to continue his bullying campaign. And no, I did not receive any coaching from the women's shelter. I specifically asked them how I could get a restarining order and the only way is through the filing of criminal charges. Alternatively, my lawyer advised I could ask for one through a court order but this requires a trial-like process and I frankly can't afford to pay for this.
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  #27 (permalink)  
Old 02-14-2010, 08:03 PM
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Ci4,

I just read some of your previous posts and it seems your spouse had you arrested on false charges too. Odd that u can't relate...
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  #28 (permalink)  
Old 02-14-2010, 08:10 PM
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Venice, that was my point. You would think that someone in similar circumstances would be a little sympathetic, or helpful
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  #29 (permalink)  
Old 02-14-2010, 08:22 PM
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Billiechic,

Thanks for so firmly standing up for me. I suspect my and C14's circumstances are not that similar after all.
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  #30 (permalink)  
Old 02-14-2010, 09:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cl4 View Post
It's a fact. Women get coached to putthe man in jail. They even have websites instructing exactly what to do to accomplish this.
It's a fact is it? Prove it by posting the factual website links to which you refer.
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